Attitude matters.

Looking out of the window, I smile when I see that my lawn has been mowed, the flower beds all ready with fresh soil and of course the new addition of a swing and slide set in the backyard.The new  tenant was at work again.  Things have changed in the last seven months.

Last year in May, our  new tenant moved in with her baby. Our earlier tenants were people we knew, and had been with us for two years. The fact they decided to move, during a difficult phase in our lives, left us with no choice but to rent out the place to someone who was a total stranger. Maybe it was circumstances under which she moved ( she had separated from her boyfriend), or the fact that being consumed  by my own problems, made me too selfish to see other people’s point of view, whatever be the case, we started out on a wrong foot. Right from day one, the barrage of complains started to roll in. Everyday I dreaded coming home to a new voice message- with the usual set of complains,  the carpets needed cleaning, the walls repainted, the shower nozzle has broken , or the kids making too much of noise – you get the point. I avoided switching on my answering machine, and in my own way delaying the subtle expenses implied in her messages.

After a couple of weeks of unspoken hostility, I decided to take action and put an end to all the negativity that was draining me emotionally. Change in my attitude was the only feasible solution.  Instead of looking at the whole incident from my point of view, I tried to listen to what she was actually trying to say without my worries or my problems clouding the information. .  Just changing the channel to a more receptive frequency made me less agitated and more compassionate. Comprehending and accepting  that her fears were genuine - after all she was moving into a new place with a baby, and considering that the dilly dallying in responding to her demands was obvious; she had every reason to distrust me,till I could prove her wrong.  I was as much a stranger to her as she was to me. With no history to prove it otherwise, she wasn't wrong in being overtly cautious.

It is amazing how the moment I decided to listen and be empathetic, her aggressive behavior mellowed down too. Trust is built on experience and today I do have to say that the dynamics have changed for better. It is not easy to send positive vibes when somebody is bent on making life difficult for you- no way but sometimes  it is only way.We are auto tuned to respond to how others feel towards us – all of us. And today when I see her son playing in the backyard, I smile at how we can save a relationship by just choosing to listen.