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These days, I am struggling to bring coherence to my thoughts, trying to make sense of living. Although one thing with a busy life is that you have no time to stop and analyze your thoughts and overthink. Days turn into week and weeks into months. Pauses give rhythms to music, spaces give words meaning, and being alone to reflect on our day, gives our life meaning. Keep going mindlessly without a pause and before you know it, you will wonder where the time went and if you could have lived your life better.There is a feeling of restlessness. Just like the embedded splinter that keeps on niggling you - not a pain, not an ache, but a sort of uneasiness that makes you wonder about your presence on earth. You want to reevaluate your life, maybe wonder at some of the decisions made, maybe just wonder if you are being truthful to yourself. Or to be more precise if you have the courage to be truthful.
These waves of uncertainty don't last for long, this self-doubt, this feeling of uneasiness, of feeling that you are not where you ought to be, fades away in the shadows, re-emerging time and again, only to be shooed away into darkness.
There can be no living without expression of emotions. We love, hate, feel angry, kindness, pity, and fear, among other emotions, expressing it only how we can. Sometimes we go through all these emotions within a short period of minutes and many times all the seemingly conflicting emotions at once. Emotions that are supposed to move in exclusive circles, seem to be happy to mingle with each other, all to our utter confusion.
Life is orderly, we are chaotic. We make living exciting, we color our world in our unique way with moments of joy, pain , love and at times just indifference. You create your reality, you create your life. You create moments, you create your memories. You decide what to put the spotlight on and what to throw away in the dumpster of your memories.
Yet this lethal cocktail of emotions is what connects us to our fellow beings. We can see the flaws, we can empathize and secretly we all are glad that we are not the only ones out there trying to come in the grips of reality.
We need each other to survive, to grow. Our connections, mental, emotional are all tattooed in the very fabric of our soul. Every connection, however, fleeting becomes a part of our being. We can change and grow and let life take us where we are supposed to be, or stagnate and stop living. We can be brave and face the truth or continue to live in lie for others. Whatever we do, however we live, that is our reality, that is our perception of life.
