Hugs and cuddles

Hugs and cuddles and kisses - the language of love.No words needed, no cleverness, just pouring out of pure love. What is it about hugs, that bypasses the need to say anything? What is it about kisses, that makes us feel so special?As for cuddles, anyone who has had their child cuddle up to them, or their beloved, knows that the feeling of security, contentment surpasses any other emotion.

Hugs are spontaneous, when neither words nor handshakes can express our pleasure, we resort to displaying our emotions the best we can. Warm hugs, uncomfortable hugs, tight hugs, or simply unsure hugs, they come in all variety. Hugging someone and being hugged back is return, I believe is the best gesture of friendship and love.

Hugging is letting the hearts converse in their own language, a language of love, admiration and respect. Letting someone enter your personal bubble, you space, does require that you be trusting and generous. A genuinely warm hug does leave a trace of that person's essence on you - an assurance of being cared for.

Add a serving of laughter to it and you have heaven here on earth. You can fake a smile, you can fake tears, but laughter, the pure feeling of joy connects you to life.

Simple Living, Simple Pleasures

I have always considered myself to be a person of very simple needs. Although I wonder if the root cause is sheer laziness. You know the more you complicate, the more energy you  spend to resolve things. The more you want, the more you have to work. The more you try to lace up the words with lies, with sheer magnitude, the harder it is to maintain and keep track of it. Simple living might begin with laziness, yet it ends up in giving freedom.

Our basic needs are food, shelter and clothing, yet we end up having a dysfunctional relationship with food, where every morsel we put in our mouth is a guilt ridden pleasure. With the cuisine of the whole world at our disposal, our tastes have been spoiled for a variety of exotic at times expensive foods.  Most of the food that is easily accessible is also  more laden with chemicals than nutrition. We end up buying big houses, and end up staying less and less in those houses and staying out and working more and more. Houses are shelters, we make them homes with our warmth and personal touch, yet we seem to be forgetting that very basic concept.

Simple living does require a tremendous amount of initiative. Before we know luxury becomes a habit and habit a lifestyle and before we realize it we are a slave to luxury. It is necessary from time to time to just evaluate our needs and wants to make do with pleasures that don't cost money, joys that cannot be bought.  To sum it all up  :

1. Simple living begins with simple pleasures. Finding joys in the everyday living, a sunset, wild flowers, or simply the gurgling laughter of a child. Joys that are free and abundant, joys whose only source are you.

2. It is differentiating our needs from our wants. The more we are clear about what is necessary and is just our need to gratify our egos,  The less dependent our happiness is on others, on things that money can buy, the easier it is for us to sustain the source of happiness. Simplicity is not living in poverty, and it  definitely  does not include us to abhor  money or worldly possessions, it is recognizing joys in everyday living.

3.It is balancing our work and personal life by looking into the reason as to why we are working and developing an appreciation of life with your unique pair of eyes. 

4.  It is all about keeping away from drama, streamlining your personal time and finding joys in everyday small joys.

5. Simple living is  ultimately all about being content,all about going back to the basics  and  knowing when to stop.

Building relations

Speak words that heal, and help you smile. Anger and words definitely don't go together. Like everything else in life knowing when to stop, when to keep quiet and when to just accept defeat. Most of the time when we try to communicate, our intentions and thoughts get tainted with the recipients prejudices. People hear what they want to hear, read what blends into  their notions and thinking.

Even simple communications can result in misunderstandings when there is lack of trust and confidence. A smile can be perceived as sneer, a pause as a doubt or silence as rejection. We color the responses according to the baggage of our past we carry with us. Understanding requires open mindedness, a open heart and a open mind. Understanding requires you  to be sure of yourself, of your own worth. Anything less than that and there are bound to be misunderstandings. 

Relations take a long time to build and just a moment of misunderstanding to break. Mutual respect and trust with no ulterior motive of gain  is the basis foundation of a good strong relationship. Calculations and manipulations can't get you too far, ultimately karma does catch up with you . Mean well, curb the monster of envy, expect nothing except the joy of company and you are bound to get an emotionally satisfying relationship. 

The other step is letting go of people who just leech on to you . People who by their sheer negative presence, sheer demanding nature can drain the very spirit out of you . They are not easy to spot, as they usually wear the cloak of being friendly and well meaning, but each time they leave, you feel relieved and although you may not be able to pinpoint why, fact is they take way more than they give. Beware of the takers - they are just not worth it. 

Give judiciously and receive graciously and you will end up with relationships that enhance your life.

Alone in a crowd

It's is a amazing   how many people are lonely in a crowd. We are all on this journey, each unique, yet connected in some way or the other to everyone else. Why is it then so hard to communicate with people from your heart? We share our pictures, practically our whole life on the internet, yet what we share is just a glimpse of our life censored and edited to present and market the perfect life we all apparently live. According to the social media, we are all living the dream lives, sometimes arousing the feelings of envy – an extension of our masked persona that we carry with us everyday. Rarely do we share our fears and disappointments or our struggles and frustrations and rightly so - you would soon have people running away from the "negative energy". I am not implying whining all the time and to everyone is right , but just that we all need someone in our lives to comfort and listen to us.

I am all for positive thinking, all for smiling and being happy (I do consider myself to be a fairly happy person), and the credit for that goes to the fine network of kind people in my life who are always there, patiently listening to my rants and give me space  to vent   my negative emotions. Did I say –non-judgmentally too?

When we believe the hype of optimism, we erroneously assume that we are doing away with all the negativity in our lives. Keeping up the pretense to be okay, when things are falling apart, can only break you. Facing  and accepting it, communicating your disappointments with others can make the picture clearer and dispel your fears.

It would be foolish to expect more than a couple of people in your life, who are willing to bear the storm with you and every time. I am sure some of you think this is what friends do – but not all your friends will be in the same phase of life.. I personally would find it very hard to empathize with a recovering drug addict(sympathy --yes ), and similarly don’t expect a woman in 20s to understand how being in a menopausal state feels.

A platform to address your grievances anonymously would be therapeutic too, considering even the moon doesn't shine bright every night, it is indeed wise for everyone to be in the forever happy mode .

Maybe

When I look back on my life, I often wonder if there are certain things I would change about it. Maybe I would have liked to be more confident, more brash, more in love with myself than chasing the elusive illusion of love propagated by media and books. I don't know. Maybe I would have taken charge of my life and certain issues, maybe I would have been more courageous or maybe not have spoken words that were unintentionally hurtful.

Maybe I would have taken better care of myself, would have realized that in the end it is all between  me and the creator .Maybe I would have been less cautious more impulsive, less wise and would have more loving memories. 

Maybe I would have realized that it is indeed my life. Maybe that time is fleeting and every rejection, every acceptance makes you who you are. Maybe I would have realized to look beyond looks, to look beyond personality and look for character.Maybe I would have realized that nobody can fill in the gaps for me, and not to be  dependent on other people's validation. 

Maybe I would have been less judgemental, more open-minded. Maybe I would have realized that my dreams are my own and that they were worth fighting for. Maybe I would have been less uptight, and more accepting , maybe more welcoming of the gifts in my life.

Maybe I would do that or maybe not. Maybe I would just do all the things exactly the same again, because I am today a resultant of all my mistakes, or all the blunders and heartbreaks and failurea and I do know I am a much better person because of all that.

Actions & Reactions

We are just a composite of our choices in life. Every decision we take, every conscious choice we make has its repercussion. We do pay a price for our choices though - there is no such thing as a "loss free" choice. Some choices are obviously beneficial , yet with others you have to choose between long-term benefits or short-term pleasure. The choice is always ours and a wise person knows that.

You may choose to quit studies after school, to travel the world, great - that is your choice , or you may choose to work hard in your youth and then travel later. You may choose to save money in your youth for comfortable retirement, or you may decide that it is better to have fun in the youth. There are no rights and wrongs, just acceptance  that all our decisions come with their own consequence, and we are responsible for it. Decisions that are taken with consideration with instant gratification, but with a long term view, is what turns out to be ones without regrets.

Of course there are times, when life makes the decisions for you , but again we still have the choice to either accept it with a smile and take it in our stride, or fight and turn bitter. 

To make a wise decision you need to be aware that you  know the long and short term pros and cons of your choice.Living in the moment has its pros and cons and so does planning in detail for the future.Whatever you choose, accepting responsibility for your choice is what makes a person grow stronger. 

The day we learn that only we are responsible for our choices- maybe there are times when there are limited choices , or maybe no choice at all, yet to know that we did what could do best at the time brings peace to our mind and heart. 

Of Family and Friends

Do we choose friends, make friends or discover them? Friendships are relationships we choose. We choose not because of any ulterior motive, but just because there is a mutual trust and respect involved. What is friendship without loyalty, without any dependency?  Friends are people who enhance our lives, just by being part of it. They make us laugh, pacify our fears and give us that nudge to move ahead when we are scared.


Friends are non-judgemental, they are your sounding boards. You can share your secrets, your dreams, bare your soul, yet be confident that they would still love you. I find growing older, it gets more difficult to make friends. Maybe friendships developed in the school and college years are more precious because, we are without any labels lent to us by world- professional or personal . Or maybe just because they have been with us right when the story of our life was being written makes it easier for us to relate to them.

There are friends for all seasons, friends who last for the summer,  and some you unexpectedly stumble upon in the midst of challenges. The later ones are the relation that are special, spending the dark time of your life with someone,instils a special confidence ,a trust that is hard to break.

We all have different equations with our friends.

1, Friends for life : These are friends who creep into your heart and stay there forever. You can bare your soul out without any fear of being judged. Friends who know you so well, that they complete the sentence that you begin.
2. Friends for summer: Some friendships are just recreational. You are well-wishers, you like each other, but you still hold something back.
3.Friends who are family: Now these are people, who you may disagree with, not meet, not talk, but still they are such a key part of your life, that they become family. For better or worse, whether you agree or disagree, whether you meet them or not, they are a part of you.
4. Friends by default : Then there are some who are friends by default by the sheer number of years you have known each other.

Whatever be the case, friendships you have the choice to dissolve, but friends who become family are for life.

A life well-lived.

My next door neighbour, a guy in his 80's passed away couple of weeks ago. We share a fence, we have talked, and I knew he had been in and out of hospital more than a couple of times in the last few months, yet I am unaware of his name, and never got to interact meaningfully with  him. Partly because maybe he didn't want to , partly because it just wasn't worth going the extra step to be friends with someone who was a loner. The garden that he loved is still blooming, nothing has changed. 

We human beings are social animals, we need people,we need to connect. The more I live, the more I realize, that living a well-rounded life, means touching other people's lives. Reaching out to others and connecting to them, bringing a smile, wiping a tear is all that is left after we are gone. Nothing else matters, because what we leave behind are just memories in other people's heart. 

How do we measure how well-lived our lives have been? We all talk about success, we all talk about achieving our goals, but ultimately what defines a fully lived life? The power, the money, well-raised kids, good status in society..?  Isn't it all futile, if we haven't reached out and healed a heart or brought joy in someone else's life?

Our presence on this planet is so inconsequential, so meaningless, that only building bridges through heart, only giving and caring brings any semblance to it. To build relations, to touch everyone who you meet, to spread a little cheer, a little warmth, maybe that is the way we leave a part of ourselves long after we are gone. Those memories, those kind words, those loving deeds are what living is all about . 

Evenings

Some people like mornings  and some like me are in awe of evenings. Mornings and dawn are the first signs of new beginnings. You know that they bring light, they create activity. Dawn, deceptively calm, stimulating our minds to plan for the day, generating  hope, creating an excitement of a whole new 24 hours.

But evenings are more special,  especially summer evenings, long and languid, time for the weary bodies to return home. The chirpings of birds, the excitement of the day all retiring with prayers in their hearts of gratitude for a day well gone and for a better  tomorrow.

Pleasant summer evenings with whispering breeze playing whimsical notes on the wind chimes and an occasional  whiff of fragrance mysteriously teasing your senses, compensates for the scorching heat of the daytime. If mornings are promises of hope, evenings are the time to reflect on the futilities or highlights of the day. 

That time when the sun decides to hide behind the horizon, yet leaving a glowing trail of shades of crimson on the sky. Dusk, twilight call it what you may, but the beauty of an aging day is a sight to behold.

Nothing can be more calming than just waiting for the sun to set and for the first star to appear on the horizon, for the temperatures to cool down. Watching the process of subduing sun graciously surrendering to millions of stars, is a humbling experience. The sky changing shades, the moon changing shapes, shooting stars, all subtle activities of life.

Daily Reminders

Some daily reminders

1. Life has its own rhythm. Go with the flow with patience and love.

2. Don't get too attached to ideas or lifestyle. Change happens when you least expect it. 

3. When things don't fall in place, lay low and wait. Nothing remains the same forever.

4. Love life and it will love you back. 

5. Watch out for resentment and grudges. They give birth to bitterness and distort our view of life.

6. Gather the scattered thoughts and make them a force to beckon.

7.Don't take your loved ones for granted. You are not the only one changing.
8. Grab any opportunity thats appears, you might never get it again.

9. We are not supposed to like everybody, so don't feel guilty about it.

10. And on the same note, not everyone is going to love us. No use trying to please all

11.Draw your plans in pencil. Flexibility is the first rule to survival. 

12. Success and failure are matters of perception.

13. Fight against the instinct to be competitive. Competition begins with comparison and there are always going to be people who are better than you.

14. Don't judge, don't question. You always have the choice to be indifferent. 

15. Happiness and sorrow both don't last for ever. Had a good day, collect the blessings to brace you through the next maybe bad day.

16. Be true to yourself and don't play games. They always end in someone winning and someone losing. 

Time

Soak yourself in the experiences of life -live passionately, give completely and experience every moment truthfully and you will never want to go back and revisit your past. Saturate yourself in the present moment,every single one of them, and you will have no regrets in life.

Time is precious, but not precious like a jewel that we can hold it and safeguard. Time can seem to stop, fly and in the end it does kill , but in essence time is flowing, you cannot measure it and you cannot freeze or capture it. We have the choice to just flow with it, believing we have abundant time to do all that we want in life, or to miserly hold on tight to it.

It is fine to be  possessive about your time, decluttering the  life of all the unnecessary activities that clog the smooth flow of time. When you start believing that you  have abundant time, limitless, you  accomplish more - slowing down, in a contradictory way gets way more done  than rushing.
Like everything else in life, the concept of time is again correlated to our attitude. Simplifying our lives, by setting a priority list goes a long way in getting away from being overwhelmed by our busy schedule. Chaffing the "must dos"( and really that again needs to be modified time and again) from the should dos brings back some semblance of  control in our lives.

In modern times, most of our time is occupied in just surviving, in our effort to make what we assume to be a living. The time that we do have for ourselves is either spent frivolously in either inconsequential activities and interactions or trying to maintain relations that don't enhance our lives in any way. We work so that we have enough, but ultimately it we who define how much is enough for us.

Purge the unnecessary, chop the edges and define what really makes you happy. Adding depth and meaning to all that we do, makes us realize that we have all the time in the world, as long as we live in the present completely and truthfully,so set out and define "enough" for you , so you control your life, both in terms of social interactions and monetary gains. Don't let your careers and social obligations hijack your time.

an

Relaxing and Unwinding

Everyday we put on our brave face, stick on our smiles and off we go to face the world. Day in and day out, we fight against our urge to rest, to just give in and then when all else fails even the strongest of us break down.

Life is not tough in the dramatic sense of way, it is the natural wear and tear that finally gets you down. You can give and give and then when there is no more to give, all you can do is give up.
That is the time, when you just break down, feel that you cannot take it anymore, maybe yell, maybe cry , maybe just walk away, but all of us from time to time have to tune into the wants of our body and reset ourselves to restart.

Taking time off for relaxation, to rejuvenate is as important if not more than healthy eating. We all relax differently. Extroverts take pleasure and derive energy by interacting with people, actively socializing, while introverts would rather be engrossed in books or intense conversation with select friends or maybe just walk in the forest. Guarding our leisure time  from being hijacked by societal pressures, is crucial to recharge our batteries, is what keeps us from going.

We all juggle varied roles thrust upon us. And add to that the expectations to somehow always be "better", to improve in all aspects of our life, it is no wonder that we tend to get burned out, to only recognize the signs of stress when it reflects in our physical health.

Streamlining our life, tuning into the needs of our body and mind go a long way in maintaining a healthy mind. The longer we handle pressure without taking a break, the harder the recovery.To top it all of, we are pressurised to believe that we can have it all - an adage proposed by a few privileged successful women, who conveniently forget to mention the price they pay for the success in terms of family.

Most of us don't have the luxury to choose to not work for a living, yet we all have the choice to spend the leisure time, maybe a weekend, or just a day or couple of hours a week, in the way that relaxes our mind and body.  And for those who can afford to make a choice and choose to follow the natural feminine instincts, the work mostly gets unappreciated and unrecognized.















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Kim Addonizio- poems

Good Girl

Look at you, sitting there being good.
After two years you're still dying for a cigarette.
And not drinking on weekdays, who thought that one up?
Don't you want to run to the corner right now
for a fifth of vodka and have it with cranberry juice
and a nice lemon slice, wouldn't the backyard
that you're so sick of staring out into
look better then, the tidy yard your landlord tends
day and night — the fence with its fresh coat of paint,
the ash-free barbeque, the patio swept clean of small twigs —
don't you want to mess it all up, to roll around
like a dog in his flowerbeds? Aren't you a dog anyway,
always groveling for love and begging to be petted?
You ought to get into the garbage and lick the insides
of the can, the greasy wrappers, the picked-over bones,
you ought to drive your snout into the coffee grounds.
Ah, coffee! Why not gulp some down with four cigarettes
and then blast naked into the streets, and leap on the first
beautiful man you find? The words Ruin me, haven't they
been jailed in your throat for forty years, isn't it time
you set them loose in slutty dresses and torn fishnets
to totter around in five-inch heels and slutty mascara?
Sure it's time. You've rolled over long enough.
Forty, forty-one. At the end of all this
there's one lousy biscuit, and it tastes like dirt.
So get going. Listen: they're howling for you now:
up and down the block your neighbors' dogs
burst into frenzied barking and won't shut up. 

Kim Addonizio

What Do Women Want?

I want a red dress.
I want it flimsy and cheap,
I want it too tight, I want to wear it
until someone tears it off me.
I want it sleeveless and backless,
this dress, so no one has to guess
what's underneath. I want to walk down
the street past Thrifty's and the hardware store
with all those keys glittering in the window,
past Mr. and Mrs. Wong selling day-old
donuts in their café, past the Guerra brothers
slinging pigs from the truck and onto the dolly,
hoisting the slick snouts over their shoulders.
I want to walk like I'm the only
woman on earth and I can have my pick.
I want that red dress bad.
I want it to confirm
your worst fears about me,
to show you how little I care about you
or anything except what
I want. When I find it, I'll pull that garment
from its hanger like I'm choosing a body
to carry me into this world, through
the birth-cries and the love-cries too,
and I'll wear it like bones, like skin,
it'll be the goddamned
dress they bury me in. 

Kim Addonizio

Expect Nothing - by Alice Walker

Expect Nothing

Expect nothing. Live frugally
On surprise.
become a stranger
To need of pity
Or, if compassion be freely
Given out
Take only enough
Stop short of urge to plead
Then purge away the need.

Wish for nothing larger
Than your own small heart
Or greater than a star;
Tame wild disappointment
With caress unmoved and cold
Make of it a parka
For your soul.

Discover the reason why
So tiny human midget
Exists at all
So scared unwise
But expect nothing. Live frugally
On surprise. 

Alice Walker

The Moment - by Margaret Atwood

The Moment

The moment when, after many years
of hard work and a long voyage
you stand in the centre of your room,
house, half-acre, square mile, island, country,
knowing at last how you got there,
and say, I own this,

is the same moment when the trees unloose
their soft arms from around you,
the birds take back their language,
the cliffs fissure and collapse,
the air moves back from you like a wave
and you can't breathe.

No, they whisper. You own nothing.
You were a visitor, time after time
climbing the hill, planting the flag, proclaiming.
We never belonged to you.
You never found us.
It was always the other way round. 

Margaret Atwood

Head over Heart

1. Don't compare your life with others-each has its own journey and own challenges

2. Don't believe everything you see, we project what we want others to see. Only eyes are capable of revealing the real emotions -smiles are as true  as the commercials televised. 

3. Always save some love for yourself .

4. Keep your feelings to yourself. The more you reveal the more vulnerable you become. 

5. Not everyone is kind, and giving your heart is not a guarantee that it will be treasured. 

6. It is more important to have people who love you in your life than being with someone you love. 

7. The heart never forgets.

8. If the relationship does not enhance your life, it is time for it to go. 

9. Nobody changes, we just assume that as we grow older we are wiser. Our intrinsic traits remain the same.

10. You can survive without giving love, but not without receiving.

11. We can only give what we have in us - if you are bitter, all you will spew is poison. 

12. Some things are not meant to be understood, let it go. 

13. Whatever happens, don't harden your heart - keep kindness alive by forgiving.

14. Give only if it gives you happiness in return. 

15. Every night make sure you sleep with a heart devoid of any resentment - you never know if it would wake up in the morning.

16. You can give all the love you  have, but you only see light with eyes open and there is no way you can control that. 

Quotes on Money

“While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
― Groucho Marx

“Young people, nowadays, imagine that money is everything.
Yes, murmured Lord Henry, settling his button-hole in his coat; and when they grow older they know it.”
― Oscar Wilde

“No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first.” 

“It's amazing. The moment you show cash, everyone knows your language.”

“It is a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.”

“The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide.” 

Money is a great servant but a bad master.”

“The Duke of Dunstable had one-way pockets.
He would walk ten miles in the snow to chisel an orphan out of tuppence.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

Contradictions in life

The consolidation of our own contradictory desires is a challenge we face as thinking and feeling humans. If you are lucky and  just take life in your stride, without the fear of over analysis, life is indeed a breeze of  laughter and joy, maybe lacking depth, but joyous for sure. Yet some of us are born to think, a trait that makes grasping of tender moments of life a gesture of huge effort.

The more you look into yourself, the more you realize, that our needs and desires are always in conflict. Decisions would be so much easier if there was just one aspect to our personalities. It  does take courage to look within yourself and admit that what you really want in life is not only perplexing, but logically not possible. 

The struggle to find harmony,to satisfy the mutually exclusive desires is what causes call the tensions in our lives. Trying to find logic to your heart's desires, to just accept that all these contradictions are indeed part of you and to to make sense of the senseless  takes lots of courage. 

It would be so much easier to just experience life, to just feel it like you feel the cool evening breeze in the summer, just be able to laugh and enjoy, to act without  any thought involved, to just keep the mind empty and heart full of joy. Wouldn't it be wonderful to just live in the moment,  having no regrets, and no expectations, just enjoying the ride.

Yet maybe it is all these contradictions that add flavor to our lives, the mystery of not knowing what you might discover about yourself as you dig deep. Accepting our innate nature, loving our eccentricities, just being honest with ourselves irrespective of the image you portray to others, is what living all about.

Nature talk

Growing up as a child we are taught that human beings are the only animals capable of communication. Look around us, and you realize that it is simply not true, We maybe incompetent and not equipped to understand the language of nature but nature does communicate. Sitting on the patio, feeling the cool breeze, I tried to listen to the silence of the breeze. What if the breeze was blind and talking to me in braille? Was my skin reading all that was being written, the language at times urgent and furious, and at other barely whispering and audible. Yet what if it was trying to pass me a message, what if the fragrance of lavender a secret gift from someone long gone ?

Maybe the bamboo trees rustling and hissing were talking to me too. At times reprimanding me, and others softly singing a lullaby to me. And of course the rain, showering the blessing of life or creating a devastation that can at times be inexplicable.

The birds, are they telling me something too - their chirping and singing , a message of freedom, a message that maybe life is all spreading your wings and finding your own place in life. How can a song so melodious be meaningless, how can the sometimes incessant chirping and whistling be non consequential?

The language of nature is deeper, just because we fail or don't take the effort to connect to comprehend the messages hidden in every living being and element in life doesn't mean that they are just communicating with each other. Maybe they are waiting for us to reply with love or just that they are as much a part of our being as the blood in our body.

So feel the breeze, let the sun kiss or burn your skin, let the waves splash and hug your feet, and let the birds just sing your love songs to you..... maybe their collective wisdom will make the mystery called life easier to solve.

Silences

Why do some people have the power to hurt you? Inaction is as hurtful as action. Words hurt but silence hurts more. There is something very powerful about the unsaid. Silences can demean you, they can taunt you and create monsters in even in the brightest of hearts.

Silence lets you fill in your own colors - depending on how you feel. It's ambiguity  stealthily erases all the footprints that can be traced back unlike its counterpart the words. Silences in relations are like barbed wires - cutting anyone who tries to cross it. 

You can swim in the deep waters of silence trying to find solace, only to find that you have lost sight of the shores. Your own thoughts distorted echo back to you. The unspoken words, meant to say a thousand words, are as powerful as the meanest of words or as powerful as the most loving words. e

Some people prefer take refuge in the unspoken words, avoiding the confrontation of words, or expression. Silence with right body language is more expressive than any poetic phrase , more lethal and potent. They can fill a room with fear or let love bloom through the language of eyes. 

But silences that are meant to create distances are the most potent. They can destroy you, they can shoot down your hopes,and crush your hearts. Silences are meant to enhance words and using it otherwise is not only unwise but also cruel to a certain extent.

A poem by Ana Castillo, I Ask the Impossible

“I ask the impossible: love me forever.
Love me when all desire is gone.
Love me with the single mindedness of a monk.
When the world in its entirety,
and all that you hold sacred advise you
against it: love me still more.
When rage fills you and has no name: love me.
When each step from your door to our job tires you--
love me; and from job to home again, love me, love me.
Love me when you're bored--
when every woman you see is more beautiful than the last,
or more pathetic, love me as you always have:
not as admirer or judge, but with
the compassion you save for yourself
in your solitude.
Love me as you relish your loneliness,
the anticipation of your death,
mysteries of the flesh, as it tears and mends.
Love me as your most treasured childhood memory--
and if there is none to recall--
imagine one, place me there with you.
Love me withered as you loved me new.
Love me as if I were forever--
and I, will make the impossible
a simple act,
by loving you, loving you as I do”

In favor of shallowness.

“She avoids deep thought like an empty restaurant, not out of stupidity, but a canny resolve to be happy.” ― Alex Shakar, Luminarium

Don't let anyone etch on your heart - let them write - write with erasable chalk - chalk that can be washed away with rain to give space for the story to be amended into a positive ending. Passion and intensity are qualities that are erroneously highly rated - all they do is burn you out. If life is meant to be enjoyed, if we want to move on in life, we have to make sure that our heart only experiences scratches, not irreparable damage leaving it useless to function again.

Shallowness is not bad, how can it be? You don't drown in shallow water, you are not scared of it. Deep waters are where all the monsters lurk, scaring the bravest of all. Yet for some of us, intensity has been the norm, leading at times to obsessive behavior. Passion in work is encouraged, sincerity, loyalty are all perceived as virtues. But think about it are they really? Does loyalty really pay or passion in work or love give you at least part of what it demands from you ?

We have been misled to believe that giving our 100% is what makes us successful. No one tells you the price that you pay for it. Look around you , does sincerity really pay ? Intensity takes a lot from you, sincerity gives a lot and loyalty, well a shallow person is happy with the glitter - who cares if it is gold or not. 

I wish to learn to walk on shallow waters, clear water, where even if I slip and fall, I will not drown. Of course who is to define what is shallow and what is deep - what is loyal and what is disloyal, after all they are all what we perceive them to be, and our perceptions are all relative. In the ideal world of course we would be shallow, all protected and totally untouched, surrounded by sincere intense people wishing us the best in the world. Yet all I know is, if you are able to bounce back, if you are able to move on without even a shred of guilt, without even one bit of remorse, if your conscience is sleepy and your love flitting, life becomes a joyous ride. 

Justifying emotions.

Emotions - those set of feelings that make us human , give us joy and pain. Comprehending unreasonable emotions with reason is a  task we carry out everyday. Reasoning our actions, justifying our emotions can be frustrating and perplexing to say the least.  But then when were emotions supposed to be logical and practical?
Keeping your heart in place, requires more effort than we are given credit for. Love is blind and so is anger and resentment. Basically all these emotions are so intertwined and ined that it is impossible to segregate them into different boxes.
We  all in our own ways struggle to make sense of certain events in our lives. Our past decisions, our actions or inactions all follow us into our present. We are molded by our past, whether we like it or not. We can bury it,erase it from our memories, or try to reason it, but we cannot shrug it off . Our past is a part of our present.
Some wounds take forever to heal, some you learn to live with, and some others we try and find closures. Closures, ending of a chapter, justifying that our decisions were the best we could have made at the moment, all help us in moving on.  Without finding closure there is no forgiveness, and without forgiveness, there is no true moving on .
Confronting the unresolved issues is not always the wisest - yet if we have to move on, to live completely in the present, the need to know that there was no other possible solution is very intense. Every story needs a justifiable ending, an ending that makes sense and answers all our questions - all our whys. Closures give  way to new beginnings in the truest sense and bring solace to our heart. Not all stories have end, some just follow us  forever. A mystery unresolved,  mocking us and often leaving us with unquenchable desire to comprehend it all.
I am not sure if it is humanly possible to close a chapter and move forward without ever looking back, but understanding and finding answers do push us to move forward without our past dragging us down.