“I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.”
― The Kite Runner
― The Kite Runner
For some people forgiveness comes easily, and for some like me it is struggle to let go. I have a tendency to hold grudge, nothing that I am proud of, but it is something that I am aware of and conciously try to rectify. I am not a bitter or angry person, far from it. I learnt early on not to let negative experiences harden me or make me a cynic, although I am not sure how far I have succeeded. We all have our drawbacks and mine is finding within me the courage to just let go. Let go not because I am a good person, which incidently I would like to believe I am, but because I find that holding on to negative experiences can be all-consuming and logically thinking, a real waste of time. But letting go needs a closure, it needs forgiving. I find at times in long term relationships, we have these perceived slights that if left unattended can grow into monstrous proportions. We all see a situation contaminated by our preconceived notions, and it is impossible for us to either not hurt anyone or be hurt by someone over the period of our lifetime. Add to it a dose of ego and you have the perfect recipe for a disaster waiting to happen.
Although I am not quick to forgive, I am quick to ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness, constant forgivness is an important aspect of a loving relationship. Recently I found myself waiting for someone to apologize, till I realized that what I perceived to be wrongdoing might not be perceived the same way by the other person. Everyday as I waited for the perfect apology -I was reliving the negative experience and helping it grow into something toxic. After a few weeks, it struck me that waiting for an apology from someone who thought they were never in the wrong in the first place was fooliness personified. I was the only one getting hurt. The longer I waited for the imaginary apology, the more I was torturing myself. I had to forgive and move on.
But is forgivness possible without genuine apology? It is not easy but definitely possible. Give yourself permission to forgive to move on. And honestly if you are quick to forget, you are definitely in for some luck. Life is too short to hang on to matters that don't actually add value to your life. Learn the art of forgiving without getting an apology and your heart will thank you for it. Now forgiving yourself for your shortcomings is a whole different story..
