Half way through ..

There is this big dilemma in middle age - you either accept that you are done with your youth and peak productive years or you take this as an opportunity to reinvent yourself or should I say reveal your true self and take it as a second opportunity to live life on your terms.

You wake up to realize that it took much shorter period of time to reach this age - it came too soon and all of a sudden you are aware of every passing year. Time doesn't slow as you age, it rushes ... using gravity in all possible ways imaginable ... (just look at your skin )

You realize that you are half way through life - considering that you will live your life till 80s and will be living it healthy. You have experienced life  in ways only you can - and have experienced loss, love, heartbreaks, career slumps .. and potential risks. You know by now that life cannot be planned and charted out, you just make the best of the journey.

Healthy diets start to hold a different meaning - cholesterol is real, hypertension is real and when your doctor says that you have to have annual checkups after 40s - you know that youth is smiling and waving you goodbye. Mid-life crisis looms - you want to hang in with the enchanting fragrances of youth , you want to hold on to the illusion of being immortal and when  it dawns on you that the time is ticking - that before you know you would be gone, the urgency to fulfill all the desires takes prominence.

Yet this is a phase that is so unique - you learn to love yourself more, and believe me everything looks perfect with imperfect eyes - natures way of softening the blow when you look in the mirror.You realize that life is still beautiful and all the small stuff that you spent your youth worrying about doesn't really matter. You have gained enough experience in life to know that this too shall pass.

You also find that it is very liberating to know that there are no set rules - they were all set by someone else for their convenience.Learning to speak and write without worrying about repercussions comes easy and the list of to dos become prioritized. Messy houses, peoples approval  start to matter less  and the realization that life is meant to be enjoyed through your own unique eyes. Guilt gets reserved for only serious matters.

By the mid -forties , you learn to love and live with your idiosyncrasies, and appreciate the people who love you in spite of all the  flaws. Time becomes precious and the urgency to do what you love and be with your loved ones takes precedent.

You no longer hesitate to show your true crazy self  and are well-versed in filtering the disapproved looks. Life does get better - time more valuable and the people you love more precious .

A Good Marriage

Successful marriages are not made in heaven, but in everyday life . You have to work for it -you have to put in effort. Marriage is just the beginning - it is a promise of two mature individuals to be there for each in times happiness and sickness. A commitment to support each other , to be loyal and love each other.

We change, we grow, times change, circumstances change - good times, bad times, growing family, unexpected loss of wages, ill -health- name it - we all go through it at some time or another. Life happens and at times we are unable to keep up with it. Marriage requires work, marriage requires you to be present in the relationship, present , aware and willing to resolve.

Good marriages are not perfect- they cannot be, because we are not. A good partnership though makes us a better person - we are better because of the other person. Together you create a life that brings more joy than when we are alone. Yet every marriage is different. Some thrive on distance, some thrive on being physically together - whatever be the case - until and unless the relationship changes with you, changes with times, it will not survive.

Marriage is demanding - everything that is of value is demanding  and while we give, we have to learn to take too. Two people living in close proximity, sharing intimacy - physical and mental can need space to grow or they will  wilt. We can only love well, when we have known love - can only give, when we have something to give. Most people expect miracles in relationships. Expecting a cure for your loneliness, expecting it to be a fairy tale ending . Forgiving and moving forward, caring and more caring, listening, all the advices only work when we are fulfilled in ourselves ,Nobody completes us, nobody can.

One thing I have learnt is, love is what love does. Words are meaningless - but actions, small caring actions, thoughtfulness, respect and genuine concern for the other partner is what matters in the end.

Simply Free...

“When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.”
― Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man

Freedom is being in harmony with your true self. It is just being, with no desire to change, no conflicting emotions, just being. Freedom brings a sense of lightness, a sense of being at the right place at the right time. Freedom is feeling the sunshine on your skin,, the breeze teasing your hair... and true freedom when you are actually present in the moment , with your mind and soul all present in your experience.

There is a freedom in letting go. Freedom in letting go of a need to control, letting go of your need to control results, just letting go. Letting go of even wanting to be happy. Accepting the situation and being happy in the moment. Even if it is momentary, it is liberating to be what you truly are supposed to be, to experience this world as only you can . A fish is true only in its natural habitat, a bird only when it can fly, and we  only when we believe we have all we want to be happy in this very moment. We can only experience truly life by being ourselves.

Freedom and happiness go hand in hand. The moment I decide and choose to be happy, I am free. No ifs, and no what ifs , no past, no future - just content to experience life .We all have that choice, to just be.

It is of course easier said than done. We are always trying to save others, trying to shape our kids futures, planning our future. But every time I plan, I am tying myself down and my happiness to the outcomes that I don't actually control. Every time I live in future, I miss not being present in the now. Every time I live in past, I live in distorted memories.

Freedom comes at a price - it requires your courage, to scrape the layers of mask that you have learnt to put on and to expose yourself. You might not like what you see - you might have the mask of a beautiful dove, only to reveal a scary and ugly self or it might also be that you thought you were a mouse, but scrape to reveal that you are an eagle that can soar in the sky. The beauty is, you never know till you scrape the layers.

Freedom is something that is close to my heart - I choose  to live my life,  I choose my thoughts, and I have the freedom to change my opinions.

How I go to the woods

Ordinarily, I go to the woods alone, with not a single
friend, for they are all smilers and talkers and therefore 
unsuitable.

I don’t really want to be witnessed talking to the catbirds 
or hugging the old black oak tree. I have my way of
praying, as you no doubt have yours. 

Besides, when I am alone I can become invisible. I can sit
on the top of a dune as motionless as an uprise of weeds, 
until the foxes run by unconcerned. I can hear the almost
unhearable sound of the roses singing.

If you have ever gone to the woods with me, I must love
you very much.” 

― Mary Oliver, 

Ravages of time

Colour - wonderful colours - shades of grey, red, green, blue and browns. We all love colours in our life - different shapes, different strokes, yet when it comes to the human race , we are so eager to box the whole race into one type. It doesn't matter if it is the west or east, the fascination with our concept of physical beauty is universal. And beauty and youth go hand in hand.

Maybe youth promises us with hope, a future - and there is hardly any culture that is not in awe with it.

Every culture has its preconceived notion of  beauty , but ultimately beauty is in the eye of beholder. What pleases one's  sense of aesthetics may not be the same for other. Raised in a culture obsessed with "fair complexion", it definitely was an eyeopener to find tanning  salons promoting shades of warm browns in the western society. Ideal weight, perfect skin, beautiful hair and of course the obvious need to be recognized and appreciated  drives the wellness and beauty industry.

Beauty might be skin deep for some, but we with our innate insecurities and  our vain personalities scamper for products that are supposed to transform us into more appealing personalities. Everybody likes to be appreciated, we all have the deep desire to be accepted  and admired, even though theoretically the concept of "beauty of heart" is widely propagated and socially accepted.

Nothing puts the spotlight on beauty  more than effortless youth. Our desperate measures to hang into the last residues of youth and the ever expanding beauty industry with focus on anti-aging products all pin-point to the association of beauty with youth.

Aging is just the process of life writing its story on our body and face - all the pleasant and unpleasant events are drawn on our bodies  and face. The graying hair, the drooping eyes, sagging skin all indicators that the ravages of time are carving their own story on our bodies and are  a daily reminder of the  imminent decay the mortal being.

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

WILD GEESE

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.