Insecurity and fear

Why is it that the more we have, the more we fear? The basis for all our fears in life is insecurity. Nothing in life is guaranteed, and the fear of loss stems up from the very source of wisdom, which wants us to believe that we are in control of our lives. Life cannot be planned, life cannot be predicted, yet when we look at how we live and have lived, it is all a series of thoughtful and seemingly wise decisions taken without the consideration that change is inevitable.

Security , the warm fuzzy feeling of being cocooned in all that is good, all that you want from life. The feeling of knowing you have enough, that you are loved for what you are - without any agenda for improvements. Yet our inner voice, the wise voice knows, that only guarantee in life is change and that is when the conflict between what we have and our fear of losing it gives rise to insecurity and fear. We try everything within our means to keep the current comfy situation the way it is. Desperately clinging to some wild belief that we can control the change, we amass wealth, greedily hoarding for the rainy day, never sure that we have enough. We try  drastic measures to look young, resorting at times to mutilating our body, unable to accept that although our souls may live forever, our physical body is decaying every minute, eager to be one with the dust. 

We hang on to people we love, drowning them at times with our fears and insecurities. Every negative action or reaction is based on our fear of insecurity and loss. Maybe this is what differentiates us from the other creatures in nature, our sense of entitlement, our belief that the world revolves around us and our refusal to admit the only truth that we are just travelers passing by this beautiful planet.

If we take a deep breath and think, really think, the gist of life, the reason for living becomes clear. We are in a journey together , whether we admit it or not , like it or not, it is the same destination . We have a choice, to take each day, each breath and appreciate the beauty around us. We have the choice to either love our life or to change it with action. Whatever we do, the fact remains, that ultimately all we can gather are memories, memories created by us, created with love. Create memories, breathe in the beauty around you. Look up from the books, look around and smile, not because we have perfect life, smile because you realize that life happened to you ...

Coming alive

There are two paths to follow in life , times when you just have to let life write its story to you and you go with the flow. Then there are times, when you have to take a stand for yourself to just maybe feel that, yes you are alive and empowered. Choosing the right path at the right time is the key to living. Knowing when to just let go and when to take charge.

I have always believed in going with the flow, because fighting against it took up lot of my energy and at times led to disappointments. But I have realised that taking the reins of life in my hands sometimes even if it leads to utter failure gave me more satisfaction . 

Taking action is empowering ourselves.Passivity breeds dependency and  helplessness.We ourselves are responsible for filling in the cracks in our personalities that prevent us from feeling complete. Nobody, absolutely nobody can make us feel complete just  as nobody can make us feel incomplete. Two people don't complete each other , rather two complete people complement each other. Every time we look for the puzzle piece outside of ourselves, we fail. 

Yet we  are social animals and  try as much as we might, we are always looking for  approval from outside sources. Our self-esteem, our very perception about who we are , is dependent to a certain extent to other people's opinions about us. Freedom comes from not disassociating ourselves from other people's reactions, but by refusing to be defined by them.

The journey to be a complete version of myself, where I am comfortable in my own company, in my own skin is a long and maybe arduous one. I might be successful or maybe not, but the first step to loving myself has been discovering that living a life in the reflection of other people's expectation is living a life of lie. No reflections, no judgements, just plain breathing and living and celebrating our very existence is what life is about. 

The anxiety demon

Ever had an anxiety attack? It is like living through a nightmare , all the scenarios of things that can go wrong , all happening at one place and same time. Fear takes over reasoning, and you are transported from the present moment into a future from hell, You feel paralyzed by the out of control non stop chattering in your head, pushing you into a deeper hole of helplessness. Like a drowning man, you struggle to keep afloat, gasping for a breath, wishing the hush the voices in your head that sometimes spirals you out of control.

Insecurity and fear of change are the worst enemy. Fear erodes your self confidence and insecurity is like the shackles that imprisons you and is a major impediment in Living life. Fear is the product of insecurity. Life is unpredictable, and change is mandatory.  The problem is change is unpredictable. Although consciously we are all aware of the fluid nature of our existence, yet we live in a state of denial.

I find the more comfortable I am in a situation, the more resistant I am for change. The more I hold on to what I have, the more I am insecure. Just like you need to eat healthy consistently, exercise regularly to maintain your physical health, you also need to contemplate on the impermanence of life everyday. Living in the moment requires all your attention. It is a practice , a regular meditati and ongoing work in progress.

There are some people who are strong enough to live a fulfilled life without faith, but I find it hard to survive just by logical thoughts about the reason we are existing. There is no reason to believe that the facts are truth. Believing in a power larger than us, empowers us to dream big. Believing  in miracles, rises us above our belief that we are small and insignificant .