The long nagging sessions are finally over.I am at peace. All the futile lectures, all the threats, the blackmails in the name of discipline coming to its natural end., culminating in a responsible adult. First phase of parenting a child giving way to parenting an adult.Our conversations have evolved this summer from my "you should do this", to discussing his favourite band, or a book he would like to read or my take on his favourite TV show.. Our relatioship has evolved - slowly over the years from a nurturer to a friend, from him beng a dependent, to in many ways a productive contributor to the househole. Ambitious first generation immigrant mom had given way to a westernized open-minded it is your life mom. And I am loving the new changed dynamics.
To give you the background, my son is quite like me - we are both dreamers - although my ability to dream was lost in the process of growing old, his seems to have taken wings as he grew older.The fodder for both has been books.After all the Mills and Boons are as real as the fantasy world of dragons.. As parents, we have the desire to protect our kids, to ensure their success and at times we go to ridiculous lengths to do so. In my enthusiasm to guide my kids to a better life, brighter future, I forgot that we are different personalities and generation apart. Somewhere in the process of growing up, my two year genius (every parent fantasizes that), blossomed into a regular confused hormone infused teenager.
The transition from being a doting parent, trying to impose my idea of success and good life on my son, to being a friend has not been easy and to be honest I am still in the process of learning to trust his decisions. But there have been few grains of truth that I am trying to clasp in my fist.
1. Give respect to receive respect - a simple rule that applies to all relationships, works here too.
2. Listen. Period. I have always been so busy trying to impose my thoughts on my kids, trying to imbibe values, that along the way, I stopped listening Listening and empathizing makes you a good friend
3 And as with every adult relationship, give space, set boundaries and have fun. You can breathe now - your kid is alive and healthy and an adult.
4. Life is life - tough, easy, unpredictable. Let it reveal itself to them. Don't let your cynicism trickle down to them. Let them exerience life in their own unique way.
5. Finally, their success, their failure, their heartbreaks, will hurt you more, even rendering you helpless. You will be questioning your own ability as a parent, you will in reflex want to just reach out and solve their problems, don't. .Let go. It is their life. You are the safety net, but they have to trapeze through life on their own.
6. Don't stop showing and telling that you love them. Love unconditionally.
So here I am , not defeated, but defintely wiser, because last time I had a ""talk" with my son, it was more on the lines of - life is too short, but take time to fnd your passion and don't forget to have fun. In the process of his journey to discover his true passion, I hold on to the secret, that I hope to find my passion one day too.
