Of New Years and Resolutions

Time for the old to fade away and to prepare for the birth of New year. Every year's beginning promises us new adventures, new dreams and before long we are committed to do things differently or should I say better than we did the year before. I always end up making resolutions, have even ended up making a resolution of making no resolutions one year. How far I stick  to it, is anyone's guess as the resolutions seem to repeat itself every year.

But this year I have a set of resolutions that I hope to be my mantra for living. 2014 is the year to change attitude, to treat myself right and to  rise above myself. 

In 2014, I promise to 

1. Focus on myself and people who love me.

2. I promise to listen to only what I want to listen. Yes I am going to be Ms.Always Right this year. No more explaining, no more justifying my actions to anyone.

3. Forgive easily. I want to travel emotionally lighter. No more other people's baggages, no more living lives that are not mine. 

4. Laugh more , dream big and and rediscover faith.

5. Let gratitude guide me to leading a more content life. 

6. Be kinder to my kids, and remind myself everyday that it is indeed their life - I can love them, but not prevent them from making mistakes.

7.Be more easygoing and just let things take of themselves. 

8. Meditate on the impermanence of everything in life everyday, just to appreciate what I have, and know that tomorrow is another day.

9. Keep friends close to my heart. 

10.Lastly , but not in the least, I promise to love life, and go against my basic nature and be more spontaneous -the only way to live life. 

Love, life and happiness

No matter how bad your current situation is there is always something that is beautiful in it. Fact remains bad, good are all the terms that we give to our situations. Life is ever changing, we are ever changing, nothing remains the same. That is the truth, the ultimate truth. We are constantly resisting change, yet the key to living life is to flow like the water, find ways between the crevices, to just keep flowing. 

Searching for happiness, love or peace invites more strife in our lives. Every reality , every fiction, every pain and every joy is deep rooted in our minds. The key is to open up our minds and not only accept our transient nature in this universe but to embrace it with joy. Happiness is now and here, peace is accepting the situation and just having faith. And all this is possible only when we realise that love is the key to living. 

Love is so hard to define. It is not possessing someone's soul, nor somebody's body. It is not being with each other 24/7. Love is all that is good, love is embracing life, being joyful , being thankful. Without love in our hearts we are nothing. Love defines our very existence. 

Love begins with loving ourselves, not in the narcissistic way, but being genuinely thankful for this opportunity to experience life, for our very existence. Loving ourselves ensures that we feel we are blessed, that we lack nothing in our lives. Until and unless we learn to love ourselves and our lives, we will never ever be able to love others. You can only give what you have. Fill yourself with so much of love that it spills over to whoever you meet and whatever you touch. Be so at peace with yourself that only kindness and genuine concern radiate from your whole being. 

Loving oneself is not as easy as it sounds. Most of us are unkind to ourselves, we don't forgive ourselves and our failibbles are easily. Yet the key to living a happy life lies in loving ourselves and although the learning process can be treacherous, it is the only way to really LIVE life.So love your life, and love yourself, for no one else holds the key to your happiness. 

Redefining Success

“A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.”
― Bob Dylan

For long,our perception of success has been defined by what society terms as "high achievers". Success has been regularly been labeled with materialistic gains, accolades and of course our belief that the person has achieved a seemingly difficult task. Confident men and women, living a life of extravagance, flaunting their wealth and achievements as a symbolic mean of leading a life that is successful.

I am all for excellence, I am all for achieving high goals, without which human life would not have evolved for better.  Yet recently when someone's 15 year old committed suicide, because of failing grades, it broke my heart. 

Success is not just reaching your goal, but how well you cope with downfalls, and setbacks too. Each of us have some impediments that are blocking our way to lead a happy and fulfilled life. Success  for me is recognizing those blockages  and working our way either by removing them or working around it. 

We need to teach kids not only to value  excellence, but also the art for living life to the fullest. Learning to deal with setbacks, failures, is part of leading a successful life. It is not what happens to you that defines your character, but how you react to it.  Having grown up in an environment where success was etched out in very specific terms,  where your whole identity was defined in numbers , marks,or money, I still struggle to label my  life as successful.

Life is beautiful, life itself is an opportunity. A successful life is one that has learnt the joy of giving,loving  and thanking.Smile in the face of  life, laugh with it, feel the pain of fellow beings, share your passion and above all be true to yourself. A heart that can hope in despair situations, eyes that can see the silver lining in the clouds, and the  mind that is not ready to give up dreaming constitutes a successful life.

Add colours to your life, teach the kids that life is more than numbers, that success and failures are relative. Gift them the  key to living a complete life.





 

Contradictions in life

We are full of contradictions. We are the only species with the ability to communicate, yet we are still isolated in our own bubbles. We are intelligent enough to explore the space and celestial bodies, yet we struggle to find solutions in relationships. We are wise enough to know that life is short and unpredictable, yet we live our lives working as if money is going to secure our life on this planet for ever. 

Our emotions are conflicting, our thoughts too, a bundle of haves and have nots, a constant battle of rights and wrongs seem to rule our lives. Why is it that seemingly simple relationships, take a toll on our bodies and minds? Why are interactions with each other at different levels so complex ?

Human mind is not only intelligent, it is a jumble of emotions. Ever changing whirlpool of feelings, staggered into depths that can scare the bravest of us. In our quest to conquer the world, to understand and grasp the meaning of life, we forget to look deep into our hearts. Learning to be honest with ourselves takes practice and courage, because truth can be ugly and not so easy to handle.

Our mettle is tested with each challenge, and how we respond to it. Do we wallow in self-pity or do we accept responsibility? Do we count our blessings or do we just look for lost opportunities? Do we build our strengths or do we focus on our weaknesses? Failures break us, and over the time we have the opportunity to rebuild it with more awareness about our inner resources. Every closure forces us to reinvent and rebuild ourselves.

Ultimately, life is a just a series of incidents, go with the flow, let every event reveal the depths of your strength and widen your horizon.Life is beautiful, and the only way to enjoy it is embrace it with open arms and open hearts. Yet one of the hardest thing for a human being to do is to be open. Life is simple, organized to a certain extent , with natural laws and guidelines guiding all species to a certain extent.

Light and Shadow

The best of us, are at times incapable of handling feelings of sadness and grief by ourselves. Our whole life is centered towards bringing in happiness forgetting that light can cast shadow too. We are often under the wrong impression that being happy means being in the state of everlasting bliss.

You need tears to soften your heart, just like rain softens the parched land. Without experiencing sadness and sorrow, there is no way we will learn to recognize happiness. Everything in life is relative, every emotion, every feeling has an opposite emotion. It is not only impossible but also not healthy to be happy all the time. High tide brings you gifts from far away, but only in low tides are we able to recognize and gather them.

Sadness is powerful, carrying you away with its force. Struggling or pretending to feel anything else is only going to prolong the cure. Hearts are strange that way, some fragile, breaking into pieces at the slightest blow, while others softening with each disappointment. People who are projecting a happy image, just so that their loved ones don't feel their pain, are the worst in recovering.

Even the happiest of us all go through phases of feeling low at times. Call it mood swings or nature's way of balancing, but just when you think you are strong enough, have been hardened enough by life to face any adversity in life with a smile, the monstrous head of grief pops up.

A little bit of sadness is what keeps us humane, but the realization that we are not as strong as we thought we were can throw us off guard and shake our confidence to the core. It is easy to ignore and pretend that all is fine , that you are unaffected by the disappointments and heartbreak, to just smile and march on, keeping all the feelings deep in. Negative feelings are strange, ignore them and they become intense. 

Quotes by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“Men are made for happiness, and he who is completely happy has the right to say to himself, 'I am doing God's will on earth.” 

“Nothing in this world is harder than speaking the truth, nothing easier than flattery.” 

“To love someone means to see them as God intended them.” 

“If you wish to glimpse inside a human soul and get to know a man, don't bother analyzing his ways of being silent, of talking, of weeping, of seeing how much he is moved by noble ideas; you will get better results if you just watch him laugh. If he laughs well, he's a good man.” 

“I love mankind, he said, "but I find to my amazement that the more I love mankind as a whole, the less I love man in particular.” 

“Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” 

“The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for.” 

“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart.” 

“Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others.” 

“One man doesn't believe in god at all, while the other believes in him so thoroughly that he prays as he murders men!” 

Quotes on Beauty

“It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.”
― Leo Tolstoy, The Kreutzer Sonata

“Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”
― Franz Kafka

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.” 

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” 

“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” 

“You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes, or for their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear.” 

Unfolding Life

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
― Oscar Wilde

To live everyday and look at life with new eyes means to die a little everyday. Until and unless we slowly kill our old thoughts, unlearn what we have learned over the years, we are not learning anything new. To live life, to experience it fully, it is essential for us to change, to bring fresh thinking in our lives. Unlearning is as important as learning. Letting go is as important as holding on. Pain to a certain extent accentuates pleasure. Life is full of contradictions, nothing is absolute, not even truth. The only truth is love and kindness and the certainty of every beginnings having an end.

Our quest for love and happiness, for acceptance and security defines our journey called life. Look closely, think deeply, ultimately we are all here just for an unknown given time - not just temporary, but also the duration of our stay is undefined. Our struggles, our small victories, our sometimes marching ahead, sometimes dragging our feet, all weaves a story unique to us. Each one of us has a story to tell, each one of us has an opinion about how life is supposed to be lived, every mind perceives differently, yet we are all same. Our desires, our pains, our happiness and our stories of failures and successes are identical to a certain extent.


Travel, meet people,open your mind, let people peek into your soul, and connect - connect to realize that although we look different, our aspirations may be poles apart, we all are a bundle of contradictions, we all are insecure and fearful, all seeking love and validation to give meaning to our lives. Look beyond differences, look beyond appearances, look beyond pretences and you realize the meaning of life is to connect, to share joys and sorrows and to love.

Love life, love yourself and find joy in your heart. Come alive by living in the moment, to consciously steer away from plans for tomorrow . Past, there is no escape, it is a part of you - a shadow you cannot catch. How you deal with your past, creates your present character. 

Gratitude

Thanksgiving - a day where you celebrate life by showing appreciation for all that compiles to make your life beautiful. People, things, emotions, everything that makes living worthwhile. It is funny though that although some of things I am grateful for stays the same every year - like family, friends and good health, there are some on the sidelines that keep changing.

Gratitude gives you eyes to look at life. We are surrounded - actually we live in the midst of beauty, except we fail to see it. Whenever we are thankful, we are in our own ways expressing love. Without love, without gratitude, happiness is impossible. Here are the list of things I am thankful for this year - yes specifically this year.

1. I am thankful for the influences that stabilize my life. Years ago I was looking for adventure and stability translated to boredom,  now I am thankful for that same boredom.
2.I am thankful for now being the shortest in the house, for kids  turning into youths.
3.I am thankful for my health, that allows me to work and provide a source of income
4.This year I am especially thankful for a job that lets me interact with people from all walks of life, letting me glimpse into their lives and inspire me to be kind and a better person.
5.I am most grateful for all the people who have walked into my life this year, in real life, in virtual life, and have made me a part of their lives. I never ever take it for granted all the love and care that I receive.

Year after year my list of gratitude keeps on growing, and I am especially grateful for this life- for this opportunity to be part of this throbbing living universe.

The list is never ending - just like the joys in my life, the unlimited love , the consistent support system in my life and a heart that believes that spreading joy warms your heart.  Wishing all the people who love me and who I love, a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Money Matters

“Until and unless you discover that money is the root of all good, you ask for your own destruction. When money ceases to become the means by which men deal with one another, then men become the tools of other men. Blood, whips and guns--or dollars. Take your choice--there is no other.”
― Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Day in day out we work, our very being revolves around earning a living, working maybe at times for jobs we hate, sacrificing our sleep and peace and our health, all because we want to make a living to survive and live life. Our needs, our desires are inflamed by the propaganda of materialism. Look around you, there are hoardings screaming and inciting in you the "wants". It might be the desire to travel, see the world, the desire to own a thing of beauty, or simply just to satiate your taste buds; all have one thing in common, they all need money. Simply put, love it or hate it, if food is a necessity for survival, if a roof over your head is the basic need, earning and keeping money is the first step in living. 

Why do most of us work? Why do most of us even study? The end result would be to make a living. Yes, with a few exceptions, for the rest of us it seems at times, the purpose of life is to make a living. To work, to earn , to pay bills and then repeat the process.

Whether we like it or not, whether we admit it or not, money is one of the most important aspects of our life.Food, clothing, shelter, and not to speak of all our desires cannot be reached without money. Call it energy, call it the root of all evils, but fact remains that for every action, we are dependent on it. Our relationship with money in many ways defines our relationship with life in general.

There are hoarders, whose whole life is moneycentric. The root of their happiness depends on how much they have and how much more they can have. Maybe it is the insecurity, maybe it is greed, but these are the millionaires who will watch out for every penny in their life. They are responsible, but to a certain extent enslaved by money. Instead of money empowering them, they are enslaved by it.

There are the cribbers, who will whine about not having enough, because it is never enough for them. Maybe most of us fall into this category; our desires racing faster than what we can gather. These are the money who feel the root of all their unhappiness is the lack of "enough" in their lives.

There are the drifters - people who want to spend more than they have. They are irresponsible, drowning in debt, with absolutely no respect to the power of money. They would like to be debt free, but without any effort at all. They spend faster than they earn.

And then there are the few enlightened ones, who understand that money is a powerful tool only if you control it . These are the people, who keep their perspectives right - they value it, but their life revolves around something more meaningful. They see money to be a tool - an energy, and yes like all energies, it is flowing and mutating.

And then there are people like me, with belief that it is the root for all evil. People who struggle to build a healthy relationship with power, who learn the hard way that love it or hate it, money does make the world go round.

Fact is although money is not everything, a healthy respect for it goes a long way in making life easier. To sum it all up “Young people, nowadays, imagine that money is everything.

Yes, murmured Lord Henry, settling his button-hole in his coat; and when they grow older they know it.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray and Other Writings

Defining success with some quotes

Success- the criteria to define how well you have lived your life. We are always judging people by the success in their professional and of course personal  life. Yet how would we define success? Is it being better than others or is there a set of guidelines that grants us the label of being successful or failure? After all isn't the opposite of success- failure?

Professionally I guess being successful is reaching the top of the ladder or maybe achieving your goals in career. Of course, the price one pays for it is not accountable and you always pay a price for everything in life. The cost is time, and maybe health - mental and physical. I refuse to believe that what is defined as being successful in career is all without any sacrifice or price.

We all have 24 hrs given to us everyday. Some of us spend it with family and friends, some maybe just lazing around and others focused on their work. Every minute is limited, every second counts. Spending my time on achieving goals that will not give me any pleasure or satisfaction is a dishonor to the time given to me to live.  Even then , we are always trying to reach some place, trying to fulfill some crazy concept of success.

Ultimately what counts is how well we have lived our lives. What matters is how well we have played the cards dealt to us. It all boils down to how much we are loved and how much we love others. It all boils down to how we look at our lives. If I consider my life to be a success, because I have the tools to be happy, does it really matter what others define it as?

“Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.”
― Albert Einstein

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” 

“Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

“The way to screw up somebody's life is to give them what they want.”
― Patrick Swayze

“You have succeeded in life when all you really WANT is only what you really NEED.”
― Vernon Howar

“Missing a train is only painful if you run after it! Likewise, not matching the idea of success others expect from you is only painful if that’s what you are seeking.” 

Letting go or holding on...

As my son is growing older and I know will be waiting to seek my advice on what to do next.  What do I tell him? Should I let him find his own way and make mistakes, or do I just let him lead his life borrowing lessons from my experiences?

Do I warn him of imminent heartbreaks and disappointments or just wait to catch him when he falls? 

Should I tell him that youth doesn't last for long - enjoy it or should I tell him that work hard for money doesn't last for ever  too? 

All these questions are troubling me. In many ways I want him to enjoy and explore the world before he gets ensnared into the worldly routine of making money to pay bills, yet I also know that if he works hard now, paying bills would definitely get easier later in life.

I realize that the time he invests in creating memories with friends will give him something to lean on, yet I also know that the same time he invests in creating his career will make life more comfortable for him.

Oh the perils and choices in parenting. Letting go, holding on, imparting our wisdom, or letting life teach them lessons, making choices for them or letting them choose and learn, the decisions are gut wrenching. 

Of Angels and Fairies

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”
― Roald Dahl

Dragonflies are lucky, and butterflies are your angels. Rainbows mean someone is looking after you and I would like to believe the hummingbird in my yard was sent to give me the message of love. The rays of sun peeking through the clouds are the blessings from another world, the bird singing in my backyard is delivering the message of hope and yes even the ladybird on the dew soaked leaf is just a symbol of good luck. The four leaf clover, the penny found on the road, the butterfly ,hovering over me, bring hope. You may say it is all fantasy,it is superstitious, not the truth, but who cares? 

Life in the world of harsh realities,  life can at times seem unbearable to live. Day to day living, bills, crimes, endless strife -practical matters- needless worries all over the time can leave us questioning the wisdom of life being beautiful. Before we know the joy of living is replaced by just being  a participant in the process of life.

There is no escape from the harsh realities of life, but  romanticizing life by adding a dash of magic to it can make living brighter.  Some may also accuse  you of being unrealistic, yet seeing beyond what is obvious, inventing hope and actively looking for what is beautiful in life, what is good in people is what makes living worthwhile. I find it fascinating that the sun that is casting its last rays on my land, is rising in some far corner of the world. I find the touch of snow flakes magical, the belief and ease with which the trees shed their leaves magical, the instincts of survival in even the smallest of creature magical.

So go ahead, read some fantasies, believe in happy endings, believe in fairies  and angels and add colour to a life that can otherwise turn dreary. Believe in magic, believe in miracles, look at the world with renewed wonder each day - for every day is indeed different.There is no escape from the harsh realities of life

Decisions in Parenting

There are times when the decisions you take as parents are not easy. Especially for me, as I live mostly in grey area - less of black and white.My childhood was different from my children- I know every parents is and that's why they call it the generation gap, but here its more of cultural gap too. Education system was different, (though I have to admit - I hated it), there was tremendous pressure to succeed academically (which again was hated) and the list goes on.

My problem is how do I strike the fine balance ?  I didn't like the pressure of excelling growing up, so there are days when I will just let my son decide when he wants to study. Let him take the lead. This goes on for a couple of weeks, and then the biggest evil of all "guilt" points its finger at me - saying I am a bad parent. So, here I am now pushing my son to work harder, to set the goals higher.

And so the yo-yo continues and I end up feeling like a failure as a parent. I remember when I was a teen and my mother used to goad me to excel or aim higher, I was always like "No -  I don't care". She told me at that time " When you grow older and see others doing better than you, you are going to blame me for not pushing you harder", which was of course dismissed by me without a second thought.  Yet here I am now, 20 years later, blaming my parents for not being ambitious enough for me and not wanting to repeat the same "mistake" with my kids.

So here is my question to all the parents out there - how do you know that you  are pushing your kid just enough?

Living in the moment

What are we afraid of? Look deep and it is all the fear of loss. We are all afraid of losing what we have. It might be our youth, our money, status, people we love or our health. But fear and anxiety is the result of our perception of losing something that we love , something that we perceive we have in our present.

Most of our insecurities, arise out of the fear for future. Our prediction for how things will end, our fictional stories about "what ifs", and our course our arrogant belief that we control our lives. Think about it, all the worries, all the anxieties are the hell created by our own mind.The moment we let our imagination take control over the reality, we spiral down into self-created world - a world far removed from reality, a world that is just not there. If you think logically, get your mind back in control, you will realize that all worrying about the future is just unnecessary suffering. Suffering about something that hasn't happened and maybe will never happen.

Fear is paralyzing and so is insecurity. The only way to face fear is to accept that although we may appear to be in control of our lives, we are not. It is our choice to either have faith that things will work out in the end, or to create a hell out of nothing. Without faith, even the strongest of us, will be pulled down into the world of doubts and helplessness. I don't care if you believe in God, or in the power of Universe, but so long as you believe that you are part of something larger than yourself, something more powerful , you won't be fearful.

Most of the unpleasant events in my life occurred when I least expected them and also happened when I was secure that life is wonderful. In many ways the only way to face fear is to face it straight in the eyes. Asking the question what is the worst that can happen really clarifies the picture. Also ask will the consequences of the event really matter in the end?

Letting your logical mind take control over your fear takes practice . In our quest for future, we forget that we have "now". We don't know what will happen the next minute, leave aside what will happen years from now. Only the present moment is the truth, only your breath is reality and practising this, teaching your brain to accept it is what finally leads to be fearless.

Does honesty really matter?

“All cruel people describe themselves as paragons of frankness.”
― Tennessee William

In a world full of  fake smiles, does honesty really matter? And is honesty the same as being truthful? There are two types of honesty - one is the clear and well defined one -not stealing, not being crook honest - that is the very basis of a still functioning world. The other is being honest in your thoughts and feelings. Saying what you  mean and meaning what you say type of honest. Being genuine, being frank- all supposedly virtues- which although makes life simple, is not practical. 

I have often prided myself on being outspoken, and being apparently honest. There have been more times than I dare to remember when my "honest" opinion has gotten me into trouble. In all these years, being honest and open was one thing I never doubted to be wrong. Maybe it is age, maybe it is part of growing up but I am finally learning to admit that honesty is not always the best policy. Facts are not truth, although they might be basis for truth. Nor are opinions -what I think honestly doesn't matter.Opinions are biased, they are your snapshot of a situation, so how can being honest help?

The only person we truly need to be brutally honest is with ourselves. The moment we start lying to ourselves, the moment we twist the truth or brush it with a layer of lies - we are in trouble. The problem is being to truthful to yourself is not only hurtful but needs introspection. Just like we sugarcoat words with others, we do so with ourselves too. Although many times it does feel unnecessary to look deep inside with magnifying glasses, in the long run, lying to ourselves results in running away from our fears and insecurities.

Honesty is a relative term - a very personal opinion. Screening information, selective truth is the way to sustain not only your sanity but also to maintain relationships.

Autumn

All the signs of Autumn are visible - the kids back in school, foggy mornings, shorter days and even the air smells different - a blend  of dried leaves mixed with pine cones. Autumn, not only proclaims the end of summer, but is like a pause before the seemingly long winter begins. Life recites a poetry through  the decaying leaves, and soon to be bare trees. Everyday, the leaves seem willingly ready to change colors and  be disowned by the tree that it nourished.  The blowing leaves, cheerfully and willingly nourishing the soil, still serves  the tree in its own way.

Early morning walks in the Fall, are always mysterious, with the mist and crunching leaves covering the ground Everything seems to be water painted - soft, blended and ethereal. Although the season is short, the changes are dramatic, days receding , crispier air, greens giving in to the last burst of color, and finally when they are shed trustingly dancing to the tunes of wind, being carried away to places unknown, to be mulched and transformed into something totally different.


 I am always surprised by the views that are revealed by the bare trees, all obscured by the thick foliage in summer. Hidden treasures of unseen views are revealed. Streams that you only could hear earlier can now be seen, just as the houses and their secrets hidden by the veil of leaves. Fall is more precious when you realize that the splash of vibrant  and dramatic colors won't be lasting for long. This short season is the prologue to the  long and gray winter ahead . It is a celebration, of the end of summer and the desperate nature holding on to the last blast of colors.

Live with it

One very important lesson that I have learnt in my life is that we all have our shortcomings, fears, our inadequacies. Some of us even live in constant pain- physical or emotional all the time. We are not perfect, we are not complete, but how we treat our weaknesses, how we adapt them in our day to day life, defines who we are. 

Some of our fears, some of our pains are not going anywhere, they are part of us. We have to live with it - or more precisely live around it. Living is not easy, maybe easier for some more than others, but we still it would be foolish to assume that the person who is giving you that confident smile, doesn't have its own little hell hidden in some corner of his brain. 

How you deal with your fears, with your shortcomings is the end who you end up being.  You have the choice to either wallow in self-pity and restrict your life - blaming it all on fate and your shortcomings, or you can take a detour and work around it. 

If you are afraid of the dark, light a lamp, if you are afraid of driving on the highway, take the internal lanes..... whatever restricts you , whatever pulls you down, you always have the choice to work around it. We all have our insecurities, even the strongest of us - even the most confident.What matters is whether you have the courage to face it and even if overcoming it seems insurmountable, can you work your way around it?  

We all have to live with our fears, pain and losses - and they will be mutate as life happens, old fears giving into new, but living with it, accepting it and working it in our day to day life, and ensuring that it doesn't hinder our growth, but enhances our character is what inpirational living is all about.

Quotes on Children

“Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.”
― Margaret Mead

“Children aren't coloring books. You don't get to fill them with your favorite colors.”
― Khaled Hosseini

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
― Phyllis Diller

“ You'll love your children far more than you ever loved your parents, and -- in the recognition that your own children cannot fathom the depth of your love -- you come to understand the tragic, unrequited love of your own parents.” 

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself... 
You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.” 
― Kahlil Gibran

“Children are knives, my mother once said. They don’t mean to, but they cut. And yet we cling to them, don’t we, we clasp them until the blood flows.” 

Empowerment

Nothing in the world is more powerful than our mind. It senses everything, it records every event, and in many ways controls our reactions. It can be perceived maybe as soft as clay, with delible writings of the past molding our thoughts, but also like clay, maybe it can again be erased to create something new. Most of us though treat our minds like a hard surface-with every incident recorded like a scratch - unerasable. 

Our reactions to the present situations are based on our past experiences. But we forget that doing so we are not experiencing the moment as it is - with fresh eyes.It is so easy for us to play victims, to succumb to the unfairness of life. There is something about being helpless, of blaming everything on destiny .  

I definitely believe in going with the flow - of not resisting the changes in my life. At the same time, I feel I am empowered  to react to the changes - I have the power to control what my mind can perceive. Nobody absolutely nobody can take away that away from me. You choose to be happy and if you feel a wave of sadness coming in - you wait either to surf the wave or to hold you breath till the wave passes over you.

We might not control our destiny always, but we definitely control how we react to it. At times we may need  floaters to prevent us from drowning, and at times we might not be strong enough to swim or float on our own, but at times like this we still have the power to ask for help. Drowning is easy, death is easy, it is the living that needs all our strength. Control the mind,tame the past, and soar the heights you are meant to reach.

Marriage and Friendship

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

All relationships are based on the principles of friendship - of being the mirror for each other. Life changes and making the choice to spend the rest of the life with one person not only requires lot of courage, but also a commitment to work hard on the relationship. 

How would you define a successful marriage?  Life changes, we change, we grow, and the challenges that we face as we grow older changes with time too. It is foolish on our part to expect marriage to be anything else than a partnership based on trust and love. As a couple, growing old together sometimes at different pace, facing different challenges through out the life - some together as a couple , some our own individual struggles, a marriage is the safety net that we count on to support us. Actually it is a net that we weave together tended by our love and trust. The stronger the base, the firmer the commitment, the longer and happier the marriage. 

It is impossible for two individuals in love, to not go through different phases of withdrawals, and commitments. Trust is the basis of any relationship and it is especially true for marriages. Everyday life can be monotonous and if not that, the challenges to survive can take toll on the best of couples. The secret is for each one of the spouse to take turns in tending the relationship. To be the strength, to be the truth mirror, to just be there always, is what relationship is all about.

A partner is your support, your pillar strength - with each taking turns in leaning in . A strong partnership results in each individual getting energised from the relation and reaching new heights.No marriage can survive, if it is preventing you to reach your potential. Being there for each other, being the strength, not the weakness of  each other is the basis for a successful marriage.

Battling demons

Every now and then we go through a low phase in life. Times when we feel less optimistic about the future, doubt the reason for our very existence and let the evil monster of self-doubt take control of our life. I personally feel doubts, and negative thoughts are manifestation of devil - leading to the path of destruction. The problem with negative thoughts are that they are more powerful that positive thoughts. They need no invitation, and sneak into your being when you are weak and down, low on strength. They are like the dark clouds, blocking the source of light, just hovering over you , and slowly draining you out of all the joys in life. I find that these monsters are stubborn and need all your efforts to tame, especially when you are already low on resources to fight them.

Loss of confidence, fear and distrust all go hand in hand. At times they find a way to seep into your very essence, making your heart so heavy that there seems to be no way to escape - just the helpless feeling to sink into - and drown. Just like when you are trapped in a quicksand, fighting without any help will only quicken the end. Grab a hand, grab on any twine of hope, any glimmer of self-love and slowly but surely there would be a way out of the mess.

Self-love is the first step towards positive thinking.To see life without any distortions, to see its beauty,  we need to  see it with eyes wide open, and in bright light. In the dark even the most beautiful things can appear to be scary. If the window to let in the light seems to be too tight to open, take help . Seeking help from someone you trust, is the second step. It is no easy to find beauty in living when your mind has been taken over by thoughts that are bent on destroying you.

Faith gives us the strength to lift ourselves out of the quicksand. Hang in there, let the wave of fear come and go, listen to your heart knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Reminding yourself that inspite of what the negative thoughts would have you believe, there is goodness in living, there is joy and nobody, nobody controls your mind. The fight is long , the battles might leave you weak in spirit, but fact remains that to build strength you have to keep on breaking and recreating.

Alone Time

For the  longest time, I considered myself to be an outgoing individual,relishing in human companionship, an extrovert. Yet as I am discovering myself, I am realizing that there are signs  that the opposite might just be true.I detest  large gatherings, can barely make it through a wedding, and hardly have any acquaintances- most of the people I interact with outside of work are close friends- some closer than others, but nevertheless, people I trust. I am not part of any group, have never been, no parties, no gatherings, am even vary of going to temple when it is crowded, yet enjoy social interactions. This confusing aspect was resolved when I realized that the people I interacted with were all those whom I trusted, a few close friends scattered all over the world.

We are of course a bundle of contradictions - contradictions essential to balance our lives and that was one of the reasons it took me a long time to accept that I am an introvert .
 Introverts are not always engrossed in books - though they would prefer that rather than dealing with meaningless social engagements, but they are people who shy from limelight, prefer to shine in their own light.

It is not easy for people to understand the need of an introvert to spend time in solitude. enjoy the company of  friends.The struggle to fit into the expectations of society, forcing myself to fit into a group (no groups - cultural or otherwise) conflicted with what I truly desired - company of people I could just be myself.

Any introvert will tell you that society is not so kind if you don't fit into what  is normal and extroversion is generally considered to be normal. Introverts are private, individualistic, a little eccentric maybe, and don't be fooled by the boisterous behavior, the masks are ready for every occasion to hide behind.

Harmony

What happens when the head starts ruling over the heart? Head is strong, logical, reasonable and deals in fact. There are some situations in life where if the head didn't rule over the heart, people would get hurt. Yet, at times, we need to take action without needing approval of the head. Brain is limited, but powerful, heart is limitless and powerless. When we let our love rule, we let the heart take over our logic, we let go of judgement. We turn into someone who is accepting, forgiving and kind.

Seeing a beggar on the street, logically, it would be appropriate to just ignore and walk away- after all logical rules that if you help him, you are encouraging him to beg. Yet, the heart questions, would I still be called human if I can just walk away without remorse seeing someone in such distress? 

The balance between using our brain and heart is delicate. We humans tend to focus more on intelligence than matters of heart, often forgetting that it is the heart that differentiates us from the robots. Encouraging people to be more empathetic, is possible only when we come out of our cocoon of self-importance. Only when we expand our ego to include others can we feel other people's pain. Empathizing is what keeps us real and connected to other human beings.

Let the heart rule over the brain , as long as it takes into account other people's pain and happiness. Selfish decisions callous of other people's feelings are just that - selfish. Decisions taken from heart are supposed to be inclusive of other people, because rash decisions leads to momentary happiness, which  often ends in  long term regrets and pain.

Making peace with your past.

A man cannot free himself from the past more easily than he can from his own body.  ~André Maurois

When you are surging ahead in life and  there is not time to look back, you simply assume that you have come so far away from your past that it no longer matters. Often in our quest to lead a better present and even happier future, we tend to underestimate the power of our past. All we read and hear these days makes me feel like the past is something that you just erase and replace it with the present. Yet how far is this actually from truth? 

Can we really move forward without making peace with our past? Is our past really something we leave behind, or is it so etched into our souls that it is actually a part of our present? After all aren't we made up of all all the bits and pieces of of our past events and reactions?

I personally feel, just like the flowing water, just like the river, we collect the sand, pebbles, some dirt, some leaves, some happy and some painful memories, along our journey. Some we leave behind, and some even though we would like forget, we carry with us till the end. Our past is a part of us - a part of who we are and we cannot negate it. All our mistakes, all the missed opportunities, all the regrets  are like the fragrance of perfume -you cannot see it,but sense it. It is foolish to assume that we can switch off our emotions and fears, just like that. All our reactions in present is based on what we experienced in the past . Yet we are more than what happens to us - we are more than what destiny has stored for us. We have the infinite 

Stop, and look back - stare fearlessly into the demons of your past- let the fears, let the pain and the regrets die a natural death. Until and unless we look back fearlessly and hush down the demons, we will always be running away from them, frightened and distrustful. Look back and see it for what it is - sad, abusive, painful, shed some tears, and grieve for the person you once were. And once when you have accepted that the past is not going anywhere, but you have tamed it and is under your leash to control how you want to , you will feel liberated and maybe even grateful for the unhappy events in your past.

Make peace, find closures, forgive and choose to bring the best memories forward along the journey, respect the pain and keep it leashed, for if you bury it, it will follow you around like a ghost - appearing when  you least expect it. 

Some more of Winnie......

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” 

“I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time.” 

“Some people care too much. I think it's called love.” 

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” 

 If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever - Winnie the Pooh

 If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear. - Winnie the Pooh

 Those who are clever, who have a Brain, never understand anything. - Winnie the Pooh

Time to heal

Everyday, we go out of our way to receive life, to live and embrace all the goodness. Every experience leaving a mark on our psyche, whether we like it or not. Over a period of time,all these cumulative experiences are what makes us to who we are. Each modifying our thinking, broadening our horizons and hopefully making us wiser.

All systems in this universe are created to inhale the goodness and exhale the bad. Our body is the same. Even when we eat the healthiest food, the body still processes it into nutrition and crap. Same with our thoughts.. All the thoughts, information, interactions that we openly welcome into our lives is processed by our brain into life enhancing and crap. We are so busy trying to imbibe the goodness,that we overlook to delete the junk , the toxic emotions collected over the time.

Each one of us take different time to heal. We all process events in our life with varied states of intensity.The problem is society expects us all to heal at a standardized time frame. A person who seemingly recovers faster than others is labelled as "Strong" and in our quest to emerge as a strong person, we sometimes pretend that we are healed, suppressing our real pain and surging ahead to next challenges in our lives.

Taking time to heal does not mean we are weak, it just means we are aware of our own threshold points. Letting others to pressurise us to believe that all is fine and to keep marching on is sometimes the only option available to us. Yet there comes a point in life, when even a seemingly minor incident sets a trigger for our breakdown.

Take time to heal, take time to cry, take time to brood. Smiling when you are hurting does not make you strong. It is convenient for people around you to think that you are fine... but smile when your heart tells you to, pretending only leads to disasters, if not today, maybe years from now.

Being In Love

Human nature has always fascinated me. The myriad of emotions, the intricate and delicate balance of our insecurities, doubts, love, our desires, our hopes, our disappointments and joys- all intermingled, and creating a new person everyday. Everyday we change, knowingly or unknowingly either into a better version of ourselves or someone that we hardly recognize. 

Life happens, things change, we go through turbulence, our lives upheaved by situations beyond our control. Everyday brings its own challenge, every new day, we learn to live and find joys and give a positive spin to our disappointments and sorrows.

Of all the emotions, the one that is most complex is when two people fall in love. Love as a generic term is beautiful and everything positive, yet when it casts its shadow in exclusive relationships, when there is an expectation of commitment, it invites jealousy, insecurities, anxiety, sleeplessness, and many other emotions that play  havoc on your heart.

Being in love is when the other person's well being becomes more important than your own. Their presence seeps into your soul and becomes an integral part of your well being, so much so that your happiness is dependent on their every nuance, every gesture, and their every word. Illogical, unreasonable, powerful yet powerless love, sublime when fulfilled and leading you to the depths of despair when unrequited. What is it about romantic love -that can create masterpieces, poetry and art and also cause wars and lead people to unjustifiable horrific crimes?

Deciphering the secrets of heart and understanding the way love works, seems like a task that will remain unresolved even as mankind progresses to cross the barriers in space.

Out of the box

I dread the word group- I dread being boxed up and defined. Look at human race, the moment we define ourselves as belonging to a nation, as belonging to a religion or a sect, we turn from human beings to something else. Belonging to a group can ignite  passions to give up the reason we live - to be alive, mass beliefs can raise us to be either a monsters with no sign of humanity, to kill with no remorse and to hate a race as a whole in the name of patriotism or religion.

Belonging requires you to be exclusive to a group, a community. Belonging mandates you to resign yourself to be defined, to be tagged. My refusal to let my identity be defined by language, religion or regionalism comes at a price of being isolated in the crowd. When you believe in something, you are simultaneously rejecting contradictory beliefs.

All my life, I have struggled to fit in. I am not sure if it is my own resistance to change, or my insistence at doing things my own way,but fitting in has always been a challenge for me. The appropriate word of course would be to belong .

It  is a challenge to be undefined, unlabelled,  and generic. It is of course a bigger challenge to not judge and label others.Intellectual, artsy, traditional, modern, whatever be the term, labels box you, close you up. The journey in trying to be everything, results in you being  nothing and the price one pays for it is of loneliness. As human beings we all have this innate desire to belong, to have at least that one person who understands our inner conflicts, who can look past our flaws and look into our soul.There are times when  the search to belong, to find that one soul who understands the torment leads me to be a people pleaser, a pseudo extrovert.

We are of course a bundle of contradictions, mutually exclusive desires fighting to find dominance. The need to belong in a constant battle with the need to be true to myself.

Second Adolescence

Everyday, as I grow older, the desire to break free, the desire to just be me grows stronger. With age, some of the knowledge does get translated into wisdom, wisdom that life is uncertain and is beautiful only if you are able to follow self-will. Life is too short to live others expectations,too short to fulfil other people's dreams . Living life on your own terms, with an open mind and open heart, boundless, borderless and limitless is what life is all about. Our childhood is spent in trying to fulfil the unspoken expectations or at times vocal desires of our parents. Like osmosis their dreams, their ambitions, their thoughts about the world and life, all seep into our characters, knowingly or unknowingly polluting our very essence.

20s are spent in trying to fulfil their dreams and the diktats of society -the norm, the rules, the ambition, and peer pressure. Life seems endless, life full of hopeless hopes, fearful fears and the insatiable desire to reach somewhere, to be someone, to achieve, to "become", holds us slave.

In our 30s, we are are so entrapped in the day to day living, the invisible but heavy responsibilities that keeps us slave, to maintain what we have become. 30s we live for others, kids, careers, trying to "settle down". Some of us  drown our very essence under the the pressures of life - the assault of have to's totally hijacking the joys of living. The invincibility cloak, meekly surrendering to the blows of disappointments and  failures, and if you are lucky revealing your true essence.

It takes around 4 decades, to confront our fears, to shed our inhibitions, and if we are lucky, to finally discover our own essence. It is at this age, that we truly start questioning the beliefs that were shoved down our throats about how society expected our lives to be. The years of responsibilities take their toll , and the need to break free and just be yourself takes precedence over what is considered right and what is wrong. The day we realize, it is "my life", my gift, and my journey , we set ourselves free from all the man made rules of "have to dos".

And thus begins the mid-life crisis, the period when we look back and realize that half of our lives was spent living someone else's dream, and as the body starts showing first signs of decay, the urgency to "live", to be yourself reaches a crescendo  leading at times to rebellious second adolescence.

Quotes by Lao Tzu

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” 

“Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know.” 

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” 

“Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time,' is like saying, 'I don't want to.”

“Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.” 

“He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.”


“Love is of all the passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart, and the senses.” 

“When goodness is lost there is morality.” 

“in the pursuit of knowledge: 
everyday something is added.
in the pursuit of enlightenment:
everyday something is dropped.” 

“Shape clay into a vessel;

It is the space within that makes it useful.

Cut doors and windows for a room;

It is the holes which make it useful.

Therefore benefit comes from what is there;

Usefulness from what is not there.” 

“Chanting is no more holy than listening to the murmur of a stream, counting prayer beads no more scared than simply breathing, religious robed no more spiritual than work clothes.” 

Quotes by Carl Sagan

“Every one of us is, in the cosmic perspective, precious. If a human disagrees with you, let him live. In a hundred billion galaxies, you will not find another.” 

“One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for 1,000 years. To read is to voyage through time.” 

“If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.” 

“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.” 

“The nuclear arms race is like two sworn enemies standing waist deep in gasoline, one with three matches, the other with five.” 

“We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think it is forever.” 

“You're an interesting species. An interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other.” 

“The cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff. We are a way for the universe to know itself.” 

“We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology.” 

Raising Boys

Raising boys comes with a price. Fortunately or unfortunately their idea of  clean house differs from mine to such an extent that it makes me wonder if we are talking about the same thing.  Although I love my kids to death, there are somethings that I wish they understood. Here is a list of the "I wish they understood"...

1. Dishes go into the sink not on counter at least till we manage to add a conveyor belt from kitchen counter to sink.
2. Garbage goes into garbage bins - not under the bed. No, there is no chute on the floor to suck it right into the bin.
3. Wrappers behind the couch, half eaten apple under it - it seems you guys seem to be mistaken as to where we live.
4. Hogging on the comfy chair, when an adult has no place to sit,  is not cool. Ignoring my subtle hints to get off the chair is definitely a recipe for trouble.
5. Lecturing parents on environmental responsibilities and yet taking half an hour shower is definitely not cool.
6. Dirty clothes go in the laundry basket, shoes on shoe rack and jackets on hangers - how can you forget/ignore simple instructions like these?
7. Aim well when using the toilet - and just to be clear your target is the toilet bowl.
8. Secret entries into the house are meant to be secret not shared with friends and getting them to climb into the house is an  absolute no no
9.Tantrums get you nowhere. Period. No where.
10. However good the food, someone has to do the dishes. However bad the food, someone has to still cook it.

One day maybe when I look I will miss all the mess, and all the unnecessary stress, but for now I do wish that all they do is follow the simple instructions and make life a little easier.
Maybe it is the easy going upbringing or just the fact that they are  boys, i

Frozen words

“A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended.” 
― Ian McEwan, Atonement

Do we ever say what we really want to say ? Why is it so hard for us to express our love, our anguish and other emotions? Is it because these are the very feelings that make us vulnerable to attacks. Instead of saying I love you, you end up saying take care and be good. Instead of saying that yes  I am hurting, we generally say  I am fine .

What is it about emotions common, normal and human, that we are forced to pretend to appear untouched by it? Meaningless words, worthless sorry, and superficial thank yous rule our conversation. Are we stopped by our ego or is it just our innate sense of survival knowing that it is easier to destroy the human spirit once we reveal our weaknesses?

Most of us find  it very hard to express ourselves spontaneously. Emotions,volcanic and ready to explode are tamed by the defensive mind into frigid missiles. Words never seem to justify the feelings, they either aggravate our anger or subdue our love.

I find it very puzzling, because as a reasonable person, in control of my life, there should be no reason to fear for expression of emotions. Yet somewhere deep in my subconscious I know that the more my heart is visible , the more it will be trampled upon. Our sense of self preservation prevents us from revealing our deepest fears, our intense love and often our brewing anger. I do wonder how it would be to live fearlessly, to live spontaneously and be a free bird...lighter and more secure and soaring high .

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Rubbing my eyes, trying to get back into the world of reality I sit down with a cup of tea in hand. With the school off for the summer, my house resembles more like a hostel with no rules. I scan the living room, realizing how the inanimate things have a story to tell of the day that went by. There are the Playstation controllers just inviting someone to  trip over them, glasses - on side tables, next to the couch, half a packet of chips, laptops, a couple of wrappers of band-aid, and of course empty bottles of juice tells an untold story about the evening spent among friends. The band-aid wrappers made me wonder what happened at night - but I had to let go of worry - the boys can manage well now .

The  mess, the tell-tale marks of teens having a fun-filled evening reminded me of the signs of my aging body , the burn scars reminding me of the happy meals. the laugh lines of happy times, and each gray hair has a story of its own .  I am fascinated by stories and nothing tells a story more than old objects - antiques, old houses. Each object imbibing  traces of the previous owners, subtly embedding every emotion, every drama in their life.  Every inanimate object, every room, every nook and corner coming to life with history, talking to you, if you care to listen. Some showing signs of care, some sheer neglect and some well-used. But talk they all do.

As my couch grows older, with rips, with sunken pillows, stains maybe, each a tell-tale mark of presence of life. Every corner of my house screams of get a repair, get an update, refresh, yet a part of me feels close to the fingerprints on the wall , the rising marks on the wall indicating the growing heights of kids, every broken door a story of kids out of control, every creaking chair of times well spent.

One day, the house will need an update, one day make my body will get a refreshing change, one day maybe .. but for now I am happy to just relive the happy memories, happy to see the inanimate objects breathing and living and my face proclaiming loud and clear of life well-lived.

Quotes by Scott Fitzgerald

“It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.” 

“Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.” 

“Things are sweeter when they're lost. I know--because once I wanted something and got it. It was the only thing I ever wanted badly, Dot, and when I got it it turned to dust in my hand.” 

“That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”

“There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.” 

“At eighteen our convictions are hills from which we look; at forty-five they are caves in which we hide.” 

“You know, you’re a little complicated after all.” 
“Oh no,” she assured him hastily. “No, I’m not really - I’m just a - I’m just a whole lot of different simple people.” 

“Grown up, and that is a terribly hard thing to do. It is much easier to skip it and go from one childhood to another.” 

Either you think--or else others have to think for you and take power from you, pervert and discipline your natural tastes, civilize and sterilize you.

It is in the thirties that we want friends. In the forties we know they won't save us any more than love did.