Frozen words

“A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended.” 
― Ian McEwan, Atonement

Do we ever say what we really want to say ? Why is it so hard for us to express our love, our anguish and other emotions? Is it because these are the very feelings that make us vulnerable to attacks. Instead of saying I love you, you end up saying take care and be good. Instead of saying that yes  I am hurting, we generally say  I am fine .

What is it about emotions common, normal and human, that we are forced to pretend to appear untouched by it? Meaningless words, worthless sorry, and superficial thank yous rule our conversation. Are we stopped by our ego or is it just our innate sense of survival knowing that it is easier to destroy the human spirit once we reveal our weaknesses?

Most of us find  it very hard to express ourselves spontaneously. Emotions,volcanic and ready to explode are tamed by the defensive mind into frigid missiles. Words never seem to justify the feelings, they either aggravate our anger or subdue our love.

I find it very puzzling, because as a reasonable person, in control of my life, there should be no reason to fear for expression of emotions. Yet somewhere deep in my subconscious I know that the more my heart is visible , the more it will be trampled upon. Our sense of self preservation prevents us from revealing our deepest fears, our intense love and often our brewing anger. I do wonder how it would be to live fearlessly, to live spontaneously and be a free bird...lighter and more secure and soaring high .