Finding joy in work

Half of our life is spent in studying and working - in fact most of our waking hours are scheduled around our means to make a living. For some the word Work conjures up the image of something that pays our bills and maybe if we are  lucky our vacation. For others their careers/jobs are  more than just one aspect of their life - it consumes them to define who they are. Without their "title", without their job they are lost - their whole identity is based on what they do for a living.
Our childhood, our schooling, our learning in youth is all meant to train us to make a comfortable living and contribute to the society we live in, in our own small ways. We grow up to be adults with dreams, dreams of achieving, dreams of financial freedom and maybe achieving excellence in our field of interest.
Yet most of us end up stuck in jobs and careers that become a necessity, prisoners of either our own need to gratify our egos, or chained up by our fear of making inadequate living. When we look at nature, every living creature works for survival - but the difference between them and us is that they work for food, for building , save for shelter if needed without any resentment, without any greed. A bird collects enough seeds to survive, builds one nest to live in, that is it, unlike us humans who  are greedy to the core. Work is as natural to them as play, as natural as sleep.

Understanding the reason as to why we need to work - money, creative satisfaction, just adding meaning to your life, status or just because you were taught to believe that without achieving a certain title your identity would be incomplete, helps in making the right career choices. Money is the byproduct of work for some, for others that is the only reason to work. Whatever be the reason for your work, keep it in perspective, and you won't resent it. Spending half of your waking life in resentment will only lead to an embittered you. We all cannot find jobs that we love, yet we all can love what we do, if not for any other reason than the fact that it pays your bills. And if paying the bills is not even a criteria, take a chance, for whether we like it or not,a huge chunk of our life is spent in not just our jobs but also the people with work with.jobs and the people we work with .Keeping the right perspective in your life - the reasons makes it easier for us to make decisions.
We are more inclined to take decisions that are add meaning to our life, when we are not imprisoned by our fears. In the end we do what we have to do, but doing it with joy in our heart, will make half of our  life more meaningful.

The key to happiness

As a dynamic living organism living in a throbbing and ever changing environment, our moods, our happiness and sorrows are all  dependent on so many different factors. To assume that we should be unaffected by all the negative or positive happenings around us, is not only impossible but would make us to a certain extent inhuman. If we didn't experience sorrow, we would never be able to empathize with others.

So how would you define happiness? Is it when the list of things you are grateful for is way longer than the list of complains? Or is it when you are just at peace - not content, but just accepting your present situation the way it is without tagging it with any names? Or is it just living in the now - which takes years of serious practice to achieve?

Interacting with so many people from all walks of life, I have observed certain qualities that most "happy " people share. These are the people who radiate joy just by their mere presence.The traits they all share  are  gratitude, love and sharing unconditionally. Take out gratitude and all you are left is a list of complains, list of "have not's" and disappointments, brewing resentment and bitterness.Gratitude is being aware every minute of your day that life is a gift, that every breath we take is borrowed and that the joys in the world outnumber the sorrows. Every sunrise, every sunset, every hug, every smile is a gift and graciously accepting them, and thanking them is the only way to warm our hearts. After all, what is "being positive" if not being grateful?

The more you practice gratitude, the more you are aware of abundance overflowing in your life.Abundance that you will joyously  share with others, because when you love your life, when you are conscious of all the gifts surrounding you, all you would want is to share it others. You will be more receptive to other people's pain, more accepting of  their joys.

There can be no unconditional giving, no loving without practicing gratitude.

The Gates of Paradise - a zen parable

  

Zen parables are always inspiring.Some not easy to understand,most commanding you to contemplate to reveal the truth behind the parable. This is again one of my favourite parable,read and interprete it the way you w


A soldier named Nobushige came to Hakuin, and asked: "Is there really a paradise and a hell?"
"Who are you?" inquired Hakuin.
"I am a samurai," the warrior replied.
"You, a soldier!" exclaimed Hakuin. "What kind of ruler would have you as his guard? Your face looks like that of a beggar."
Nobushige became so angry that he began to draw his sword, but Hakuin continued: "So you have a sword! Your weapon is probably much too dull to cut off my head."
As Nobushige drew his sword Hakuin remarked: "Here open the gates of hell!"
At these words the samurai, perceiving the master's discipline, sheathed his sword and bowed.
"Here open the gates of paradise," said Hakuin.

Remedies for the Soul

Our body and mind are incredibly self-sufficient. We are blessed with every possible option  to mend our hearts and our souls and if we are lucky our minds too. Our body has its own ways of dealing with stress and although some may seem weird, they do work. The remedies are many , but the ones that work the best for me are as follows.

Sigh- a deep sigh to lighten our heart. There are times when sighs are so deep that you literally feel lighter with every deep breathe you take. It is your body's way of responding  of letting go of all that is troubling your mind.
Tears: A good cry, crying till you  can cry no more, a remedy to lighten your heart and soul. unfortunately this remedy is much maligned and in our sexist world, this wonderful remedy is limited to women. But nothing cleanses your heart and soul more than a good cry. Tears are as important as laughter, and although we are taught not to cry, to hold back, a good cry, I believe makes you stronger and more equipped to march on, to wash away all that is disturbing you.
Laughter:Nothing detoxifies your mind  more than a laughter - laughing till your stomach aches, and tears roll down your cheeks. A good laughter, one just like a good cry, is hard to control. Laughing hard, laughing genuinely, laughing till your body says it's enough I can't take it anymore, is the best remedy for your mind and body. And if you ever find the source that triggers that laughter, hold on to it for it is a precious treasure to be cherished. It can be a book, a person, a movie, whatever suits your sensibility, just hold on to it tightly.
Communicate : This is my favorite- sharing your burdens, sharing your worries and fears  and being consoled by a human touch leaves me renewed to take on life. When I say talk, it is again not the ones we have everyday, this is the bare your soul talk, sharing your most dreaded fears, your wildest dreams and just venting away without a second thought about whether the words are appropriate or not. Talk, write or simply sing along with an old song believing the words to be your own, they all help.
Sleep : Sleep, a good sound sleep is all sometimes that is needed to get your mind and body back in order. It seems to work well for some, while for others it elusive.

And then there are times when the mind is just not able to recharge on its own and that's when you resort to the last remedy  prayers - to surrender, to just believe that the soul will find its own peace.

Fear

Fears, our innate fear , our insecurities all guide our decisions in life. Most of the time we are not even aware that we are guided by our fears in making decisions.Nothing can be more emancipating than freedom from fear. The crippling, stunting emotion that is devil in action, Fear of loss, loss of someone close, of life, of self-esteem, of trust, of our comfort zone. 

Everyday, the bravest of us,stare straight in the eyes of fear and go on with our lives with head straight up. Others just pretend to shut their eyes and pretend that the looming cloud just doesn't exist. And without even acknowledging the presence of fear, how can we even expect to tackle it? 

Most of our fears are irrational other than the fear of non existence. I believe fear of death is rational to a certain extent - death symbolizing the end - and to be aware that we are not in control of when and how our presence on earth will end, can be intimidating for the most of us and more so for people who believe they control their destiny. Our decisions to participate in risky adventures, trying to defy the presence of  death, is just a way to dare it.  

Fear of commitment, fear of rejection , of  being ridiculed, fear of being betrayed all cast their shadow on how we relate to others, creating suspicions, mistrusts and unnecessary complications. Take out fear from the equation of relationships and we are ready to live life fully. Faith, the unrealistic hope in the good turn of events is the perfect antidote to fear. Faith in something larger than us, faith in our own power , brings an acceptance that most of our fears are based on our own insecurities.

Resisting change, resisting growing up, are again part of our own defense mechanism to deal with that nagging doubt that makes us weak.

Missing ......

The layered emotions of love, hatred, anger, passion, sorrow and laughter  trigger a response in us which can be be clearly defined as positive or negative.And then the emotion that I find most intriguing is the feeling of missing someone or some place. The deprivation of someone's company, the presence of absence so strong that it is pulsating and numbing at the same time.
The longing , the pining, a feeling so powerful, that it consumes your very existence. We all have lost people, been separated from our loved ones at one point or another. And all of us have experienced the endless pull of trying to fill the void in our life.
Missing, the empty space in your heart - the lacuna that nobody can fill for you. Missing someone is like trying to capture the tantalizing breeze in your hand. It is wanting  to touch, to hug, to have endless conversation, to share your everyday trials and triumphs, wanting to reach out for the unreachable.

It is a pain - a bitter sweet pain especially if someone you are missing is  gone forever. All you are left with are the memories like the whiff of perfume - intangible, sometimes vivid, sometimes blurred. Does the pain or loss ever heal? I am not sure, but the intensity does vary from time to time. Just when you think you are doing fine, and are in control, surrounded by all that you love, the feeling of longing for someone long gone creeps and grips your heart, squeezing it so tight at times that it makes it difficult to breathe. A song, a place revisited, a fragrance or just the mention can trigger off the chain of emotions, that brings out all the buried memories back to life.

Missing is intriguing because you are bringing back your memories to life, embellishing it, coloring it with your own imagination. You have the luxury of ruminating on them, to taste the times long back. It is also a reminder of what you had, a reminder that not everything lasts for ever.

Fear and decision making

Everyday we have a choice - to be proactively involved in making our own decisions or to just complain and suffer.Even in the most hopeless situations, situations that are  beyond redemption, we have the power of choosing - choosing our attitude.  You choose to be happy, you choose to search for the silver lining in the sky and you choose to have faith in universe.

Decision making, choosing proactively takes courage. You are the one who is going to be responsible for the consequences. Some decisions are forced on us, and then there are some we have the luxury of choosing. I am not too fond of choices , the pros and cons, the price  tag for every decision you make, you are not just selecting something, you are at the same time rejecting something too.
 Many times we procrastinate because of our fear of leaving our comfort zone.The false sense of security that comes with familiar surroundings and routine leads us to let time make its own decisions or others to  make decision for us. Decision making demands responsibility, it commands us to make commitment, to rise above our fears.Fears, our innate fears , our insecurities all guide our decisions in life. Most of the time we are not even aware that we are guided by our fears in making decisions.Nothing can be more emancipating than freedom from fear. The crippling, stunting emotion that is devil in action, Fear of loss, loss of someone close, of life, of self-esteem, fear of being inadequate.

The moment we include something in our life with our decision , we are automatically excluding something from our lives. Choosing is not just accepting something, it iis also rejecting something at the same time. If I am choosing a healthy life style, I am rejecting junk food. If I am choosing to be spend more time in reaching my goals at work, I am rejecting time spent with my family. Decision making gets more complicated and it helps to know the roots, the basis of our decision to feel assured that our choices are what we really want, not what we are choosing because of our fears.

Success and Failure

A year of writing, a year of changes, unexpected positive changes. A year of internal change, change in attitude, a year of trying to evolve into being my own person. If you get pieces of rags, you can either quilt it together to make a beautiful blanket,  or cry your heart out about how unfair  destiny has been to you. The perception that something is good or bad is all in the head. It is up to us to make the best of a situation, to learn from our mistakes, to grow into better human beings.Failure is when you let bitterness seep into  the cracks of pain. Setbacks are part of life, testing our faith in ourselves and universe.

Successes gives us hope, joy and the will to live. Failures teach us humility and reminds us the how fickle life is. Without experiencing setbacks,failures or pain, we can never learn to empathize with other people. We cannot connect to other people. It is our choice what to make of our pain, suffer and delve into self-pity, or to rise above it and soar higher to get a better perspective of life. Every time we fail and rise we emerge stronger and more confident. 

When things are going good, we take them for granted. Change is never subtle, and most changes are not controlled by your desires no matter what people tell you. We generally expect things to go according to our plans, we plan ,we dream, but in our quest for a future we deem to be better, we forget all the treasures in the present moment. 

One thing I have learnt in these past few years is that never take anything for granted. Be grateful for all the blessings in your life, every little joy, because like bad times, good times don't last forever. I have learnt to remind myself everyday, that today was a good day - thank you for it , but tomorrow is another day and whatever it holds for me, it is going to change too. So although I am going to enjoy and savor every minute of my happy times, I am very much aware and prepared for whatever the future might hold for me, reminding myself each d that time is fickle and this too will change.

Defining Love

How can we describe an emotion so vast and encompassing? An emotion that is  the very basis of our existence and survival? Is love all that is positive and good, or is it something more intense? One word and so many shades - it is practically the white light hiding all the colors of the world of emotion. fall in love, fall out of love, we love someone, we love things and activities - yet all these shades have different implications.

So is love just magnanimous giving without any expectations or is it more? Is it just fleeting, is it selfish or is it sacrificing? Is it when you care for someone more than you  or is it when someone just becomes an integral part of you?

Honestly, I am still trying to figure it out - yet all I can be sure of it is a positive feeling - a feeling where you want to give, to care. It is when someone else's well being becomes more important than yours, when you  find that a smile on the people you become a mirror to their joys and sorrows.

Like everything else in this world, loving from heart is also vulnerable to change and time. Yet when you love someone with your soul - would it change too? Love can erode, can deplete or grow and evolve depending on how you nurture  it. You have  to constantly water it, nourtish and , protect it against the negative forces of life. 

Moral Compass

Judging eyes, boxing you into good or bad, moral or immoral  follow you everywhere. Eyes reprimanding you for smoking, for the way you dress, for drinking , or for just being promiscuous. Moral policing, drawing lines on what is permissible, what is not are everywhere. Whether we like it or not we generally tend to box people into what is acceptable or unacceptable within our moral compass.

Coming from a country that takes pride in its "high moral values ", I have to admit it took me a long time to unlearn all that I was taught was right and wrong. Rarely do our moral values stem from our own realities, most of the time it is shoved down on us by society or religion.

Morality for me, is not hurting anybody else on purpose.

 The perception that the line drawn is solid is a fallacy. It is blurred, it is permissive, because evil and good are all part of us, within us. .Morality is such a grey area, changing with times, with cultures ,with personal beliefs. What is wrong and what is right, although described well in all the religious texts, analyzed and presented, still leave room for improvement.I refuse to feel bond by the pressures of being morally right.Vegetarians judging meat eaters, believers judging atheists, straights judging gays, where does it stop? Isn't judging someone the worst sin that you could commit?

What is acceptable in one society is frowned down in another. What used to be punishable by death in one century is embraced in the next. With so much room for doubt, how do we decide that we are in the right ? What is the universal criteria, the timeless rules for ensuring that the decisions we take are contained. 

Judging others based on  our set of rules is unfair. What is good and what is bad is sometimes not as simple as it sounds, yet fundamentally anything that helps another living creature cannot be bad, provided it is not for your own gains.

Religious bindings, bindings set by society all regulate our day to day life. I am amazed at times how restrictive the society  can be in imposing beliefs and moral values that are so time bound and local. Restrictions that are not logical , does not improve you as human being, yet we all blindly follow them.

Live with your conscience wide awake, ask questions - lots - and follow what feels right to your heart and makes sense to you. Life is too short .

Bring on the blinkers

With summer fast approaching, I am bracing myself to a full house, a messy house. Door bells incessantly ringing, footsteps thudding, doors banging and of course, shoes trying to walk all over the house, skateboards and hockey sticks acting as perfect barricades at the doorway, football practices and the constant bickering about who did the most chores.

This year instead of trying to get the house and my life in order, I plan to just sit back and wait for the storm called summer to pass through.Hopefully keeping my head ducked, eyes closed and taking deep breaths will help me survive.

This year I promise, not to let the disarrayed clothes strewn all over my house get on my nerves, nor the pile up of dirty dishes break my resolve to keep my calm. Air fresheners are ready to pacify my nose - anybody with boys in house knows how similar to a public washroom your house smells after a bunch of teens and preteens use it.

This year I intend to just sit back and take it easy - put on my blinkers, plug in my ears to shut out the din, and hopefully survive the onslaught of the chaos about to begin. My intentions are honorable but my resolution, only time will tell if I give in to my primal need of having a habitable home or stick to the resolution of just letting it go

Sharing and bonding

I feel so blessed to be always surrounded by incredible people. Some people are lucky in material gains, some are blessed with easy life, I personally feel that I am blessed with being touched by lovely and inspiring people all my life. Friends, virtual friends, neighbors, colleagues, customers, family - all always bring back the realization that people are what ultimately matters. Stories of ressilence, stories of hope, stories of dreaming big, all inspiring in their own ways and all strengthening my belief that we all are connected.

I am also learning that although happiness is the common goal, the source of happiness is different for all. Some seek it through wealth, some through relations, and others through their careers, but most of us would rather have it all. Respecting others source of happiness is a big part in accepting them. Believing our way is the only way to seek fulfillment is a common fallacy. I might find peace in nature, someone else might in temples and others in charity and volunteering, yet we all are connected.

 Our sorrows, our happiness, our successes, our failures are what join us together. We share same aspirations, strive for happiness, shun suffering and whatever be our differences, we still belong to each other.

Every person who touches your life, to stay for life, or to just visit you for a while, is there for a reason. Every laughter you share, every time you let someone see your pain, you  bond for life. Sharing is what joins us together. Take away sharing, and we are left with nothing.
Often we take all that we have in our lives for granted, until one day it is gone and lost forever. Losing someone or something makes you realize the enormity of the loss.

A touch to remember

A hug, a kiss, a warm handshake, a touch. Amongst all our sensory organs, the skin is the most sensitive. Feel the warmth  of sun on your skin, feel the raindrops, hold the melting snowflake, or stroke the fur of a snuggling cat. Hold the tiny finger of a baby, feel the drool on your skin, feel the breeze grazing your hair, or the grass on your feet.  Touch the soft petals of  rose, hold the blade of grass in your hands, run your fingers trying to hold the flowing water in your hands, or feel the velvety softness of moss under your feet. Walk on the rocks, feel their smoothness, warm and easy, feel  the poking pebbles, trying to fit between your toes, feel the dust and wild flowers.

Hold a kitten in your arms, purring softly, feel the hot cup of coffee in your hands, touch smoothness of apple in your hand, or the grooves in the strawberry. We cover our feet, we cover our skin, we live in our personal bubbles, protected.

We are living so much in the land of virtual reality, that at times, I feel that the only memory we would have of touch is the touch of keyboard.Touch the ultimate expression of love and hatred. Nothing tells a person he is loved more than a hug and a kiss. Simple holding of  hands can comfort someone in grief more than words, a crying baby can be comforted by holding it close or what I really remember , my mom 's hands stroking my head beckoning me to sleep. 

Memories associated with touch are stronger than words. A single touch can communicate more than a thousand words. So hold your child close, hug them, swing them , walk without shoes on the grass and roll down your car windows to feel the breeze.Get soaked in the rain  once in a while, pick up.  some wild flowers on the way. Life is too short to live just in one dimensional world. Experience it with all your senses tuned in- and you will live it fully.

Finding peace in nature

Singing birds, screeching birds, chirping birds, all music to ears, all speaking the language of harmony. Each distinctive sounding, each different different,  yet each secure in its place, each glorying its own song, each singing to its hearts content. Walking down the dyke, the feeling of oneness, the feeling of connecting with the very core of our existence can be a very exhilarating experience.

The lake, the mountains, the lush green trees, the beautiful tall grasses swaying to the wind -all a part of me. We often consider nature to be something outside of us, different than us. Yet come to think of it , we are just a component of it albeit a selfish and most destructive one. If there is God, he really did fail in wiring us in allowing us to believe that it was all created for our joy.

We are part of it, we are part of the mountains, water, the trees,the birds and maybe that is the reason it feels like being home when you are out amongst them.  The biggest flaw of human beings is that we are greedy  and insecure. We have lost our instinct to survive on our own and our insecurity is translated in our urge to hoard - save for the future, not just ours but the next generation too.

Think about it - if like the birds and the other elements of nature , we had faith, if we really believed that our creator would be our sustainer too, why would we be concerned about our future? Just because we consider ourselves separate from all the other elements on the planet, we don't believe that the laws of nature apply to us.

The day we consider the planet is not ours to own, but like the other creatures, we are a part of it, that the laws of nature applies to us just like it does to other animals and plants - the change, the growth and the ultimate decay, we are at peace with ourselves.

Stress and Relaxation

Stress and Relaxation

‎"It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy that makes happiness."
- Charles Sprugeon

Stress - some real and beyond our control and some self-created. Physical and mental - leading us all towards the breaking point. Honestly how else can we define stress, a word that even my 12 year old son uses when he is worried about completing his homework. 

Times change, we change and our needs change and so should our priorities in life. Yet being creatures of habit, we fail to look into and evaluate our life decisions, fearful of leaving our comfort zone. Every now and then we need to look into the reasons that initiated our decision. 

Stress is a result of the imbalance in our lives. In modern times, most of us take on more than we can chew. Just surviving, making ends meet, and getting the household running in a smooth order requires all your energy and more. 

Some stress are beyond our control , we do what we have to do , even if it takes toll on our body and mind. Yet, it is in our hands how to cope with the stress. Physical stress requires rest -  it is the mental pressure that gets us. Our insistence in taking on more than we can handle, wanting to cram in as much as we can in our limited time, and of course worrying about the outcomes, all drive us towards the brink of breakdown. There is no rule book for handling stress - we all handle it differently. Having a very low stress level, I find the following tips keep me grounded to reality and help in making my life decisions.

Streamline your life by simplifying your life. Take stock of your present day to day living and eliminate all the activities that don't add value to your life. Throwout the fluff, the superfluous, and hang on to the basics. Every activity in our life can be simplified. 

Perfection is a myth : We are obsessed to having a perfect life - clean and neat house, kids in sports, music, well paid jobs, nice cars and big houses with manicured lawns and perfect vacation in exotic locales. But think about it, is this what you want or what you were taught to believe is the ideal life?

Learning to Relax : Some people relax watching T.V., zoning out, others reading books. And still others by going for a run or a walk. Whatever be the case, we all need to find an activity that unwinds us - everyday. Cleansing your mind everyday of the toxic waste of the day is as essential as breathing, yet we tend to leave it all for the weekend.

Slow down :  Life is short for sure, but you don't need to cram your day with activities to lead a full life.  Leave some space to just breathe, to just sit back and feel life flow by. We live under the fallacy that we have to go places to enjoy life - life is in the moment - in the now.

Don't over think : This is one advice I give myself everyday. Sometimes it is just better to dive in straight. So long as you know the reason for the action or the decision you are taking, so long as it matches with your present goals in life, it should be fine. There are no guarantees in life, in fact there is no guarantee or warranty period in life- so go for it.

One step at a time

1. One day at a time, one step at a time, one breath at a time. Each time you are tempted to link the present situation with future or past, stop and rethink for you are just distorting the situation.
2. What is the worst that can happen? And if you think of it , all your present day problems will seem miniscule in comparison.
3. Find your balance- life is all about finding the right balance and each person has its own unique equilibrium.
4. Stoicism helps at times, and definitely works better than fretting over small matters. Accept it for what the situation is. At times it is better for you to blame it on circumstances, makes living easier.
5. Be good, do good and you will sleep well at night. A clear conscience is definitely a perfect soul cleanser.
6. Everything in nature resolves itself and applying this faith in your day to day life definitely helps.
7. Let go, we can only control our actions, not other people's reactions.
8. Laugh, smile, spread some kindness and the positive feeling will stick to you. Ponder too long  on negative incidents and it will engulf you too.
9.Cry - a good cry like good laughter, unburdens your heart.
10. Be grateful - without gratitude there is no happiness. The more you are thankful for the abundance in your life, the more content you will be. Choose to stay in the happy place, and be quick to let go of negative experiences.

Masks and Shields

Masks and more masks. We all live a life of pretense to a certain extent - even the most down to earth or honest person. That is one trait differentiates us from children. Maybe it is part of growing, maybe it is because we are social animals with interactions at so many different levels, that it would be impossible for the system to survive without the niceties.

Exposing our real self is exposing our weaknesses making us vulnerable to hurts and disappointments. Yet, if are always fearful about rejections, disappointments and getting hurt, how will be live to the fullest? To experience life, we have to take the risks, the risks of being ridiculed, of letting down the shield.

I am not sure if we can let go of our defenses completely, but we can definitely try and discover our real selves. Come to think of it, we live in our own personal bubbles, totally indifferent to to other people. Mere images, mere distorted images.

Shedding your defenses either can get you hurt, or it can invite more love, more warmth in y our life. Our life and our personalities are a mosaic of our experiences, and the more we hide the beauty of it, the more we live in our own personal bubble, isolated and indifferent to other people.  Be open, be open to love, to hurt, experience all that there is - cry - cry your heart out, laugh till tears fall down your cheeks and know yourself and don't be afraid to have your heart broken. Disappointments and setbacks, betrayals and sorrow all make us more kind and human, if we understand that each one us has experienced it at some point or other in our lives. Living your life to the fullest is being true to your own self and not being afraid to be who you are and show it to the world.

Quotes on courage

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

 

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”  

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.” 

“Courage is grace under pressure.

 

 “Keep in mind that many people have died for their beliefs; it's actually quite common. The real courage is in living and suffering for what you believe.” 

 

“A man with outward courage dares to die; a man with inner courage dares to live.” 

  “To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”

Quotes by Anais Nin

“How wrong is it for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself?”

“People living deeply have no fear of death.”

“Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.”

“You cannot save people. You can only love them.”

“When others asked the truth of me, I was convinced it was not the truth they wanted, but an illusion they could bear to live with.”

Zen parable

Every moment we have the choice to either just let the moment slip by in the hope of something better, or to just live fully in it. We decide to make the moment a memory by  being present in it. It is our choice to dance in the rain, or wait for the sun to shine. Whatever be the case, our attitude and response defines our memories.

I am sharing one of my favorite zen parable. Finding joys in unexpected places, discovering pleasures in our daily life is what leads us to experience a full life. Enjoy the parable and grab and savor the strawberries in your life.


One day while walking through the wilderness a man stumbled upon a vicious tiger. He ran but soon came to the edge of a high cliff. Desperate to save himself, he climbed down a vine and dangled over the fatal precipice.
As he hung there, two mice appeared from a hole in the cliff and began gnawing on the vine.
Suddenly, he noticed on the vine a plump wild strawberry. He plucked it and popped it in his mouth. It was incredibly delicious!

Acceptance -the first step

Every now and then we have to take stock of our lives. Redefine our goals, and navigate our lives in the direction we intended to travel. It is so easy to just get involved in the day to day matters, just flow with the times, that often it is too late before we realize that we are far away from where we wanted to go. I know we all are heading towards our final destination, but at least we get to choose the road and journey. Life is beautiful, life flows through our veins, resounds through our heartbeats, we are life.

Living is an art , some are talented and instinctively know how lead a full life, while others  like me are life long students trying to unwrap this gift of life. Living is not just having fun, not just being happy all the time, I am not sure it is even possible. Life is full of contradictions. Look everywhere around you, nature is full of contradictions.

Till a  year ago, when I first realized that the grey hair were here to stay and grow old with me, I really didn't know how to deal with these visible signs of aging. I never considered myself a narscistic, but the resentment against the decaying body - the deteriorating eye sight and the less than attractive sagging skin made me realize I am not immune to the less than flattering image.Funny how our body grows older, but our essence remains the same.

I have realized learning to  accept myself for who I am, is the first step to growing up. My intrinsic traits are never going to change. I can be more conscious about my flaws, consciously steer my thoughts away, but to expect that growing up would change me into a person that I perceived to be better is foolishness.

I am full of self- doubts, pessimistic maybe to a certain extent, serious and boring, and although I would love to turn myself into a positive, confident woman and wear suitable masks appropriate for the moment, I know that my basic nature will always remain the same, toned down maybe, but still the same.

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Recipe for living

We are all heading in the same direction - sooner or later. Modern technology is supposed to improve the quality of our lives by making our lives more efficient and freeing our time. Yet when we look around us, it is all rush - all stress. All you hear from people is that they are busy and don't have time. We are sleep deprived, eat on the go, and are stressed in our lives. Lack of time, of being busy in many ways proclaims that you have arrived, that you are too important.

My only question is why? Why has being insanely busy become a norm ? Why do we encourage people to always be on the go and be numb to our surroundings?Ultimately , life is unpredictable, death is certain and that is the truth. Nothing and no one can deny this fact. Yet, here we are loading ourselves  with stress about things that don't matter in the end. What if I am unable to pay my mortgage off? Nothing, I am definitely not taking my house with me to my grave and neither am I taking the car or the electronic gadgets.

Life is a precious gift, experience it. Gather moments and collect memories. Be aware of now, experience it,  filter the good memories from bad, and live. Everyday I ask myself what would I be doing differently if I were to die tomorrow? And the answer is the same - what I am doing right now. I would still be taking care of my kids, still be working and still be reaching out to the people I love. There are of course times when I do tend to swirled into the vortex of worrying about future, but I have learned to drag myself out of it. As much as I would love to travel, as  much as I would love to explore new avenues, I am happy where I am. I am happy NOW.

I truly believe that is the key to living - being happy now. The desires will always be there, and they should too - after all they fuel your dreams. And what is life without dreams? Yet, in spite of it all, whenever we postpone our happiness, whenever we fail to be grateful for our blessings, we are just existing.

Happiness is not smiling or laughing all the time. We are assorted package of mixed emotions and all these emotions complete us. Anger, sadness, fear, love all of them. For me happiness is when I am content with not just what I have, but with who I am. Accept  your problems like challenges, make time for reflecting, share your passion for living, spread a smile or better still instigate a laughter, and you have the perfect recipe for living.

Respect and Trust

Respect and trust are the two pillars on which all relationships stand on.  You don't have to understand, nor empathize, just learn to accept. As a parent it is so easy for me to project my unfulfilled desires and ambitions on my children and equally hard to recognize that they are not an extension of my ambition or my desires. I can guide them in recognizing their strengths and flaws, advice them on how the world works, but in the end, it is their journey. My job is to just make them strong enough and provide the safety net,giving them the confidence  to trapeze through the uncertainties of life.

Respect is not just admiration or just words, it is giving space, it is about accepting that they are different from us and valuing the difference. Respecting is accepting their life decisions even though you might fail to understand or empathize with it. Respecting someone is valuing their existence and  treating them with dignity.  There are many ways to put a person down other than just words, but when you respect your relation or the person, you go out of the way to ensure they revel in their existence. Unlike love, respect you have to gain - gain by giving. I know many people, I might dislike, but respect you have to earn. Earn by giving. For me love without respect is meaningless.

Trust is the glue binding the relation. It is a fragile gift that one person gives to others with the hope that it will be savoured forever.  When ever somebody breaks your trust, they are slowly but surely eroding their credibility . And what would you be without credibility - just an empty lie. Trust goes both ways - it is like you throw the ball in air, and  you need someone to catch it, or it rolls away maybe forever. Everyone's moral compass differs - the concept of loyalty varies from individual to individual. The more someone trusts you, the more you are responsible for handling it with care. Yet life teaches you that trust and loyalty are not as common as it should be.   If you are genuine,  you expect the other person to be true too. Life is too short to play games, to pretend and breed suspicions.Trust is a precious gift - respect it and treasure it.

Just be

Stand under the stars and visualize your place in the universe. All your worries, your pride, your achievements will dissolve. Stand in front of the ocean and you realize how fortunate we are to participate as an audience in our own insignificant way.  Hearing the sounds of waves, or trying to comprehend the vastness of our universe bundled withe the sheer magnitude and complexity of living overwhelms me.The water, the smell of salty water, reeds, seaweeds, broken shells and occasionally the parts of crabs,all a reminder of the secrets carried in the belly of the seemingly calm ocean, all signs of the ruthless force of life that runs through the ocean. Yet, the mighty ocean, helplessly dances to the tunes of the various moods of moon, teaching us how interconnected we all are, the living throbbing life and the apparently non-living elements in the life.

 The crashing waves have been in conversation with the shore for ages, at times even playfully kissing its feet long before I existed and will be doing so long after I am gone. My presence or absence makes no difference to life in general and our obsession with all our problems seem so trifle and unnecessary when we keep the big picture in mind. Maybe our  existence is just incidental - the purpose to just to sit back and admire the wonderful creation of the artist

Isn't it amazing though that in nature, no one tries to imitate the other being? Each is content to just be.The river flows because it has too, finds its own way too. The lake is placid and calm, content to stay in one place, accepting reflections of  guests like the  moon, and stars, trees and skies with no expectations.Content to just be .

Unlike the other species in the world, we humans have this uncanny quality of wearing masks, and pretending to be what we are not. Part of the ritual of growing up is learning to hide our emotions or at least express it the way society has deemed acceptable.Before long, we all learn to keep  up appearances, and wear masks suitable for the moment. Over the years we get so good at wearing masks that our genuine essence as a person is lost among all the different personalities we have learned to live with. The journey into self-discovery involves the risks of not liking what you see within-yet being kind enough to accept ourselves just we as we accept nature around us.

Quotes by Khalil Gibran

“One day you will ask me which is more important? My life or yours? I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life.”

“The timeless in you is aware of life's timelessness. And knows that yesterday is but today's memory and tomorrow is today's dream.”

“I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us.”

“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.” 

“Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself, Love possesses not nor would it be possessed: For love is sufficient unto love.”