A Good Life

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Time and again we are told stories of people who strive to live an extraordinary life. Stories that stir up our imagination and build up our hopes to have a "better life". A life that when we are old and waiting for our end, we can look back and say that yes I have led a good life. Yet what qualifies as a good life?  For the longest time I  been fascinated by people who go on adventures - people who are complex and live an "enriched life", till I met our neighour Joe.  Joe and Sonya moved into our neighbourhood 4 years ago. and knowing him has changed my attitude about how I want to grow old and how I want my story to end.  Now to just give you a backstory, Joe and Sonya moved  next door around 4 years ago.  There are some people who leave a mark on you, they teach you to live life. Joe is one of those people.

I have been meaning to write about him for a while now. Joe moved here in his early youth from Portugal, and like many of the new immigrants moving to Canada, didn't know a single word of English. To give you the gist, he till date barely knows how to read and write, and his English even after years in Canada, is so heavily accented that at times you take a guess at what he is saying. What sets him apart from the other people I have known, is that he is love personified. He loves his plants - gardening all the way into his mid eighties, and every time you meet him , a bit of his optimisitic attitude rubs off on you. Small things like remembering my birthday,along with all the members of my family,  staying up till late so that he wouldn't miss out on giving me my card and flowers, taking care of our garden as if it were his own and of course his hugs and joyful" Hey Avy," whenever he sees me.He is the type of guy who waits with cans of pop for the guys who come to pick up garbage, the guy who will bring his homemade wine when he sees that we have guests over, the guy who changed my mind about what legacy I wanted to leave behind.  His kids and grandkids come to visit frequently - they still have Halloween and Christmas parties at home and believe me he parties more than we do. And he still takes homemade lunch for his kids every Wednesday at work.

Recently he had a health scare, yet when we went to meet him, he was cheerful like always. By all means Joe has led an ordinary life - nothing exciting, no adventures, no travels, but what he and his wife have now, is what I want. I want to be surrounded by people to love and in return hopefully be loved. Joe has taught me to appreciate smaller things in life, to make the ordinary life extraoridnary by just adding a dose of love and kindness.  That in my opinion is a "good life " amd if I can emulate even 10% of his attitude and personality, I would consider my life to be successful. 

Dispensable me

“Which of us can resist the temptation of being thought indispensable?” 

― Margaret Atwood

Last couple of months, I have been in a reflective mood -in plain words, been over-thinking, analyzing and in general trying to make sense of who I am. Now, this would be interesting and perfectly normal if I was a teenager but even for an introvert like me, this was a long stretch of time spent in introspection.You need to be by yourself, to quieten your thoughts to face the truths that you always knew to  be true but chose to ignore. Universal truths - facts - that we all know, accept yet somewhere in our subconsciousness hope that it is not true. For instance, Death is certain, yet we live like we are going to live for ever.

 On the same note, we might give the lip service of understanding that we are dispensable, but in our hearts hope that it is not the truth.

We are replaceable, in our jobs, in our relationships. Life goes on and will go on and as much as it hurts to accept this fact, it is the truth. Every time we are in relationship, every time we connect, we give a piece of ourselves, unknowingly hoping that it would make a lasting difference. Maybe the piece lives on as a fleeting memory, or a throbbing heartache or an inspiration. But that is the optimistic in me speaking.

Our inflated egos and our distorted versions of our importance make us believe that we are indispensable. Our friends, our families, our employers all need us. Yet the truth is that we are easily replaceable and it actually is hurtful to know how easily. Life is fluid, it is limitless. It is like the moving car and we are like that occasional  fly sitting on the glass window - enjoying the free ride, but  utterly insignificant. Fact is that when we are actually able to imbibe the universal truths, when they are not just pop culture positivity quote, we are liberated. All our hang-ups, all our plans, and above all, our egos and the fodder for it - our expectations from others, dissipate into thin air. I find myself oscillating between accepting the fleeting nature of my existence to just ignoring the fact that I am not the centre of universe.

The buddishts contemplate on death, our impermanence.Times when I am overwhelmed or find myself berating myself, I sit down and contemplate on these universal truths.  It is a good exercise if practiced with a good attitude to maintain clarity on the priorities in life.

Stories Galore

We all have a story to tell; a story so unique that the events can only be experienced by you. I am not sure of others, but every time I walk by houses with the lights on seen through their half-drawn blinds allowing for a partial glimpse the TV show playing in the house with an isolated couch, my curious mind runs on overtime, building up stories. Look around you - the number or people, the lives being lived, the lives lived and  the lives that will be lived, and the possibilities of stories seem infinite.

We humans are fascinating. We are resillient, stupid, loving and cruel all at the same time. To think of it, all that we feel is all that we are. Feel anger, love, judgment, or feel fear, you are what you think and perceive.The best part is that no one can make us feel small without our permission.  I have learnt the hard way — in fact I am still learning. 

One big part of my job is meeting people and being privy to their lives. Some tragic, some insipirational and just some that you can relate to. I am privileged to meet the people on the streets, living off welfare, meeting people with money and most of the time, people who are what we call the struggling middle class. I have learnt not to judge, to show kindness and even if someone is reeking in weed, or having a body odour from not taking a bath for days, or smelling of urine — and I am not talking about small kids — it is okay and everyone has a story. 

I get to meet not just the cynical middle aged people that I can relate to, but also the young hopefuls, bright, confused and anxious about stepping  into the big bad world. People in different life stages,a nonagenarian having lived the life to the fullest struggling with a decaying body, or the young expectant parents eagerly waiting to take on new responsibilities.  People who have lost their jobs, changed careers (like from a nurse to a mortician), people who have lost loved ones, some of natural course of events, some tragically young.  

One thing that has stuck with me is that no matter what your financial status, no matter what life stage you are in, we all have the same aspirations. We all want to be loved, to be treated with kindness and most importantly with respect. We all want the human connection. There are some who in a short two minute talk can leave a long lasting impression, or some who without saying a word can belittle you. The former you cherish and the latter teaches you tolerance and forgiveness.