Socially connected

Looks can be deceptive and in today's media savvy world it is all the more true. We look at pictures on social media - happy pictures, smiling faces, adventures and travels, perfect families and perfect relationships. The moment captured perfectly doesn't necessarily represent the life of the person. The story before and after the fabulous picture is often blindsided by the glory of the moment.

The problem is when we start believing that the life presented before is what the whole truth is. I have often assumed and judged a book by its cover and I am sure, others have done the same about me. My struggles, my mundane life, my aspirations, the tiffs, my desires are all my own. I am guilty of at times feeling that my life is not as exciting or perfect as the stories that I read online.

Social media is supposed to make us feel connected and it does do that to a certain extent. A text, a message, a "how are you?"might at times me the only real connection  you might have had. We cannot and are not meant to live in isolation, We, humans need our peers appreciation, we need to feel wanted and loved. My self-esteem might not necessarily and definitely shouldn't be dependent on others, but to assume that we can live without having stimulating  conversations, without exchanging smiles, without sharing our fears with others is just being foolish.

We all need a friend, we all need someone to reassure us that we are not the only ones struggling in life. Reach out to someone today , communicate without pretence. Hug, smile, not because you are nice, but because you remember the day when someone did that to you when you really needed it and it made your day.

The memories dearest to me are of people who have made my day, just by saying a mere hello. Yes , just a hello  and a glimmer of hope that you are thought of is all that we need at times. My lifelines have been at times the conversations on social media, my deepest fears shared on the chat box, my dreams and my aspirations shared with people I have not maybe talked to in person.

First step into Adulthood

Before long my son you will join the ranks of adults. Legally independent and master of your fate. Like all parents, I am scared to let you go, the urge to keep you protected and safe intense as ever. Yet the only way to experience life is to wholly embrace all that it brings - beauty, ugly, and and all the

mundane things in between. It is the baseline of your life.Loving the day to day living, "the boring" stuff is the key to happiness. Even adventure on regular basis becomes mundane.

It is said life happens when we are busy making plans. Nothing could be truer than that. There is no rule book to live your life, other than being true to yourself . Whatever makes you sleep at night - yes even you who can sleep now for 14 hours and more, will have some sleepless nights.

Stepping out in the big bad world, where you will be held responsible for all your actions, I wish you the wisdom and courage to sail through the rough winds of life.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes. There are no guarantees in life, none at all. Not in your career, relationship or health. Be flexible to ride along the waves and breathe. At times the only thing you can do to traverse the tapestry of life is just breathe, everything else will fall in place.

One important thing as you step out in the world for "winners", is that you define your success and the parameters for happiness. You define your own success.

All I actually want from you is to live... Live every moment maybe on impulse, maybe cautiously. But live. Fully, passionately and with integrity. And in all this living don't forget to dream and create a little magic.

Honestly clueless

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  Incessant chattering in the head, words, ideas, scenarios all running wild. You try to hold on to the thoughts, bring them back to present, but they are strong and fast and soon overpower the tiny sensible voice in your head to come back to present. Our minds are where we live. We are what our thoughts are.They define us.

  I have learnt to let the vagrant thoughts have their way; it is too tiring to try and control them. I have tried to capture the flighty words and make some sense of them, albeit not quiet successfully. The clutter can be overwhelming.Our truth is what we believe. We believe at many times what is convenient for us at the moment. Truth can be uncomfortable and not everyone has the courage to face it. Our version of truth is what we make it out to be.Our beliefs, our lives, are all based on experience, our ability to see the world and how open our minds and hearts are.

  Honesty is not about telling the absolute truth, it is about acknowledging what we perceive to be true. It is about presenting the facts as they are, without purposeful tampering, without twisting it. Honesty is looking into the mirror and seeing the reflection - flaws and all - seeing things for how they are to the best of our ability.

  I find myself leaning more towards maintaining peace and equanimity than wasting my energy in unravelling the truth.Some mysteries are meant to be unsolved, some issues unresolved.Some lies are best ignored, some deceptions better forgiven. When there is no absolute truth, how can there be absolute right or wrong? Acceptance of our limitations are what sets us free. I am learning that not everyone sees the world the way I do and that is okay.We use rose coloured glasses to see the world, filter the harshness to keep the heart soft and kind.

Take it easy

There comes a time in your life, when you have the choice to either take what happens to you seriously and fret about it, or to just look at the events from a skewered point of view  and laugh about it. People are screwed,  we are to a certain extent dysfunctional - and what do you suppose our relationships with others are like -  yes guessed right - screwed.

Yet this life - even the sanest and wisest of us are not what we seem like - layers and layers of deceptions  and add to  the recipe,  interactions with people who are damaged by life and its unexpected events. Life, desires, expectations and our greed for more, all literally twisting our minds  We are small beings with capability to talk and see - yet unable to communicate. We are mean people, with hearts that can be filled with love towards our lineage, also holds the capacity to be cruel to helpless beings. We can sear people's hearts with our fiery words, or warm their hearts with our kindness. Yes, we are capable of both. 

And then this is what happens when a serious person tries to write humour, - you go off track and sink to the bottom with the real and virtual problems of the world. Yes, we think - and actually believe that thinking helps... seriously? I have been  a proponent of teaching kids and adults to think - but honestly what good does it do? Yes "do" is the key word. Thinkers are not doers - the world maybe needs people who just take action. 

Teach kids early on that failures and successes don't make life - how we deal with it makes life - take both easy. Have fun , break rules, bandage your heart, shut your brain out to things that worry you, laugh at situations you have no control over, because crying definitely won't help either. 

All you get for being sincere, for taking others seriously is high blood pressure, anxiety and disappointments. We should be taught  and maybe serious people like me, given lessons early in life (maybe extra tutorials) that take everything and everyone you meet with a pinch of salt... Take life lightly, take yourself lightly.

Older but not wiser

It has been a while since I was excited about growing another year older. I look back and all I see is a flash of life zooming past. Time, the rebel , teasing me by fast forwarding my year to "that time of the year " again. Time flies not when you are having fun, but when you want it to slow. Age is not just a number, and irrespective of what my heart believes or wants to believe, I will soon be a year closer to actually be called "old" .I don't mind growing older, I would be ungrateful if I did , but I do want the time to slow down - to savor every passing moment.

Another year older and not a day wiser. The only wisdom I have gained in the past year is that being wise is no fun. Be foolish and make mistakes. In the past one year I have realized that I am in charge of only my happiness. I have learnt that sometimes it is okay to let the heart rule over your head. Forgiving comes more easily and that there is a reason why our memories grow weaker as we age. 

My eyes have gotten weaker too and that helps when I look at myself in the mirror to uplift my self-esteem. My moral compass has grown flexible and nothing shocks me anymore. The desire to prove myself and my ambition is waning every day and my tolerance for inane talks and stupidity is decreasing at an alarming rate. My disdain for irrationality has reached a s point where I feel too lazy to even respond with anger. I  am turning myself to just being a spectator and observer of human follies, including mine. Some things like religion, and politics , which I would have passionately given my views on, I am slowly turning indifferent to.

On other hand, I find more interest in anti-aging products and "health" - a sure sign that I am fast approaching the peak of middle age. I am getting better at finding excuses to avoid  social gatherings and I am more comfortable than I was last year with my idiosynarcies. I understand that I am human and it is okay to be swayed into the realm of devil from time to time and so long as it is only in thoughts and not actions, it is okay. 

What I do want, hasn't changed much, only the desires have intensified with an urgency that is only possible when  with growing another year older. I still want to see every sunset, every sunrise possible , just watch the leaves dancing with abandoned joy,watch the petals bloom, and find rhythm in the raindrops. I want to watch the snow flakes melt as they hit the ground, and listen to the stream happily  maneuver its way around the rocks to go where it wants to.

I want to travel the world, not to see places, but to meet people and comprehend what makes us human. I want to experience freedom, a free mind, an open mind, to dissolve all the experiences of the past and live again. I want to be able to go on long drives, with no destination in mind.

Yes... I am another year older and   the desire to live life to the  best intensifies  every day.   

Time outs

Be strong, be positive and march on. Everyday we live life, sometimes on our terms, sometimes on terms set by others. Yet, we live on. The wear and tear of everyday living - if we can call it that, our frustrations, our limitations, our loneliness and our pretenses, all just keep on piling up till we reach the brink of our tolerance and can take no more.



Being an adult is difficult. Being  a responsible adult is harder. One of the traits of adulthood is that we don't respond instantly or express exactly how we feel. Children can throw tantrums, can wail out loud in public, can laugh and play without any restrictions when and where they want. But as we grow older , we learn to grin and bear. We are taught to keep our emotions on leash, to swallow anger, to smile through the pain and even when we are happy to show restraint.

Restraint and  judiciousness  in our actions are essential to  fit into the norms of society. Society needs structure, discipline and restraint to exist.We  wouldn't be able to survive without the discipline to postpone our natural instincts, the covering up of our fears and frustrations. But all this covering up, takes it toll on you. The suppressed emotions waiting to surface, needs privacy to vent out - the poison needs to bleed out. Some take the help of alcohol, some put obsessive and streneous demands on their body.

Being  woman , I am fortunate that I have liberty  and the tool to let all the bottled up emotions to just escape which is perfectly acceptable by society. I cry .Nothing cleanses the heart and soul better than a good cry.The luxury of freedom to just wallow in self-pity, to just give my feelings the priority, is what I call time out for myself. I allow myself time -out from being strong, from being brave and happy and just let the wave of tears overcome every other feeling.

Time outs are just that- an intermission before we go back and start living like adults again, a break to be kind to ourselves, and indulgence to let ourselves just be self centered kids.

Empowering girls

Do we really need girls to be princesses? I see barbie dolls, I see parents referring to their daughters as princesses and all I want to do is scream out - no it is not right. I remember growing up, when I got into a physical fight with my brother and looked at my dad to help me out, all he said was, you have two hands, and legs just like your brother, fight your own battle, save yourself. It taught me to fight for my own battles, to be a warrior and not wait to be saved.

The west is generations ahead in terms of women's rights and I am so blessed to live in this society. Yet when I see parents treating their daughters to be princesses, I find it regressive. I feel disappointed when I see vain mothers, raising their daughters to be equally vain. There is this limitless opportunity for girls over here, to achieve anything they want, why teach them to seek for outside source to nourish their self-esteem? Self-esteem grows with accomplishment. Teach them to achieve, to compete with boys.Treat them to be equal.

We need more girls and women in well-paying jobs. In trades, in management, in politics. We need more doctors, lawyers, soldiers. We need to change the meaning  of tradition. I despise the word, because it represents blind faith - doing something because it has always been done that way.Foraging into male dominated careers also demands that men take up more roles in female dominated professions. The lines between provider and nurturer needs to be blurrier, if not totally erased. 

The time has come to redefine gender roles. Let kindness and respect be the qualities that women find  desirable in men . For true feminism, women have to change their perspective. Don't raise your daughters to be princesses, raise them to be queens - empower them with self-esteem and love and a positive body image. Raise your sons to admire strong women.

Forever Young

I always wondered why we were so fascinated by youth. It's been a while since I was considered young, and although I have tried to keep myself and my thoughts open to new ideas, I know I am not young again. There is something poetic about how youth welcomes life with open arms.

Youth is all about being novice, about being inexperienced - about experiencing new things all the time. The wonder, the awestruck moment, when we step into the unknown, not with fear, but with hope and wonder. 

Youth that is not optimistic about its future, is wasted. 

There is something very powerful about being under the illusion that life is all good - life is going to listen and fulfil all your dreams. Yes , the dreams and the belief that you can be what you want and do what you want is what youth is all about.

As we grow older, face challenges, disappointments, see our dreams crash, bitterness and cynicism sets in and we age. We grow old as we grow wiser - youth is all about folly and being fearless. 

Some of us are fortunate to live in the age of innocence and naivety for longer  than others. Some of us are born wise and never get to see life through rose colored eye, while others just refuse to grow up. 

I miss being carefree, miss the fact that I only had to think about myself, be utterly selfish and be okay with it. I miss the days of "wasting time", of just living day to day. 

Trust and Friends

As you grow older, your life gets more entangled in the social web of relationships that actually don't matter in the long run. We get so busy with social obligations, that the longing for meaningful connections, where you can be who you are, no questions asked, are rare. Most of us have those few friends that we can trust to support us through all the upheavals of our life. They are our rocks, they are our sounding boards and of course our partners in crime.

They tell us the truth -or maybe  at times just go along with our whimsical thoughts and plans, waiting patiently for us to come to our senses. They believe in us, and irrespective of how bad it sounds when we say what we say, they can read between the coded lines. The no judgement part of the town, the talk before you think zone. There is nothing more valuable to me than friendship - the feeling of love and good will. Friendship is mutual - it is not mandatory - it is what we choose . Choosing and nurturing, we lovingly build relationships based on trust and love.

The foundation for all relationships is friendship and the glue that bonds friendship is trust.  Love, hate, get angry, get frustrated, but don't break trust.Take trust out of the equation and you are left with nothing, but simple fluff.  The problem with trust is that, it is precious - very precious and fragile. You have to handle it with care. It takes ages to develop and minutes to break. When we trust someone, we are basically holding the person in good faith . Faith is blind and so is trust.

Trust is what sustains our relationship with others. Although it is not easy to open ourselves, which we do , when we trust, there can be no meaningful relationship without trust. Love becomes meaningless, respect a sham, if we are not able to show our vulnerable side without being afraid of being betrayed.

What is the use of friendship, if I have to choose words? Relationships are investments, we invest our time, we invest our emotions and create a space in our hearts'  - sometimes they are so deeply embedded, that they become a part of you. We don't make friends, we develop them, friendship is a process, a constant process of giving and taking, of extending our hand all in good faith .

We all need friends - the bonding , the connecting , the acceptance and the unwavering faith that someone holds goodwill for you. Life would be meaningless without having true friends - or that one friend, who can read between the lines, who can say what they want, without the fear of being judged.

Friendship is sacred, it is the basis for all relationships - marriage, parent - and child, any relation that requires trust. And on a final note, there are no goodbyes between friends - just brief intermissions.

People Pleasers

There is something about anger and indignation that ends up with me concocting    a cocktail of caustic sarcasm with a dash of spice in it. I am a people pleaser or to be more precise, actually that is the perfect term -for the lack of good vocabulary. People pleasers - the term is self-explanatory - we try our best to keep everyone happy, even it makes us unhappy in the end.  I can go on record and say that there isn't a single person that I have severed relationship with.

Like you might have guessed by now, we have a few traits that define us. We can't say no-and God forbid, if we ever have to negate or refuse someone, we would be filled with guilt till the end. Not to say that we are insincere, or that we are nice, but we are boring for sure.

I can think of a thousand things that I didn't do in my life because of  "what would people think"? It is like an inbuilt mechanism, learnt or genetic , they are still trying to figure it out. 

Too much of sugar is bad for you - yes you heard right - sugar and nice- both are bad for you. Even we feel the need for some spice - alas the imp in us was lazy and skipped on many classes on "how to have fun in life"

It takes special kind of jerks to make us angry - and being a people pleaser, we assume that we were the reason for the behaviour that could only be explained by swear language.

Yes, we don't swear - very rarely under our breath - and if you were programmed right, you would be admonishing yourself in the very next breath. 

If you find this person suffocating to live with - I agree - yet the only way unfortunately to break free, would be to reboot and make sure the devil on your shoulder is less dominated by the preachy angel. 

So people, now you know how to spot a People pleaser, go ahead and befriend them - they are just waiting for you and your approval .

Stepping out

What do we want in life ? We all want happiness , we all want to live our life to the fullest.Two contradictory desires. Happiness demands being content and being grateful, but to live life to the fullest , you need to be greedy , you need to be unsatisfied and stretch yourself out of your comfort zone. Being  joyful on the other hand is different.

Whenever we step out of our comfort zone and believe it is really hard, especially for someone like me, who would rather have life knock the doorstep, than actively seek it out.I settle in and will avoid change at any cost, because keeping my equilibrium is more important actively seeking adventure and life. I am afraid to make mistakes, afraid to be proven wrong, and of appearing ridiculous.

I have realized quite late in the life that fear of failure has prevented me seeking life out of my comfort zone. Comfort - the known, the rut , the proven and the safe and cozy place that we all want to live in . I have to learn to make mistakes, jump higher than I think is possible and be prepared to fall and fail. I have to step out of my small world  and conquer the irrational fear of failure, because life is larger than me.

One percent communication

I write - I love to reach out and connect and I treasure all the connections that I have made in my life so far. Yet even with a reasonably good power over words, at times I am lost. I frantically search for words to reach out, and have failed miserably at times to convey the sincerity or set  the right tone of conversation. How  do we maintain long distance relationships with our friends in this one cent communication age,where we are literally using only one percent of the tools available to relay our message?

One percent communication is a blessing for an introvert like me - no eye contact, no formal niceties, just hammer the nail straight to point. I like the disguise of hiding behind black and white words, after all written words don't express the quiver in your voice or the sadness in your eyes. There is a comfort in having relationships where you can hide in your shell undetected behind all the emotions. 

In spite of all the favorable points - I find it disconcerting  when I find myself trying to analyze and decipher messages that I receive. A harmless message can be distorted, after all  we are using just one percent of the tools in communication.  It is easier for me to hide behind the words, but at the same time harder to judge the  sincerity of a message. 

Is it sent in good humor or a sarcasm? Is it just casual words typed while you were doing some other chore like driving or talking or cooking? Or is it sincere and emotional? There is no way to gauge the depth of the message, no way to see the expressions or hear the undertones in the voice - the rise, the fall, the whispers, the subtle giveaways that reassure us of the genuine purpose of the message. 

Communication is tough - even when we are utilizing all the tools of communication. We give our 100% when we are in an intimate relationship - making love - we use our bodies, our eyes and at times use words to relay how we feel exactly. Physical contact - hugs, a handshake, a kiss are less likely to miscommunicate than words.Verbal words, with eye contact and body language are again more expressive - and wholesome,but in this world where even our messages are generic - words are typed and not handwritten, how do we detect love? How do we ensure the sincerity?

One percent communication offers an excellent way to keep in touch in this life, where most of connecting takes place in between tasks . Yet we need to bring back warmth of spoken words, the firm handshakes and the eye contacts back into our lives to ensure we don't lose valuable friendships  that misunderstandings caused by the quality of communication has created.

The challenges of parenting

Raising kids is challenging enough, raising good kids who will not go on self-destruct mode, needs more refined parenting skills, but parents who have raised high achieving kids have aced their scorecard for sure or that is what I believed. But is it really so? 

There is so much literature on how to raise your kids well - although I am still unsure what is "well". I haven't read a lot on parenting styles - but observing friends and people around me has been a revelation for me. I am a pretty laid back person - or that is what I think I am.(my family and friends opinions might differ - in fact I know it differs). This better underachieve than fail trait, has served me well, but at times I feel that my own lack of ambition has trickled down to my kids, which I try and overcompensate in my own weird way.

The issue I face as a parent is - how much do I push my kids? I want them to reach their full potential, but at the same time, I want them to live life true to themselves.. There are times when all you want to do is just give them a hug and make sure nothing or no one hurts them, yet at the same time, I realize that they need to be vaccinated (yes I believe in vaccination !) against the ills of life.

I feel awful pushing my son into the big bad world, watching him transition from the world is is my oyster, to yes this life and this is how you make a living. I honestly don't know if there is ever a right balance between mothering and smothering your kids with love, which is so easy , and being the disciplinary teacher who is ensuring that they have all the skills needed to survive in this "life is not fair" real world.

Is my prime duty to just smother them with love,  or is it to make them ready to face the inevitable heartbreaks and failures that we all face? I am not sure - and never will be. Or is it just to make sure that they are secure that they are loved unconditionally? Parents are riddled with guilt - we know we could all do better, even after we have given our best. I guess that is what it is in the end we are just there to guide -with our limited knowledge and the do the best we can with what we have.

Our children give us joy, as a baby, as toddler and youth - every stage is an experience in itself. But I really believe, that the real joy, the moment of pride is when they  know how to choose between right and wrong, when they  are able to rise and dust themselves up after a fall and move along without feeling broken, and when they know life is all about treating others with kindness.

Cookie Cutter

Layers and layers of masks - and somewhere, lost deep beneath is our self - our essence , which has been manipulated, been mutilated and in camouflaged since we were old enough to be told to behave in a certain way.Some of us are old souls, we are ready to plunge deep within to find our true self, others are just discovering life - naive and enthusiastic.

Society encourages uniformity - there is a comfort in fitting in, in following the norms of human life. I have been interacting with an array of teenagers and paradoxically  although I should feel older in the company of youth, I was thrilled to be amidst new thoughts, new viewpoints of life and the world in general. We evolve through our youth. New radical thinking, and questioning is the basis for all change in society. Acceptance only stagnates and slowly kills us.

Questioning, doubting, thinking and defying the tried and tested is necessary if the human race wants to evolve. The world needs more rebellion and independent thinkers. More people willing to strike their own path - regardless of whether they will "succeed" in terms of real world.  I was raised to question, and I encourage my kids to think and form their opinion. I bring my experience to the table  and they bring their optimism.

Yet, when I talk to the youngsters today, I find that they are pragmatic, more willing to succumb to the pressures of society and its need to survive. We lack free thinkers, people who are okay with not being politically right, people who are willing to risk sounding like idiots and probably being booed. 

The exposure to unlimited resources - shallow and fast - at the tips of your fingers, has made us very susceptible to basing our opinions on what is more media savvy. I find our opinions are manipulated by what is accessible on media.

We need detoxification from time to time from all the media-pollutants, to be able to clarify our own personal needs. Discover our essence, to think - to think for ourselves, and not unconsciously plagiarizing..

We are all different. We need to think different, We need the next generation to think and not just recycle.

Quotes on Youth

“Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”
― Franz Kafka

“The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.” 
― Friedrich Nietzsche

“When you're young, you think everything you do is disposable. You move from now to now, crumpling time up in your hands, tossing it away. You're your own speeding car. You think you can get rid of things, and people too—leave them behind. You don't yet know about the habit they have, of coming back.

Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been.”
― Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin

The young, free to act on their initiative, can lead their elders in the direction of the unknown... The children, the young, must ask the questions that we would never think to ask, but enough trust must be re-established so that the elders will be permitted to work with them on the answers.”
― Margaret Mead

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Sky is the limit

Whenever I feel smug or feel the urge to wallow in self-pity, all I need to do is look up to the skies. The unassuming canvass - offering limitless opportunities to let nature shine in all its glory. There is something very  mysterious about the changing colors and scenes in the sky. Every minute, every day , the scene changes - this plain yet magnanimous stage,  permitting the clouds to chase after each other or to loudly express its emotions, or letting  the moon flaunt the fact that it is still the brightest in the sky and can throw tantrums by playing the invisible act.

Birds can fly fearlessly, in fact even human beings, their voices and their thoughts travel unconcerned. Watch the glorious sun sinking into darkness and the blushing skies giving way to the stars to shine, each slowing being called on to attendance to liven up the otherwise dark sky. Slowly as you focus your eyes -they appear as if responding to your command to appear.

I love to watch the sky in the evening - dusk - is such a dramatic time - birds flocking home, some in pairs, some wait for the others to join , and then there are rebellions, who long after the others have reached home, stagger in fun. Do they get scolded when they reach home - or do they own their time? Do birds have best friends too, and maybe crushes?

I wish I could read their minds - feel the freedom and maybe fly high like the majestic eagle and try to touch the clouds - or does it try and rip  the clouds apart?

For centuries mankind has been fascinated by the sky - our time, our year all ruled by the one over head. It was our navigator, our time clock, our weather forecaster - and our heaven. The immense vastness of the universe encapsulated in our eyes  and gloried and magnified by our imagination. We earthlings yearn to reach the sky - to touch the stars, to bathe in stardust. The glitter, the chatter, the drama, all beyond our reach increases our attraction to this unknown emptiness.


The sky is generous -and loving - it lets nature showcase its beauty  and its anger. The breeze can travel softly, the storm can create a havoc, the clouds can try and intimidate it ,yet there is this quiet assurance, this sagacious confidence that nothing will change it - the drama can play out, but no one owns the sky.

I have lived like a water - deep and mysterious, going with the flow, yet I am attracted to the open skies, and wish for the same wisdom to let the events play out - yet there is the core self - pure and inviting 

Blessed moments

Moments turn into days, days into events and before we know it is time to say goodbye to this world we call home. Every breath I take ironically is also every breath I am closer to death. Living - celebrating life is  all about being present in the moment - to be right here, right now. I am not sure about others, but my mind time travels quite frequently - builds up lives I have never lived and basically drags me away from living.

How can something as simple as living in the moment, require so much effort on our part? Is it because we are always loaded with events of the past - or because we anxious about the future? Our time is spent in planning for our future or analyzing our past. We relive our mistakes, we dwell in places that don't exist  or distorted versions of past recreated by our trickster mind.

There are no easy solutions in life - in fact there are no solutions, because there are no problems. We create our hell and we have the ability to create our heaven too. Yet the mind is more programmed to create hell. Every moment that doesn't give us happiness is your mind sabotaging your life. We create our own realities - whatever I believe becomes the truth for me. And ultimately my truth will be different from others - we are all looking at the same things with different perspectives.

I am still training my mind to come home to present sooner and to stick to facts rather than fictionalizing and creating stories that would put even the soap operas to shame. It is a work in progress - the mind wanders but to speak in modern terms - I have my GPS on and make sure that it doesn't go too far from the moment.

I find that life can bring me down - negativity is powerful after all. Yet I can't stay there for long - I have too many things to be grateful for and a heart full of gratitude will always win over the mind full of doubts. Fill your heart with gratitude - fill your heart with wonder - let every sunset count, every moon rise inspire awe, and every thunderstorm make your heart race. We have been invited to this show of wonders - every day, every moment life  is unfolding miracles,  clouds changing shapes, mountains changing colours, sun on your skin, wind playing with your hair - step out and meet the creator.

Terms and conditions

Do we ever get to live life on our terms? We are all to a certain extent governed  by rules and commitments. Living life on your own term  demands being bold and selfish. You have to take decisions that will be good for your own growth, irrespective of what others are feeling. Yet some of us are tied up  in bindings of love, commitment and responsibilities that make it impossible to live life on our terms. Am I a coward who avoids confrontation or a person who wisely compromises and moves on? Are temperance and modesty still virtues or am I just trying to buy peace by forgiving and ignoring possible injustices?

Some of these issues have been nagging me lately -  especially when instead of not reacting to the outrage that was building inside me, I justified it by just being forgiving , learning the lesson and letting go. Is it wise to fight and burn bridges  or just to back off?

All my life, I have chosen the battles I want to fight - ensuring that they are worth it. Who am I kidding. Actually I have only fought battles I had to  - where I had no choice but to fight back to survive. I am not sure if passivity or being moderate is considered a virtue anymore.To be honest, my intentions in escaping confrontations were more to protect myself - to save myself from getting dirty.Does that make me a coward or a wise person? I am not sure.

We are never alone and our decisions are never without any repercussions. Every time I have a choice to do what feels right to me - live impulsively, or to take into consideration the effect it will have on people close to me. Some are tough - some I want to resist , some I grow to resent , yet I know even if it is with heavy heart, how the decision affects my loved ones in more important than how it makes me feel.

 Lately, lot of conflicting emotions and tough decisions have made me wonder, how much of our life is owned by us? The art of living teaches to live in the present, the moments... to let go and to live life like it is your last day... Yet why is this so difficult for some of us to follow? Is it because living for yourself demands you to be selfish and not just selfish , at times callous towards feelings of others? Or is it because some people are more prone to being anchors in others life  and find it painful to let go ? Or is it because we love and care about others well beings more than our own?

Healthy self-perception

Recently I have been hearing lot of "weight loss" buzzing around. We all struggle with our body image, be it our heights, our skin, hair and the never ending issue of weight and muscle. Is there any end to our quest to find the perfect body?  The other day, I was going out for a brisk walk and was feeling good about myself, till someone jogged past me - someone obviously older than me. Just when I was about to berate myself for not being fit enough, somebody else zoomed past me and the other person , making me smile for I realized there is no end to this.

Another incident that struck me was when a seemingly fit 87 year old woman was complaining about losing 5 more pounds and all I could think was Seriously ? She was walking, she was coherent, she was healthy, yet the obsession with weight and the numbers was all she could think of. Maybe she had lived to be that old, because of her obsession with  weight - maybe not. 

I am rattled  when a young mother talks proudly about how her two year old daughter  comments on mom  looking  fat - and that is to a woman who I am sure would be termed underweight by her doctor. This obsession with our body, especially weight and our unhealthy relationship with food bothers me. It upsets me that we are all expected to fit into a slot that is supposedly deemed to be healthy. When someone labels young girls as "fat", I am enraged, no one has the right to label you  - only your doctor and that too when you go to take advice. All our insecurities stem from irresponsible comments made by insensitive prigs. I remember being 6 years old and someone obviously "well-intentioned" advising my mom about using face packs to lighten my skin tone. I am 44 now , the words still haunt me and even now when I look in the mirror I see an ugly, dark girl .

I am all for healthy living, healthy eating, but we are all made differently. I would rather eat and be happy and live life and be who I am. I have learnt that there is always going to be someone slimmer, prettier, more intelligent, more successful than I am. But I have also learnt, that not everybody gets to live, not everybody gets to raise children, not everybody has all the limbs intact.

I am learning to accept my dark skin tone, learning to accept the body parts that I dislike - to let go and just be myself because  I know if I can't disentangle myself from all self -image issues, I will grow old never actually living. Give me an overweight , obese joyous being any day over a grumpy skinny and miserable being. 

Lend a hand

A peek into hundreds of lives, hundreds of relationships - young love, mature love , married couples celebrating their 60 th anniversary, divorces - after 4 , 5 and 35 and 50 years of being together - abusive relationships, cheating, just getting bored ... whatever be the case I have realized marriages are not easy  and can never be taken for granted. I have known people carrying their spouses ash around their neck... people lost after losing their partner after 60 years of togetherness, and those same people trying to find joy again -in new relationships, new hobbies, faith and family. Life definitely does go on - we are  just incidental and absolutely dispensible. Yet we are nothing without each other. I wouldn't be able to survive without human connection. It is not an option, it is a necessity. We are so entangled with each other - that reaching out to others is part of our living.


Stories that touch our hearts are what connects us  and nothing touches our hearts more than loss - we are unified in our grief . Happiness is a different story. Everyday I see people who just need that one kind look, an acknowledgement of their presence - they don't care who gives it. It is said that the opposite of love is not hate , but indifference and I couldn't agree more. Love, spread warmth,listen, spread kindness..... and you feel more human again. Empathize, laugh, smile, and you have connected to another being. You need to reach out and when someone lends you a hand , be grateful and take it. We are interdependent - we need each other - we are humans and although animals can love us unconditionally, we do desire to connect with our own species.

A walk down the dyke rejuvenates me - but sharing the dyke with people like me, exchanging greetings  and smiles with a simple "what a lovely day" is what warms my heart.

So go ahead and communicate - hug, kiss, smile, laugh, cry together - our time is limited but if we have touched even one heart , healed one soul, given hope to one individual we have not lived in vain.

Stories we tell ourselves.

There are days when the words just stumble into written words and then there are days when I struggle to write a decent sentence. There are thoughts, thoughts waiting to rush out, to be heard, yet they are so jumbled together, so entangled together that they just make no sense.  Lately, I have been trying to change my perspective on life. Time seems to be just slipping by - I want to do so much , yet ... I find that summer is a time that shines light on this dilemma of too many things to do, and too little time. I want to watch the sunset - on the beach as well on the mountains - on the same day . Yes, this is coming from the mind of a 40 plus woman - still declared sane, and not a tantrum prone toddler. But  fact remains, that I struggle with the contradictory elements in my life. Time never seems enough.

I live in a pretty simplified life - not much socializing, no commitments that are different than others. Yet, the more I realize that life is short, the more I want to spend time doing things I want rather than I have to. I have this nasty habit of building stories. A sure sign of a born worrier. A worrier is a warrior in the sense, that you are constantly battling against yourself. You can create scenarios that end in catastrophe out of thin air, and while you are writing your eulogy ( I have done that) and mourning events that could have happened, you actually suffer.

I am learning to be more aware of my thoughts - letting it not tempt me  on free rides to hell and back . Awareness - being conscious about what you feel , literally dragging your thoughts back into the moment helps. But like everything  else in life , it demands your commitment to practice. After all the stories that we tell ourselves each day - of success or failures are what end up with in the end. We are our stories, we become our thoughts, we either sabotage our success or create a way to reach our potential.

In the meantime, if only the thoughts could write by itself - life would be so much simpler.

Money Matters

There are certain lessons you learn as a banker. The privilege of looking into a wide array of peoples lives from a financial perspective makes you look at things differently. I have personally been through financial upheaval in my life, but to realize that I wasn't the only one, is helpful. My outlook about life and money has changed. I have learnt

1. Money isn't everything - but money is almost as important as health

2. What you earn matters, but what and how you spend matters more

3. It doesn't take long for your bank balance to go down - a divorce, a job loss, a long term illness - a sick child .You can't  judge others by their bank balance - you don't know their story

4. Not all bank balances are created equal - some are inherited, some are accident claims, and some are self-made. But all bank balances tell you a story.

5. You don't take money with you when you pass on - but you definitely need it till the end. You never know how long and under what health issues you will live in the future -and there are no seniors discounts on hydro bills and groceries.

6. Write a will, disburse as much as you can - inheritance creates problems - it tests relationships.

7. Poverty is  no fun, but at the same time being rich is not guarantee for happiness. The more you have , the more you obsess about money.

Unknown Trails

Last couple of weeks, I have felt lost - a feeling that I just wasn't connected to my inner self. I have cried my heart out for inconsequential reasons, picked up fights with loved ones, and in general have been a miserable person to be around. A hurtful comment, some imagined slights  all making me feel like I was worthless. Frustration and resentment turn into anger and anger is poison  that can harden your heart and make it devoid of love and kindness.

It took a while to realize that I was resisting an unwanted change. An unwanted change is always painful, but resisting it causes suffering. I am learning that whenever I resist or have to deal with situations that I didn't like or want in the first place, I become miserable.

Life is full of choices, but most often our choices are not unconditional. I realize that whenever I carry resentment , frustration, or anger, I hurt myself. The negative feelings might have been meant for somebody else, or maybe just for the situation we are in , but it spills over and affects me more than anybody else. There is no winning in holding resentment, no winning in feeling helpless.

I am learning the art of patience, I am learning that everything takes time and it is wiser to just go with the flow. The more I resist, the more I suffer. It is not easy to not feel trapped, it might be a relationship, it might be a job or it might just be your health issue. But  the fact remains, that the more we struggle to set free, the more we get entangled .

We all need our own stress busters, our own little stories that we tell ourselves to feel better. It might be lies, it might just be illusionary, but we all need some glimmer of hope for a better day.  I find that a hike on an unknown trail - makes my head clearer. You don't know where your destination is , you don't know what you will encounter next, all you do know is that you have to keep on moving forward, one step at a time. 

Life is what we make it to be ... how we see it. Keep the internal hope alive, keep the innocence alive and above all let not tough situations and negative people embitter you. You are victorious if you don't let your heart be toughened by what life throws at you. Dust the heart free of all negativity, shine it with love and soldier on .Life is beautiful if you feel beautiful. 

A look within

My beautiful, bright tulips were dying... petals falling apart, exposing the sweet fragrance hidden somewhere in the heart of the flower. Essence that I had missed, till I was compelled by decay to look beyond the obvious.I picked up the petals intending to clean up the apparent mess and was astonished at the beauty of the petal . The shiny, shaded petal, silky and beautiful beyond words from inside. If I hadn't picked up the broken flower, I would have missed out on seeing the flower from a different perspective - the beauty inside.

There are certain things in life that unifies all mankind and certain things that create a wedge between us. Unfortunately, the things that unites us are not always happy. We are unified in our grief. There is something about loss - something about grieving for a loved ones that crosses all barriers of language, religion and  race and brings us all together. I find that our smiles can be faked, but tears rarely can . We are more unified in our sorrow than in our happiness. Happiness is very personal and individualistic and although we all are unified in seeking it, it doesn't open our hearts. Broken hearts are more open, more receiving. We see life and people with a different perspective. No other language or emotion is as pure as sadness or grief.

A moment of shared grief creates a connection forever.  You will never forget the people you shared a tear with -sharing your most vulnerable moment with someone is something that you don't easily forget. Friends who have seen me crushed, who have been in tough times, even those who were strangers, are a part of life.

Show kindness to all you meet -you never know who might need it and maybe it will reflect back on self.

Half way through ..

There is this big dilemma in middle age - you either accept that you are done with your youth and peak productive years or you take this as an opportunity to reinvent yourself or should I say reveal your true self and take it as a second opportunity to live life on your terms.

You wake up to realize that it took much shorter period of time to reach this age - it came too soon and all of a sudden you are aware of every passing year. Time doesn't slow as you age, it rushes ... using gravity in all possible ways imaginable ... (just look at your skin )

You realize that you are half way through life - considering that you will live your life till 80s and will be living it healthy. You have experienced life  in ways only you can - and have experienced loss, love, heartbreaks, career slumps .. and potential risks. You know by now that life cannot be planned and charted out, you just make the best of the journey.

Healthy diets start to hold a different meaning - cholesterol is real, hypertension is real and when your doctor says that you have to have annual checkups after 40s - you know that youth is smiling and waving you goodbye. Mid-life crisis looms - you want to hang in with the enchanting fragrances of youth , you want to hold on to the illusion of being immortal and when  it dawns on you that the time is ticking - that before you know you would be gone, the urgency to fulfill all the desires takes prominence.

Yet this is a phase that is so unique - you learn to love yourself more, and believe me everything looks perfect with imperfect eyes - natures way of softening the blow when you look in the mirror.You realize that life is still beautiful and all the small stuff that you spent your youth worrying about doesn't really matter. You have gained enough experience in life to know that this too shall pass.

You also find that it is very liberating to know that there are no set rules - they were all set by someone else for their convenience.Learning to speak and write without worrying about repercussions comes easy and the list of to dos become prioritized. Messy houses, peoples approval  start to matter less  and the realization that life is meant to be enjoyed through your own unique eyes. Guilt gets reserved for only serious matters.

By the mid -forties , you learn to love and live with your idiosyncrasies, and appreciate the people who love you in spite of all the  flaws. Time becomes precious and the urgency to do what you love and be with your loved ones takes precedent.

You no longer hesitate to show your true crazy self  and are well-versed in filtering the disapproved looks. Life does get better - time more valuable and the people you love more precious .

A Good Marriage

Successful marriages are not made in heaven, but in everyday life . You have to work for it -you have to put in effort. Marriage is just the beginning - it is a promise of two mature individuals to be there for each in times happiness and sickness. A commitment to support each other , to be loyal and love each other.

We change, we grow, times change, circumstances change - good times, bad times, growing family, unexpected loss of wages, ill -health- name it - we all go through it at some time or another. Life happens and at times we are unable to keep up with it. Marriage requires work, marriage requires you to be present in the relationship, present , aware and willing to resolve.

Good marriages are not perfect- they cannot be, because we are not. A good partnership though makes us a better person - we are better because of the other person. Together you create a life that brings more joy than when we are alone. Yet every marriage is different. Some thrive on distance, some thrive on being physically together - whatever be the case - until and unless the relationship changes with you, changes with times, it will not survive.

Marriage is demanding - everything that is of value is demanding  and while we give, we have to learn to take too. Two people living in close proximity, sharing intimacy - physical and mental can need space to grow or they will  wilt. We can only love well, when we have known love - can only give, when we have something to give. Most people expect miracles in relationships. Expecting a cure for your loneliness, expecting it to be a fairy tale ending . Forgiving and moving forward, caring and more caring, listening, all the advices only work when we are fulfilled in ourselves ,Nobody completes us, nobody can.

One thing I have learnt is, love is what love does. Words are meaningless - but actions, small caring actions, thoughtfulness, respect and genuine concern for the other partner is what matters in the end.

Simply Free...

“When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.”
― Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man

Freedom is being in harmony with your true self. It is just being, with no desire to change, no conflicting emotions, just being. Freedom brings a sense of lightness, a sense of being at the right place at the right time. Freedom is feeling the sunshine on your skin,, the breeze teasing your hair... and true freedom when you are actually present in the moment , with your mind and soul all present in your experience.

There is a freedom in letting go. Freedom in letting go of a need to control, letting go of your need to control results, just letting go. Letting go of even wanting to be happy. Accepting the situation and being happy in the moment. Even if it is momentary, it is liberating to be what you truly are supposed to be, to experience this world as only you can . A fish is true only in its natural habitat, a bird only when it can fly, and we  only when we believe we have all we want to be happy in this very moment. We can only experience truly life by being ourselves.

Freedom and happiness go hand in hand. The moment I decide and choose to be happy, I am free. No ifs, and no what ifs , no past, no future - just content to experience life .We all have that choice, to just be.

It is of course easier said than done. We are always trying to save others, trying to shape our kids futures, planning our future. But every time I plan, I am tying myself down and my happiness to the outcomes that I don't actually control. Every time I live in future, I miss not being present in the now. Every time I live in past, I live in distorted memories.

Freedom comes at a price - it requires your courage, to scrape the layers of mask that you have learnt to put on and to expose yourself. You might not like what you see - you might have the mask of a beautiful dove, only to reveal a scary and ugly self or it might also be that you thought you were a mouse, but scrape to reveal that you are an eagle that can soar in the sky. The beauty is, you never know till you scrape the layers.

Freedom is something that is close to my heart - I choose  to live my life,  I choose my thoughts, and I have the freedom to change my opinions.

How I go to the woods

Ordinarily, I go to the woods alone, with not a single
friend, for they are all smilers and talkers and therefore 
unsuitable.

I don’t really want to be witnessed talking to the catbirds 
or hugging the old black oak tree. I have my way of
praying, as you no doubt have yours. 

Besides, when I am alone I can become invisible. I can sit
on the top of a dune as motionless as an uprise of weeds, 
until the foxes run by unconcerned. I can hear the almost
unhearable sound of the roses singing.

If you have ever gone to the woods with me, I must love
you very much.” 

― Mary Oliver, 

Ravages of time

Colour - wonderful colours - shades of grey, red, green, blue and browns. We all love colours in our life - different shapes, different strokes, yet when it comes to the human race , we are so eager to box the whole race into one type. It doesn't matter if it is the west or east, the fascination with our concept of physical beauty is universal. And beauty and youth go hand in hand.

Maybe youth promises us with hope, a future - and there is hardly any culture that is not in awe with it.

Every culture has its preconceived notion of  beauty , but ultimately beauty is in the eye of beholder. What pleases one's  sense of aesthetics may not be the same for other. Raised in a culture obsessed with "fair complexion", it definitely was an eyeopener to find tanning  salons promoting shades of warm browns in the western society. Ideal weight, perfect skin, beautiful hair and of course the obvious need to be recognized and appreciated  drives the wellness and beauty industry.

Beauty might be skin deep for some, but we with our innate insecurities and  our vain personalities scamper for products that are supposed to transform us into more appealing personalities. Everybody likes to be appreciated, we all have the deep desire to be accepted  and admired, even though theoretically the concept of "beauty of heart" is widely propagated and socially accepted.

Nothing puts the spotlight on beauty  more than effortless youth. Our desperate measures to hang into the last residues of youth and the ever expanding beauty industry with focus on anti-aging products all pin-point to the association of beauty with youth.

Aging is just the process of life writing its story on our body and face - all the pleasant and unpleasant events are drawn on our bodies  and face. The graying hair, the drooping eyes, sagging skin all indicators that the ravages of time are carving their own story on our bodies and are  a daily reminder of the  imminent decay the mortal being.

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

WILD GEESE

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Change of perspective

“Silverfish looked down.
"Oh. Are you a dwarf?"
Cuddy gave him a blank stare.
"Are you a giant?" He said.
"Me? Of course not!"
"Ah. Then I must be a dwarf, yes.” 
― Terry Pratchett
Attitude is how you react towards life - positive and full of gratitude or negative and bitter - life is unfair attitude. There is another aspect to life , an aspect that took me a long time to realize, it is the perspective of life. Life as we see it, relationships as we perceive it. Every object, every relationship, everything in life is based on how we perceive it  A house from 1000 feet above is going to look different. A calm lake or the soothing sound of ocean will be different from the shores than when you actually dive into it. An object under microscope is going to give you a totally different view.

Truth is  based on our perception. If we take ourselves too seriously, every slight?, every rejection will seem like end of the world. Life can be lived like a tourist - just enjoy the good parts.. after all we are just passerby, or lived like the locals... the choice is ours.

I have always had a serious  perspective of life - yes diving deep to find meanings in the depths, always ending up thought gasping for breath with nothing in hand. I have decided to change my perspective and live life- maybe on the shorelines, maybe just distancing myself and consciously be selective about the vantage points.

I want to look at life from upside down perspective - head over heals. Maybe I have been looking at it wrong all this time. Maybe we are all meant to look at it at from a viewpoint that makes us laugh... after all who knows what the truth is - and who cares. People can either be ignorant and happy or seek the truth and search for meaning and be unhappy.

So here I am - making a resolution - I am sure it is a New Year celebration somewhere in the world, to try and look at life from different perspective and same react with the same attitude of gratitude.

Glimpses of life

Hundreds of stories of joy, or success, failures and resilience. One of the best parts about my job is being a fleeting audience in the life stories of strangers. Some stories sear through your heart, others you empathize, and there few which although  beyond my comprehension, helps me peek into the human psyche. Some conversations teach you lessons that change you.

There are several lessons I have learnt from the many lives that have touched mine and compelled me in many ways to view the world with changed perspective.
1. Time is a great healer - we all find ways to cope with our grief. We live on with broken heart, some don't mend forever - yet we tie the ends and march on.
2.There is not a single soul on this earth who has not faced loss. How you react to what happens to you, is what develops your character, not what happens to you.Skip bitterness and anger and you will be rewarded with a heart filled with empathy and kindness.
3.It is never too late to walk on the path you always wanted to. If you don't limit yourself , life is yours for taking.
4. If you have people in your life who love you unconditionally - hold on to them. There are too many lonely hearts out there.
5. Be kind to all that cross your path, you never know if  you will meet them again.
6. Smile is the silent language of love and respect and a stronger communicator than words.
7. We all want the same things in life, all of us... love, health, wealth, adventure, family... if you have even two of these things in your life.. consider yourself lucky.
8. There are too many tragedies out there, every eyes has a story to tell. Listen and learn - they are all there to teach you a lesson in life and don't forget to be thankful for all that you have in life.

Finally I have learnt that resilience is what we need to keep on living -  because life doesn't stop.

Anxiety Monster

“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.”
― Kahlil Gibran

I was always under that illusion that I am strong person - that is till life started happening to me, breaking down the shell of toughness and exposing the fragile person susceptible to pain and loss. I changed- the optimistic, can conquer the world attitude evaporating into a "I can't fight it anymore. " person. Maybe it is just middle age, maybe hormonal changes or maybe I was always fragile but never knew it.

It comes, just like a drifting  cloud blocking the sun - just out of nowhere... again . The anxiety monster showing its fangs once again. It catches you unawares, and throws you off the track. The blood thirsty fangs sucking out your energy and living you scrambling for breath..Your breathing gets heavier - not in the sexy kind of way, and you can physically feel the pain in your shoulders and chest.

Where does it come from - I am not sure, but the experience can be literally nerve wrecking. I am fine one moment  and  next thing I know,  the gates of all negative energy open and come rushing in to overwhelm me.Obviously it has always been with me, leashed and hidden in the throes of my subconscious.

The issue that most people don't understand is that it is not what I want - it is not what I control. At times it takes days to build up, my mind all clouded with negative thoughts culminating in a panic attack and other times it wins me over with surprise . The trigger need not always be something of prime importance, it is just that when you are anxious, every small problem is magnified and distorted to monstrous proportions.

I am learning to deal with it - accepting that it is part of my personality to take life seriously. Being a logical person, I usually try and find a reason for my mood swings and of course being a woman helps, the fluctuations in hormones are always there to take the burn. Feeling helpless and out of control is not a place I like to be in.

I have to learn to  take life less seriously - to just let go and maybe it is time to get back into faith? Maybe having some sort of semblance and superpower backing will help me in dealing with setbacks that get magnified to disasters?

I am dealing with it - time to time - aware that it is lurking in the  dark, waiting for me to be weak to attack. Yet I know that in the end that that this too shall pass. I just need to have courage to be patient and wait for the clouds to pass to reveal the sun. I know the clouds will come again , but so long as I have the patience and wisdom to know that it cannot stay for ever - nothing does ... I shall be fine.

Celebrating Love

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
― Dr. Seuss

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
― Laozi

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”
― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

“I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.”
― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

“Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.”
― Plato

Flawed beings

Everyday is a learning process -you learn something new about yourself. We are constantly in the mode of discovering our true self. Now, it would be easier if we were one-dimensional -but we are complex beings,. I honestly feel that our desire to connect and be loved is what drives our basic nature. We are social beings and connecting with others is what gives our lives meaning. 

But to connect - truly connect with someone, to love and be loved , don't we need to know who we truly are? Until and unless we are true to ourselves, can we expect to truly love someone else? If there is one thing that is hardest to do, is to look within... and look close. We are all flawed - each one of us, some more than others, some broken, some just bruised and maybe that is what makes us so interesting. We  are a composite of contradictory emotions - each emotion  fighting for the spotlight. Ultimately we project the personality that will be most loved and accepted by others. Very few, if any, have either understood all the aspects of their  being and have the courage to expose them to the world. 

We are flawed, yet propagate perfectness.  People rarely go around willingly discussing their weaknesses. We look for perfect love - with perfect people. We hide our insecurities, our fears behind our smiles.Why won't we be fearful of others when on a subconscious level we are aware of the depths of our negativity within? 

Human beings are capable of unmentionable cruelties and have always been. Yet, we all have this infinite capability to love and care too. We have  to learn to love our broken selves, to cherish and accept it, to nurse it, to highlight our goodness, because the person you will love will be like you.....flawed and multi-dimensional. You may not see it all, just as you don't see your dark side, but loving someone, is not picking and choosing, it is accepting the whole - the warts, flaws along with the obvious goodness.

Dare to Question

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.”
― Winston S. Churchill

If there is just one piece of advice I had to give my kids, considering I am rationed for five minutes of lecture, I would say that live life courageously. There are different ways to live life - some are adventurous, some high achievers, some contemplative, and some content to go with the flow. Not all desire a fabulous life, not all desire success, not all crave for fame and wealth, but fact remains that we will be interacting with people who have different definitions of living life.

To live life on your terms, being true to your core, demands courage. Tremendous and unfailing courage. It is foolish to assume that we are indifferent to others opinions, that peer pressure doesn't exist, but to discover your true self and to stay on the course that makes you happy demands you being stronger than all the other influences in  your life. 

You are nothing without courage - living challenges  you to constantly overcome your fears. Our true essence is lost in the process of growing up - the influences and expectations of society and people around us shape our personality into something that will help in "fitting in". We are after all social animals and do value the opinion of our peers.

But to achieve something, to better the society we always need a voice of dissent - a courageous voice that will go against what is perceived as truth. Questioning age old traditions, scriptures, norms and doing so openly - requires courage. The moment you raise your head in the crowd, the moment you question beliefs, you are persecuted. Question, question every belief that has been handed down to you- question even if you can't find answers, because freedom of expression, evolved society just does not happen by itself.


Writers, thinkers and political activists deserve our salutes , they are the defenders of our right to choose- right to be different and express our opinions.