Stories we tell ourselves.

There are days when the words just stumble into written words and then there are days when I struggle to write a decent sentence. There are thoughts, thoughts waiting to rush out, to be heard, yet they are so jumbled together, so entangled together that they just make no sense.  Lately, I have been trying to change my perspective on life. Time seems to be just slipping by - I want to do so much , yet ... I find that summer is a time that shines light on this dilemma of too many things to do, and too little time. I want to watch the sunset - on the beach as well on the mountains - on the same day . Yes, this is coming from the mind of a 40 plus woman - still declared sane, and not a tantrum prone toddler. But  fact remains, that I struggle with the contradictory elements in my life. Time never seems enough.

I live in a pretty simplified life - not much socializing, no commitments that are different than others. Yet, the more I realize that life is short, the more I want to spend time doing things I want rather than I have to. I have this nasty habit of building stories. A sure sign of a born worrier. A worrier is a warrior in the sense, that you are constantly battling against yourself. You can create scenarios that end in catastrophe out of thin air, and while you are writing your eulogy ( I have done that) and mourning events that could have happened, you actually suffer.

I am learning to be more aware of my thoughts - letting it not tempt me  on free rides to hell and back . Awareness - being conscious about what you feel , literally dragging your thoughts back into the moment helps. But like everything  else in life , it demands your commitment to practice. After all the stories that we tell ourselves each day - of success or failures are what end up with in the end. We are our stories, we become our thoughts, we either sabotage our success or create a way to reach our potential.

In the meantime, if only the thoughts could write by itself - life would be so much simpler.