Dealing with Losses

Sufi saint Rumi says “Everything you lose comes back to you in a different form”



I have been going to some sessions on dealing with losses. It’s a group counseling program and what struck me foremost was that we all go through unresolved issues in life. Issues, we tend to hide under the carpet, hoping it would just disintegrate and disappear; losses, we undermine as a collateral damage to what we call living, yet there has got to be a better way to improve our quality and quantity of life.

Light and shadow, life and death, sorrow and happiness, losing and finding are all two sides of the same coin and we generally just see only one side of a coin at one time.

In today’s world, where upbeat attitude is stressed upon, it is almost a sin to talk about your negative emotions. I am basically a very serious person, who can spend hours contemplating about life and the reason we are here. But this side of my persona is hidden deep inside, because being in customer service, I smile 10 hours a day, whether I like it or not and in the quest to be accepted by others, you do tend to adopt a persona , that people like ( me too – I love people with sense of humor). Yet, there are times when all I want is to discuss my fears and anxiety and feeling of sadness. Being positive is not being happy all the time – if you are doing that, you are all set for a big meltdown. Having a positive outlook is about how fast you recover from your negative feelings. And that cannot happen without acknowledging it, and treating it with respect - giving it time to go. Practicing gratitude and genuine compassion, always helps you to adopt a positive outlook.



Welcome all that comes in your life with open arms, because it is not going to stay there for long – whether the situation is happy or sad, everything changes. Pretending to smile when things go wrong is not being strong – it only makes life easier for others, but definitely destroys your body gradually and over the period your soul. How will we know happiness, if we don’t allow ourselves to feel sadness? In a society that encourages being brave and strong is defined as not showing any weakness; crying or expressing anxiety or pain is certainly discouraged. Right from childhood we are taught that smile and the world smiles with you cry and you cry alone - yet isn’t crying a natural emotion? Aren’t fear, anger and anxiety natural? Acknowledge your negative feelings, treat them with respect – its part of you and wait In our blind pursuit for “happiness”, we end up feeling numb; our lives like the calm lake hiding all the unsightly weeds deep in its heart, only no one can see it.



To deal with your demons, you have it face it in the eye. This can only happen when you spend time reflecting your emotions, keep stock of your memories honestly and how it molded you.





”. It took me a while to understand the meaning of this – but in some ways it is true.

Back To Life! A Personal Grief Guidebook

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My relationship with Facebook

I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. I am a regular user – and by regular I mean if they were to give frequent users Airmile points, I definitely would be able to buy a ticket for anywhere in the world.  I love the fact that I am connected to all my long lost friends, love being part of  celebrations  and the fact that all the people known to me are on this one shared platform.

. Like any other relation, there are times when my relationship with Facebook is almost on the verge of break-up, but then better sense prevails and I give it another try, considering that it is my only source of free entertainment and I also feel it encourages sheer laziness too. Now, if I want to share good news, I don’t email anyone; just post it on your status. Also, where else can I get to see cool travel pictures and connect with so many long lost friends – you get the picture.

There are some pet peeves though.

Ø      Repost status: This of course takes the cake. It is, as if someone is forcing me at gunpoint to post something I don’t want to. If you love your brother/mother/father/husband/cousin, you will re-post this or else –the implied threat infuriates me to no end. So, if I re-post the one for father, I am obligated to follow up with all the other relations.  The only ones I re-post is the one for missing kids and pets, because they make sense to me. The rest, forget it.

Ø      Religious and political views: I absolutely dislike when people post something promoting their religion and their beliefs and in some case sermonizing about it. I might be guilty of doing the same to some extent too. But then who is perfect?

Ø      Likes: They should put a ceiling on how many likes you put on a post, especially a photo. I still haven’t figured out how many likes are polite for some posts. Is it rude of me for instance, not to like a friends post because he/she liked my last status or photo, or is it acceptable to ignore them?

Ø      Absolutely rude comments: People often forget that the audience of your comment is not just your object, but hundreds of other people.  I had my share of rude comments.

Ø      Blatant bragging: No one posts the hardships or the tough times they face. If I were to accept all the posts on Facebook at face value, I would be doomed and am sure to spiral into depression. There should be a limit on how many trips, happy news you can post in a month.

All said and done, till I am rich enough for some other form of entertainment, I will stick with Facebook – and like a good citizen of the social media, respect other people’s views and shares!

Some wise quotes

There is a saying in Tibetan that “at the door of the miserable rich man sleeps the contented beggar.” The point of this saying is not that poverty is a virtue, but that happiness does not come from wealth, but from setting limits to one’s desires, and living within those limits with satisfaction.




“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”



What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.



“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”



“My actions are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand.”



The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.”

―

Do not say that I'll depart tomorrow because even today I still arrive.”



We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us



“Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. ”

The Bollywood Therapy

I had a non-Indian customer asking me if I could recommend some authentic Bollywood movies - she needed to have a good cry and relax. Most people will recommend comedies for a good laugh to de-stress, but apparently some find a good tearjerker movie to be equally therapeutic. We all need a good cry every now and then and believe me some of the Hindi movies are made specifically designed and researched to trigger your tear glands.  

It is this universal appeal of the Hindi movies that intrigues me. I grew up with a love-hate relationship with Hindi movies, comparing it to the technically advanced movies of the west and especially since it was fashionable to show your disdain towards entertainment that had mass appeal. Yet, over the years, I have learnt to appreciate and respect the attributes that is so distinctively Bollywood, and appeals to people from Africa, Middle East and Far East– language no barrier.

Here are some of the quirks that define Bollywood movies – without them, the movies would be just another movie – not Hindi movie that we grew up watching and share a love and hate relationship with.

1. Songs and dances. : You cannot have a Hindi movie without songs and dance and that is rule number one – rule This is the first quality that defines Hindi movies.  It doesn’t matter what is the genre of the movie, it is always a musical. The genres can be comedy, action, adventure, horror, romance – they are all seasoned with songs and dance.
2. Glamour and fantasy land: Nothing cheers the heart and pleases the eyes more than beautiful people in beautiful surroundings. Imagine spending 12$ and you not only get to hear great music with dance+fights+beautiful locales (doesn’t matter if the story is based in rural India – you can always dream and fantasize right?), but also if you are lucky, the story line might entertain you as well (make you cry).
3. Melodrama/ Emotional: Most Hindi movies have at least one scene that will trigger tears and if the film is a romantic/family drama, you will be sobbing your heart out! It’s as if the writers and directors have perfected the science of making people universally cry.
4. Black and white: Everything is good or evil – rarely will you find characters that are grey.  And good here means -sacrifice – how else do you think you will cry? Evil is generally just that – a cruel and brutal villain or a conniving vamp.
5. Family:  Hindi movies are a vehicle to promote family values and most do just that. You can have a thriller, even a horror movie, but in the end they all wind up being in the “drama” category.

So, if you feel the need to give your brain a break, and indulge your eyes and ears – go ahead and rent out some good Hindi movies; there are tons on Netflix too.

Check out this link www.cuppax.in/topmovies.php for the top 100 Hindi movies. And if you really are in the mood to cry – go ahead and rent anyone of those –they are guaranteed to wet your eyes. So keep the popcorn and Kleenex handy.  

An Immigrant's Story

 I love a good story and as a result of my job, I have come across some very inspiring and interesting ones. I meet people from literally every section of the society, no filters (robbers/shoplifters/ex-convicts included) no restrictions – okay you now know that I work in a convenience store/ gas station.  Among all the stories, there  are some that strike a chord with you.
Canada, my adopted country ,by choice, is a home to immigrants from 200 countries. We all come from different cultures and speak different languages. But there is something universal to all of us, who are first generation immigrants that distinguish us from others. We are united in our shared story of constant struggle to assimilate in a new society.  We all deal with the same yearnings for the place that holds the memories of our childhood and youth and that defines us.
As a woman, I feel the pain of some women estranged  from their families, living in the hope of being reunited with their children, some struggling to keep their religious values and families together, but most trying to strike a  balance between keeping alive the past memories and building a new life. There are times, when your years of previous experience conflicts with your current life and that’s the challenge we all face.
Friends from Ethiopia,Albania,Germany,Japan,India,Iraq, and Iran- all share the same predicament of sharing their loyalties. All immigrants share same story of how the allure of good life, security and in some cases just a safe haven from violence in homeland that brought us here. We all want our kids to adopt to the new country, but at the same time face the uphill task of them not forgetting their roots.
We all appreciate the good life our adopted home gives us, (there’s a reason we all are here) it’s hard not to with the country being so beautiful and inviting. Yet, even people who have lived here for 40 years, still pine for  their homeland, and this yearning for times gone by, with the appreciation of the good life we lead here,  is the paradox that  unifies all the first generation immigrants.
Here are some tips to adjust to your new life:

1. Remember what brought you here in the first place. Appreciate and be grateful for what you have.
2. This yearning; this feeling of incompleteness is going to stay with us all the time. Learn to live with it.
3. Don’t forget your roots. Sometimes in our enthusiasm to be accepted, we forget our roots. It took me a while to admit that we had no clue about football or ice hockey and to feel no shame in it. People value honesty.
4. Don’t look back because the memories in your heart are from another era. Just rejoice in it, but please don’t compare it to the new life. The reason you came was because obviously you were dissatisfied with some aspects of your native country.
5. Get rid of your prejudices. It’s wiser to start your new life with an open mind and embrace all the differences without any preconceived notions.
6. Accept you are no different from other immigrants – new beginnings are tough on everyone, so self-pity will get you no where.
7. Ask help – There is no harm in asking for help. Let go of your ego and you will meet some great people and although you will always miss your homeland, these tips will make life easier.

Tips to Serenity

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Sunday , my day off from work, a day to relax and recharge my batteries, but of course it is also the day when I do all my housework for the week - laundry, cooking, cleaning - you get the gist. The reason I get more frazzled on my day off is because my heart's desire to relax is in conflict with my brain’s “to do list". On a nice sunny day, I would rather sit out and soak in some sunshine than clean the bathroom.

Of course I do have my cup of tea and relax and if time permits watch a favorite show on T.V. too. I do all this, yet, it never seems enough. In today's world, where multi-tasking is the order of the day, even when you sit down and have your cup of tea, your mind is elsewhere. Have you noticed how rare it is that we physically do only one task at a time? If you are like me, I fold my clothes while watching T.V, cook while talking to kids , listen to music while driving, talk on phone while walking – the list is endless. In spite of all the gadgets and appliances to make living easier, time is still at premium. Sometimes, I do wonder, aren’t we just rushing through our life to our death? Isn’t there a way where we can improve the quality of our life? I remember it just like yesterday, when I wanted to be 16 and then 21 and here I am now in 40s.

Here are some of the tips I feel helps me calm down:


Mindfulness: Be present “now”, focusing 100% on whatever you are doing. For instance, spare 10 minutes everyday to just enjoy your cup of tea or coffee. When you are drinking your tea/coffee, be aware of every nuance of it. Drink it as if it’s your last cup on the earth. You can extend this to any activity you enjoy – give it your 100%.

Solitude: I am basically a person who loves to be with people. But recently, due to the nature of my job, there are at times hours when I am all by myself. Initially, it perturbed me , but over a period of time, I have learnt to appreciate my time alone with myself for this is the time when I can contemplate and just be “me”. Practice this with short periods of time –and you will learn to understand why it is so important.

Meditation: This is taking mindfulness to the next level. I always thought that meditation was sitting in one place, cross-legged, eyes closed and thinking about God. Never could do it. For me meditation is just watching sunset – or maybe watching the leaves fall or the water flowing down the river. I am not sure there is any term for this “nature meditation “, it sure does help.

Breathe: Like the song says “Just Breathe”. Everyday when things seem to be overwhelming – do just that –focus on your breathing. Couple of deep breaths through the day should help.

Playing a musical instrument, knitting, sewing , repairing a machine, writing, – any activity that you love doing and which requires your full attention helps.Click Here!

Developing Positive Attitude

"All wrong-doing arises because of mind. If mind is transformed can wrong-doing remain?" Buddha




There are days, when nothing seems to be going right, days when you wake up worrying about your future. We are human beings and I believe its okay to be sad and cry at times. Being positive is not about having negative thoughts at all, but about how easily you forgive yourself and get back on your feet again. We all have the good and bad in us, the negative and positive energy, like yin and yang, light and shadow; the challenge is to recognize the good , and nurture it and to weed out the negative thoughts consistently. Here are some facts that will help you become positive. Remember ;Happiness is just an emotionand it is impossible for you to be happy all the time.

Mental good health is not being positive all the time or smiling all the time, but how quickly you recover from all the negativity. Spirituality and mental health go hand in hand and you have to always keep on practising it. Move ahead like flowing water and you will be clear and clean, be still and stuck in your negative thoughts and you will be stagnant.



Sit and breathe - just focus on breathing - I can't do this for than a minute , but its reassuring to know that if you are breathing, you are alive and if you are alive the possibilities are endless.



Practicing gratitude is most important, count your blessings everyday, right from the food you eat to the people you interact with to every single breath you take.



Forgive yourself Remember we are humans, its okay to be sad, to cry , to cleanse away all your pains. And after you are done with crying, being angry and when you are ready , try the above steps to get faith back in your life.



Everything is in your head - if you can control the train of your thoughts you can conquer anything.



Sometimes its better to go with the flow - trying to hard to change your situation can lead to frustration.



Patience is a very underrated virtue and goes hand in hand with faith.



Positive attitude can only be developed if you practice gratitude, have faith and realize that you are not the only one suffering and of course practicing kindness and altruism helps too.

Career Change in 40s

 Some people are lucky, as they know what they want early in life. I have always been the indecisive one,  and of course being inherently lazy means I am not easily motivated.  My mother was a homemaker and a good one, and trying to mold my life according to her approval hasn’t exactly been stress free. Lately, due to change in financial status, or maybe just the realization that I just have maybe another 20 years of productive life, has made me think. In some ways, I have been forced to contemplate on my choices over the years and how my profound fear of failure has stunted my growth as an individual.

Women when they reach 40s, enter into a comfort zone. This is the beginning of era, when you learn from your past mistakes and make peace with yourself. I have learnt to understand and work around my limitations. I have now the wisdom of 40 years and know better than to look for approval and have reached a sort of happy zone. I have learnt to enjoy my own company, am not apologetic for losing my cool at times, and have managed to get the constantly nagging guilt conscience under control to a certain extent. As women, we deal with guilt all our lives – but then that’s a whole different topic.

Professionally though, my current status would be “work in progress” or more rightly “transition mode”. I am in the process of selling my business and on a lookout for a job. It took me 41 years to realize what I really want to do. It’s funny, because I remember when I was 18 years and wanted to be a psychologist, I was dissuaded by friends and family. Not that I blame them, I recently did the same with my older son.  Now years later, that’s the career that I am still interested in. I know, doing my graduation or masters would cost me a lot of money , which I cannot afford it right now, so am thinking of  (procrastinating)  of taking up diploma or certification in counseling. In the meantime, while I am still working at the store, I am job hunting. The fact that my kids are older   and independent, factors in heavily with the options I can choose now.

It’s not easy to find jobs when you haven’t upgraded your skill set in years, just because you didn’t need to. I have  experienced  this the hard way, that while you were growing older, there were youngsters entering the job market, who were more presentable and energetic than you. If my experience has been in customer service for last 10 years, and although that sufficed over the years, it’s very important to keep learning and growing and adding new skills if I have to survive a layoff. The job market , in slow economy especially , is harsher for people in this age group.

Steps for a career change in 40s would be:

Analyze your desire for change:  In my case, although the desire for change was dormant for years, I am literally pushed by my circumstances to choose a new career. Losing your job/ failing business can all ring in new opportunities and you into making choices you have been avoiding for years.  Sometimes, you need to shaken up from the trance we call life and explore avenues beyond our comfort zone.

Plan your change: You might decide to take a year off, or you just choose to retire, or change careers, whatever the choice you make, chalk out a long term plan. The last thing you want is to change course again in a couple of years or regret living your present life. Of course there are times when things just fall into place.

Be Ready: Once you have planned out your change/exit, be prepared to live with the consequences of your action.  It would be a fallacy to expect all your problems to go away or you to be in a euphoric state all the time just because your action. Being realistic (which in my case is far from true) rather than idealistic, helps in you being prepared for the disappointments that’s bound to occur.

As for me, I do have a certain plan, and its going to take time. But years of living has engrained a respect for time and patience. I am not even targeting for a career growth at the moment My plan right now is to list my business for sale and in the meantime look for a job, and I might end up with just a minimum wage paying job, but at least it will keep our head over water and knowing that I have something better planned should make things bearable. .

I know it’s not going to be a cakewalk getting back into the job market especially since I have always worked in a family business with lot of flexibility and the fear of failing, of being stifled has always restrained me from exploring new ventures, but it’ now time to strike on my own and this is a first step in the right direction. I still don’t if I will follow my dream of being a counselor, sometimes self-doubt can be a hindrance. I would really appreciate if anyone reading this has passed through this stage and what are your views on this.

How to deal with Sibling Rivalry

How many times have you heard your child say “You love him/her more than me?” I am 41 and I still sometimes complain to my mom that she loves my brother more. I understand being a mother now that although a mothers love is going to be the same for all the kids, but compatibility can differ. You can love someone but not get along. My litmus test for things being right is asking each one the question, whom do you think mom loves best?  And when each replies "Me" - I know I am on the right track. All kids need to feel secure in their parents love and have a high self-esteem to have healthy relations with each other. Sibling rivalry cannot be completely avoided, but definitely can be managed.


There are some ways you can handle sibling rivalry if it is going out of hand.



1. Don’t take sides: Whenever the boys fight, I refuse to take sides. Its like either both take the heat or none. Listen both sides – if someone complains “He hit me first”, I will always ask “What did you do?” . If you have to interfere, make sure you are fair – always listen both sides before you take action. It’s very easy to just scold the perpetrator, but don’t forget the instigator is equally responsible.

2. Teach them conflict resolution: Right from the time they were 8 and 5, I have taught them to resolve their own problems. Don’t solve every problem for them. Asking them to think “how can they solve their problem” always help. If one of the siblings is not sharing the toy, ask the other one, how he can get him to share it. Maybe by exchanging toys, maybe by compromising (you play for an hour/ I for an hour) etc. Make sure they think out the options.

3. Remind of their love: This is what I learnt from my mom. Every time my younger son gets upset with the older one, I will remind him of the time he was helped by his sibling or the times when he took care of him. The same when the older one complains, I remind him of the time his younger brother didn’t go for a movie because the older was grounded. Reinforce the positive memories always.

4. Celebrate their uniqueness: I call one the heart and the other the brain of the family. They both have their unique place in the family. We often spend time (once a month) together as a family, where each one of us tries to guess other persons favorite things, or tell each other the qualities they like best in the other person. This exercise highlights the positive traits in each one.. You can also do this when you are driving your kids to school. Just beware, that you don’t go into the danger zone about negative traits , because its very easy for you or the kid to go “I like that you are helpful, but ……”

5. Unity: United they win and divided they fall. I have always taught the kids to stand up to each other – tattletale is not rewarded. Whenever the fight seems to go out of hand, they either resolve it or they both lose the privileges – no video games. So, it’s them against us – which works all the time.

6. Respect: They need to learn to respect each other. Insults are not tolerated, no matter what. Calling names is okay to a certain extent, but there is a limit to it. Make sure the kids know the boundaries and what is acceptable.



Sibling rivalry can be healthy, but always look out for signs when someone is being abused or bullied. Encourage open communication by LISTENING. As parents we communicate by talking (lecturing), but listening is more important. So, Listen and chalk out the rules of the family and make sure all your kids feel and know they are equally loved. You are the mediator and it’s up to you to communicate the affection and good times the children have spent together.

Smile its Life

http://astore.amazon.com/lifehapp0f-20

Sometimes its so easy to get bogged down with all the responsibilities, the expectations we have about our life, that we forget that we are just travelers passing by and to enjoy this journey, we have to be good travelers.



Life is precious, we are important, we are unique, and these are the very statements that inflate our self-importance and ego. Self-importance leads to comparisons, which leads to envy and sometimes better than thou attitude. I am definitely grateful to be alive and enjoying this beautiful planet and the priceless relationships and friendships, but am learning to be a good traveler, I should not ignore where this journey ends. Here are the five things that help me face the life truths and bring me back on track



Life is greater than us. : We are just a speck in this mighty universe. The world doesn’t stop of us – life doesn’t stop for us. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or self-pity , I just sit under the stars and realize that my problems really don’t matter . The mountains, the ocean waves, the stars were all there before me and are going to be there always .



Change is the only thing permanent: We always assume life is going to remain the way it is – especially the good times. I remember how I eager I was to grow up and be an adult – and now I wonder what was the rush. Whether we like it or not, change is part of life, change is the law of universe and we should be prepared for it always, especially when times are good.



Contentment is underrated: In our western society, contentment is definitely not considered a virtue. We are always in the improvement mode – always improving – either our bodies, or our face or our smile or trying to improve our brain. The day we learn to accept ourselves just the way we are, we are peace.



Humor: To really enjoy the journey, make light of your problems, laugh and smile a lot. Laugh and the world laughs with you – cry and you cry alone. Surround yourself with people and things that make you laugh and smile, if not learn to laugh at yourself.




Live in the present: I hear so many people my age talking getting all nostalgic about college and school days or looking at pictures of children when they were babies, I rarely do it. Somehow, the present, no matter how tough it is (believe me it is), is still where I want to live. I realize the more I dwell in the past, the more miserable I get. Learn to live and enjoy every minute of the present.

Making Marriage Work

Is marriage a gamble? Life is constantly changing and it is foolish to expect people to remain the same .Its not definitely by chance that people have successful relationships that last decades. Luck does play a factor in finding you a compatible partner who you can love and who loves you, but for this love to translate into a successful and profitable partnership involves hard work.


Marriage is a partnership, a synergistic relation, which if nurtured with love, respect and time can empower you and be a blessing ,if not make life hell for you. And like Mark Twain says “Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century”. The challenge is for the relation to not only survive but, to thrive till it reaches “the perfect love”.

Some things that you can do to increase the odds are:

Love and Respect: Romantic love does not last for everyone through the years. In fact if your perception of marriage is that even after 10 years you are going to share the same intensity of romantic love, you are bound to be disappointed. Marriage lasts when you both respect each other as individuals and respect means giving space to grow. If you share respect even when you are really mad at each other you will think twice before uttering words you will regret.

Honesty and Trust: Trust you have to gain and of course maintain. There will be times when you feel betrayed, times when you are hurt, but if the relationship is based mostly on honesty, it can survive anything.

Communication: Now that’s one factor which is very complicated, because women and men communicate differently. Women are more expressive, prone to details and dare I say exaggeration. Men stick to facts. If both understand that we are different it makes life easier. This is where physical intimacy comes in – nothing says I love your better than a passionate kiss or better still making love.

Compatibility: This should have been the first factor, but being a product of successful arranged marriage, I believe you are as compatible as you want to be. If you share the core values and views about life, you can ride through every wave in life.

Humour: Never underestimate the power of sense of humor in a relationship. You have to take every impediment that comes your way lightly.


Spring clean: Yes every now and then you need to take a stock of your relationship. Take stock of where things stand too; wipe the dust of your relation before it sets in too deep.

I seriously believe that these are essentials in having a successful marriage, because marriage is not just love and passion, it’s a journey with a promise to be together.

Declutter Your Life

Why is life so uncomplicated for children and seems so tough for us? In today’s busy life, when it’s not just necessary to keep up appearances with neighbors and relatives, but also with the extended social network, life can get overwhelming. Here are some of the steps that bring some sanity back to my life.




Get your priorities right: Make a list of things that you really value and love. That should be the reason for all that you do. It might be music, your career or in my case it’s my family. Time is the only commodity that you can’t buy back, so be very careful who or how you spend it When we get our priorities right in life, you have a reason for every decision you take and life becomes more focused and easier to manage.



Learn to say “no”: There are so many unnecessary things that complicate our life, our so called “Friends”, stuff we buy, long dead emotions that we keep alive, unresolved issues and other emotional baggage that are redundant and not relevant in our life now. Make a list of things/people that don’t bring joy in your life. Do you really need them – how much time/energy do you spend on them? Learn to say no to people and issues that don’t matter and simplify your life.



Organize your Life: It’s so easy to drift away, to get carried away – maybe its shopping, maybe its forming relations, adding “friends” on Facebook etc. After you have weeded out the unnecessary, make sure to keep it simple and organized. Keep limited space in closet – limited hangers, if you buy something new; be sure to discard something old. Nurture yourself and your relationships to develop healthy self-esteem.



Develop simple pleasures: The best things in life are free. Learn to enjoy the sunsets, the flower in the garden or simply the chirping of the birds or simply browsing through some old pictures. Develop relations that are meaningful, to be embraced in positive energy and love.



Give up: Sometimes you have to give up on old habits in order to make life easier. I had the habit of cooking every meal fresh, but when I got busier, just trying to keep up with it everyday got me frustrated. I had to find a happy medium of prepping for the meals on the weekends and delegating more chores to the kids. Flexibility and compromise definitely help in simplifying life.

Stop The Clutter Bug! - Easy Tips To Declutter And Simplify Your Life

Learn Easy Tips To Declutter. Get Organized And Declutter Your Home Quickly And Easily.

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Lessons from nature

Last Sunday, after almost four straight weeks of work, I finally took a day off. It was a perfect spring day, no rain which is a huge relief for someone living on the West Coast. I love being outdoors , but unfortunately time and weather can be impediments to enjoying the beautiful city I live in.

There is something about nature -which calms me down. Maybe like a puzzle piece fitting right into the bigger picture,I feel that I have come home. The rustling of trees, the rushing water, the smoothed out rocks, the tall trees trying to touch the sky all make me realize, how small I am, yet paradoxically how limitless. I didn't do much - just walking down the path along the river, sitting and watching how the water works its  way around the water, not stopping,not fighting , but working around, hugging the rocks, yet flowing and a realization dawned on me - this is the way to live. Work around your problems, sometimes it is in your favour to go with the flow.

If there are some lessons to learn from nature  it would be :

Change: Every season  reminds us, that change is universal and the same law applies to us. Nothing stays the same - no matter how bitter the winter, it does have to end into spring , and no matter how beautiful the fall , it leads to winter.
Cycle : Walking down the woods, you see new trees growing on trees that have decayed. Every death gives birth to something new and wonderful. Every end has a new beginning.
Patience :Everything takes time. Flowers don't bloom instantly, trees don't bear fruits immediately. In fact the longer you have to wait for something, the longer it lasts. Flowers that take shorter time to bloom , wilt earlier.
Interdependence: Birds build nests on trees, bees help pollinate, every being is dependent on someone else to lead a fulfilling life. We would be fools to believe we can live isolated - no one can.
Work : All creatures have to work for their food and shelter. Right from a bird building its nest, to the lion hunting for its next meal. Food is there, but believing we are priveleged to not work for it , is our fallacy.

And finally, nature teaches us to go with the flow. We would be much happier if we could live in the present moment without comparing it to the past or expecting anything from  it for the future.

Good Parenting Tips

It is said Life is what happens when you are waiting for your plans to come through. Right from the moment we are born, our parents start making plans for us, deciding on the school, dreaming about how our life is going to be different and better than theirs. After all,  isn’t this what every parent wants – a better life for their children. We all want to protect our children from the evils lurking in the dark, from pain that we have been through.



So how do you make your kid ready for this journey called “life”? I believe kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. I have seen parents bending backwards to fulfill their kids demands, driving around from one class to another , paying through their nose to get them into private schools and much worse, plan their life . There is nothing wrong with doing this – after all we are parents, but honestly in the long run does it all matter?



Raising two boys of my own, I do tend to get worried about their making wrong choices, of succeeding in school and so on and forth. But one thing I have realized is that all things are in our control. Here are some of the things which I do believe that we can do to get our kids ready for “life”.



Making  them independent:. This is the only job we need to worry about. Being independent financially and emotionally should be the goal of every parent. We can do this by entrusting them with responsibilities. Depending on the age and the how mature they are, trust them with responsibilities – starting from taking out garbage or making their own bed.



Listening: The first step in communication is listening. Generally parents talk and fail to listen. Kids are very upfront, but given a chance can also be prone to lying. Listen to what they say and what they don’t say.



Encourage Critical Thinking: There was this wonderful book I had read long ago in which the author tells about encouraging the kids to make decisions. Kids need not be a copy of us, let them develop their own thoughts and views, let them Think.



Guide them: You are their guide, help them define what is right and what is wrong. We need kids who grow up to have strong ethical values. I have very strong feelings about this issue and feel that this is something every parent needs to instill in their child. Life has many grey areas and at times it’s not easy to choose the right path.



Give them Space : Sometimes, in our urge to protect kids, we tend to smother them with our love. Kids need space, they need time – free time where nothing is planned for them.



Respect: This is especially true with teens. If you have raised your child up well with good values, you shouldn’t have a problem in this regard. Give respect; take respect .works well even with kids. Kids need to know how to respect themselves; and parents are the first adults who can teach them how to do so.



Humor: Teach them to deal with adverse conditions lightly. Life can get very overwhelming for kids just going out in the world, facing disappointments and disillusions, but one trait that can help them deal with it is humor. Teach your kids that this is a journey and laughter makes this journey fun.



There are other things too that we can do in this journey where they discover themselves and get them prepared for dealing with the uncertainties of life.

Best Gifts for Mothers

My list of 10 Best Gifts for Mothers




Mother’s day should be all about celebrating womanhood. I would rather have the time and day for things that I love than what commercials on T.V assume I will enjoy. Here is a list of my favorite gifts.



1. Books: Nothing says “relax “better than a good book or good music. And guess what a mother needs most for mother’s day “Relaxation and Appreciation”. So set her a good read or music album with a bottle of good wine or flowers and see a smile straight from heart.

2. Spa coupon: – or better still make an appointment and make sure she gets there.

3. Flowers: Her favorite flowers and if you are not sure pick out flowers that will last longer. Mother’s day is supposed to be all about her. Doesn’t have to be just roses, anything that she loves.

4. Potted plants: Orchids are perfect; they are beautiful and last long. Potted herbs would also be appreciated by a green thumb.

5. Lunch /Dinner: Meal at home would be more appreciated, rather than going out when it’s so busy. Cook if you have time or order in, but make sure she doesn’t have to do any cleaning afterwards. Also personal touches like candles and decorating the table makes a mother feel appreciated.

6. Sharing your time: Do an activity she enjoys together – maybe bowling, golfing, a concert or if she is like me a picnic at the lake. Nothing is more precious than time and giving her your full undivided attention will definitely make her smile.

7. Write a letter: Or if you can make a scrapbook of old pictures chronicling the important events you both shared together or enlarge and frame a precious memory of your both together.

8. Book a maid for the day – nothing cheers a mother up than entering into a sparkling clean house smelling of fresh flowers.

9. Give her the gift certificate of her favorite clothing store and then take her shopping out there.

10. Box of chocolates, perfumes, jewelry, purse, scarves, watches, cosmetics, candles, spa products, sun glares, gift sets are other choices.



Whatever you do, make sure you are present with her in mind and body and let her know how much she is appreciated !