Sufi saint Rumi says “Everything you lose comes back to you in a different form”
I have been going to some sessions on dealing with losses. It’s a group counseling program and what struck me foremost was that we all go through unresolved issues in life. Issues, we tend to hide under the carpet, hoping it would just disintegrate and disappear; losses, we undermine as a collateral damage to what we call living, yet there has got to be a better way to improve our quality and quantity of life.
Light and shadow, life and death, sorrow and happiness, losing and finding are all two sides of the same coin and we generally just see only one side of a coin at one time.
In today’s world, where upbeat attitude is stressed upon, it is almost a sin to talk about your negative emotions. I am basically a very serious person, who can spend hours contemplating about life and the reason we are here. But this side of my persona is hidden deep inside, because being in customer service, I smile 10 hours a day, whether I like it or not and in the quest to be accepted by others, you do tend to adopt a persona , that people like ( me too – I love people with sense of humor). Yet, there are times when all I want is to discuss my fears and anxiety and feeling of sadness. Being positive is not being happy all the time – if you are doing that, you are all set for a big meltdown. Having a positive outlook is about how fast you recover from your negative feelings. And that cannot happen without acknowledging it, and treating it with respect - giving it time to go. Practicing gratitude and genuine compassion, always helps you to adopt a positive outlook.
Welcome all that comes in your life with open arms, because it is not going to stay there for long – whether the situation is happy or sad, everything changes. Pretending to smile when things go wrong is not being strong – it only makes life easier for others, but definitely destroys your body gradually and over the period your soul. How will we know happiness, if we don’t allow ourselves to feel sadness? In a society that encourages being brave and strong is defined as not showing any weakness; crying or expressing anxiety or pain is certainly discouraged. Right from childhood we are taught that smile and the world smiles with you cry and you cry alone - yet isn’t crying a natural emotion? Aren’t fear, anger and anxiety natural? Acknowledge your negative feelings, treat them with respect – its part of you and wait In our blind pursuit for “happiness”, we end up feeling numb; our lives like the calm lake hiding all the unsightly weeds deep in its heart, only no one can see it.
To deal with your demons, you have it face it in the eye. This can only happen when you spend time reflecting your emotions, keep stock of your memories honestly and how it molded you.
”. It took me a while to understand the meaning of this – but in some ways it is true.
Back To Life! A Personal Grief Guidebook
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