Battling demons

Every now and then we go through a low phase in life. Times when we feel less optimistic about the future, doubt the reason for our very existence and let the evil monster of self-doubt take control of our life. I personally feel doubts, and negative thoughts are manifestation of devil - leading to the path of destruction. The problem with negative thoughts are that they are more powerful that positive thoughts. They need no invitation, and sneak into your being when you are weak and down, low on strength. They are like the dark clouds, blocking the source of light, just hovering over you , and slowly draining you out of all the joys in life. I find that these monsters are stubborn and need all your efforts to tame, especially when you are already low on resources to fight them.

Loss of confidence, fear and distrust all go hand in hand. At times they find a way to seep into your very essence, making your heart so heavy that there seems to be no way to escape - just the helpless feeling to sink into - and drown. Just like when you are trapped in a quicksand, fighting without any help will only quicken the end. Grab a hand, grab on any twine of hope, any glimmer of self-love and slowly but surely there would be a way out of the mess.

Self-love is the first step towards positive thinking.To see life without any distortions, to see its beauty,  we need to  see it with eyes wide open, and in bright light. In the dark even the most beautiful things can appear to be scary. If the window to let in the light seems to be too tight to open, take help . Seeking help from someone you trust, is the second step. It is no easy to find beauty in living when your mind has been taken over by thoughts that are bent on destroying you.

Faith gives us the strength to lift ourselves out of the quicksand. Hang in there, let the wave of fear come and go, listen to your heart knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Reminding yourself that inspite of what the negative thoughts would have you believe, there is goodness in living, there is joy and nobody, nobody controls your mind. The fight is long , the battles might leave you weak in spirit, but fact remains that to build strength you have to keep on breaking and recreating.

Alone Time

For the  longest time, I considered myself to be an outgoing individual,relishing in human companionship, an extrovert. Yet as I am discovering myself, I am realizing that there are signs  that the opposite might just be true.I detest  large gatherings, can barely make it through a wedding, and hardly have any acquaintances- most of the people I interact with outside of work are close friends- some closer than others, but nevertheless, people I trust. I am not part of any group, have never been, no parties, no gatherings, am even vary of going to temple when it is crowded, yet enjoy social interactions. This confusing aspect was resolved when I realized that the people I interacted with were all those whom I trusted, a few close friends scattered all over the world.

We are of course a bundle of contradictions - contradictions essential to balance our lives and that was one of the reasons it took me a long time to accept that I am an introvert .
 Introverts are not always engrossed in books - though they would prefer that rather than dealing with meaningless social engagements, but they are people who shy from limelight, prefer to shine in their own light.

It is not easy for people to understand the need of an introvert to spend time in solitude. enjoy the company of  friends.The struggle to fit into the expectations of society, forcing myself to fit into a group (no groups - cultural or otherwise) conflicted with what I truly desired - company of people I could just be myself.

Any introvert will tell you that society is not so kind if you don't fit into what  is normal and extroversion is generally considered to be normal. Introverts are private, individualistic, a little eccentric maybe, and don't be fooled by the boisterous behavior, the masks are ready for every occasion to hide behind.

Harmony

What happens when the head starts ruling over the heart? Head is strong, logical, reasonable and deals in fact. There are some situations in life where if the head didn't rule over the heart, people would get hurt. Yet, at times, we need to take action without needing approval of the head. Brain is limited, but powerful, heart is limitless and powerless. When we let our love rule, we let the heart take over our logic, we let go of judgement. We turn into someone who is accepting, forgiving and kind.

Seeing a beggar on the street, logically, it would be appropriate to just ignore and walk away- after all logical rules that if you help him, you are encouraging him to beg. Yet, the heart questions, would I still be called human if I can just walk away without remorse seeing someone in such distress? 

The balance between using our brain and heart is delicate. We humans tend to focus more on intelligence than matters of heart, often forgetting that it is the heart that differentiates us from the robots. Encouraging people to be more empathetic, is possible only when we come out of our cocoon of self-importance. Only when we expand our ego to include others can we feel other people's pain. Empathizing is what keeps us real and connected to other human beings.

Let the heart rule over the brain , as long as it takes into account other people's pain and happiness. Selfish decisions callous of other people's feelings are just that - selfish. Decisions taken from heart are supposed to be inclusive of other people, because rash decisions leads to momentary happiness, which  often ends in  long term regrets and pain.

Making peace with your past.

A man cannot free himself from the past more easily than he can from his own body.  ~André Maurois

When you are surging ahead in life and  there is not time to look back, you simply assume that you have come so far away from your past that it no longer matters. Often in our quest to lead a better present and even happier future, we tend to underestimate the power of our past. All we read and hear these days makes me feel like the past is something that you just erase and replace it with the present. Yet how far is this actually from truth? 

Can we really move forward without making peace with our past? Is our past really something we leave behind, or is it so etched into our souls that it is actually a part of our present? After all aren't we made up of all all the bits and pieces of of our past events and reactions?

I personally feel, just like the flowing water, just like the river, we collect the sand, pebbles, some dirt, some leaves, some happy and some painful memories, along our journey. Some we leave behind, and some even though we would like forget, we carry with us till the end. Our past is a part of us - a part of who we are and we cannot negate it. All our mistakes, all the missed opportunities, all the regrets  are like the fragrance of perfume -you cannot see it,but sense it. It is foolish to assume that we can switch off our emotions and fears, just like that. All our reactions in present is based on what we experienced in the past . Yet we are more than what happens to us - we are more than what destiny has stored for us. We have the infinite 

Stop, and look back - stare fearlessly into the demons of your past- let the fears, let the pain and the regrets die a natural death. Until and unless we look back fearlessly and hush down the demons, we will always be running away from them, frightened and distrustful. Look back and see it for what it is - sad, abusive, painful, shed some tears, and grieve for the person you once were. And once when you have accepted that the past is not going anywhere, but you have tamed it and is under your leash to control how you want to , you will feel liberated and maybe even grateful for the unhappy events in your past.

Make peace, find closures, forgive and choose to bring the best memories forward along the journey, respect the pain and keep it leashed, for if you bury it, it will follow you around like a ghost - appearing when  you least expect it. 

Some more of Winnie......

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” 

“I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time.” 

“Some people care too much. I think it's called love.” 

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” 

 If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever - Winnie the Pooh

 If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear. - Winnie the Pooh

 Those who are clever, who have a Brain, never understand anything. - Winnie the Pooh

Time to heal

Everyday, we go out of our way to receive life, to live and embrace all the goodness. Every experience leaving a mark on our psyche, whether we like it or not. Over a period of time,all these cumulative experiences are what makes us to who we are. Each modifying our thinking, broadening our horizons and hopefully making us wiser.

All systems in this universe are created to inhale the goodness and exhale the bad. Our body is the same. Even when we eat the healthiest food, the body still processes it into nutrition and crap. Same with our thoughts.. All the thoughts, information, interactions that we openly welcome into our lives is processed by our brain into life enhancing and crap. We are so busy trying to imbibe the goodness,that we overlook to delete the junk , the toxic emotions collected over the time.

Each one of us take different time to heal. We all process events in our life with varied states of intensity.The problem is society expects us all to heal at a standardized time frame. A person who seemingly recovers faster than others is labelled as "Strong" and in our quest to emerge as a strong person, we sometimes pretend that we are healed, suppressing our real pain and surging ahead to next challenges in our lives.

Taking time to heal does not mean we are weak, it just means we are aware of our own threshold points. Letting others to pressurise us to believe that all is fine and to keep marching on is sometimes the only option available to us. Yet there comes a point in life, when even a seemingly minor incident sets a trigger for our breakdown.

Take time to heal, take time to cry, take time to brood. Smiling when you are hurting does not make you strong. It is convenient for people around you to think that you are fine... but smile when your heart tells you to, pretending only leads to disasters, if not today, maybe years from now.

Being In Love

Human nature has always fascinated me. The myriad of emotions, the intricate and delicate balance of our insecurities, doubts, love, our desires, our hopes, our disappointments and joys- all intermingled, and creating a new person everyday. Everyday we change, knowingly or unknowingly either into a better version of ourselves or someone that we hardly recognize. 

Life happens, things change, we go through turbulence, our lives upheaved by situations beyond our control. Everyday brings its own challenge, every new day, we learn to live and find joys and give a positive spin to our disappointments and sorrows.

Of all the emotions, the one that is most complex is when two people fall in love. Love as a generic term is beautiful and everything positive, yet when it casts its shadow in exclusive relationships, when there is an expectation of commitment, it invites jealousy, insecurities, anxiety, sleeplessness, and many other emotions that play  havoc on your heart.

Being in love is when the other person's well being becomes more important than your own. Their presence seeps into your soul and becomes an integral part of your well being, so much so that your happiness is dependent on their every nuance, every gesture, and their every word. Illogical, unreasonable, powerful yet powerless love, sublime when fulfilled and leading you to the depths of despair when unrequited. What is it about romantic love -that can create masterpieces, poetry and art and also cause wars and lead people to unjustifiable horrific crimes?

Deciphering the secrets of heart and understanding the way love works, seems like a task that will remain unresolved even as mankind progresses to cross the barriers in space.

Out of the box

I dread the word group- I dread being boxed up and defined. Look at human race, the moment we define ourselves as belonging to a nation, as belonging to a religion or a sect, we turn from human beings to something else. Belonging to a group can ignite  passions to give up the reason we live - to be alive, mass beliefs can raise us to be either a monsters with no sign of humanity, to kill with no remorse and to hate a race as a whole in the name of patriotism or religion.

Belonging requires you to be exclusive to a group, a community. Belonging mandates you to resign yourself to be defined, to be tagged. My refusal to let my identity be defined by language, religion or regionalism comes at a price of being isolated in the crowd. When you believe in something, you are simultaneously rejecting contradictory beliefs.

All my life, I have struggled to fit in. I am not sure if it is my own resistance to change, or my insistence at doing things my own way,but fitting in has always been a challenge for me. The appropriate word of course would be to belong .

It  is a challenge to be undefined, unlabelled,  and generic. It is of course a bigger challenge to not judge and label others.Intellectual, artsy, traditional, modern, whatever be the term, labels box you, close you up. The journey in trying to be everything, results in you being  nothing and the price one pays for it is of loneliness. As human beings we all have this innate desire to belong, to have at least that one person who understands our inner conflicts, who can look past our flaws and look into our soul.There are times when  the search to belong, to find that one soul who understands the torment leads me to be a people pleaser, a pseudo extrovert.

We are of course a bundle of contradictions, mutually exclusive desires fighting to find dominance. The need to belong in a constant battle with the need to be true to myself.

Second Adolescence

Everyday, as I grow older, the desire to break free, the desire to just be me grows stronger. With age, some of the knowledge does get translated into wisdom, wisdom that life is uncertain and is beautiful only if you are able to follow self-will. Life is too short to live others expectations,too short to fulfil other people's dreams . Living life on your own terms, with an open mind and open heart, boundless, borderless and limitless is what life is all about. Our childhood is spent in trying to fulfil the unspoken expectations or at times vocal desires of our parents. Like osmosis their dreams, their ambitions, their thoughts about the world and life, all seep into our characters, knowingly or unknowingly polluting our very essence.

20s are spent in trying to fulfil their dreams and the diktats of society -the norm, the rules, the ambition, and peer pressure. Life seems endless, life full of hopeless hopes, fearful fears and the insatiable desire to reach somewhere, to be someone, to achieve, to "become", holds us slave.

In our 30s, we are are so entrapped in the day to day living, the invisible but heavy responsibilities that keeps us slave, to maintain what we have become. 30s we live for others, kids, careers, trying to "settle down". Some of us  drown our very essence under the the pressures of life - the assault of have to's totally hijacking the joys of living. The invincibility cloak, meekly surrendering to the blows of disappointments and  failures, and if you are lucky revealing your true essence.

It takes around 4 decades, to confront our fears, to shed our inhibitions, and if we are lucky, to finally discover our own essence. It is at this age, that we truly start questioning the beliefs that were shoved down our throats about how society expected our lives to be. The years of responsibilities take their toll , and the need to break free and just be yourself takes precedence over what is considered right and what is wrong. The day we realize, it is "my life", my gift, and my journey , we set ourselves free from all the man made rules of "have to dos".

And thus begins the mid-life crisis, the period when we look back and realize that half of our lives was spent living someone else's dream, and as the body starts showing first signs of decay, the urgency to "live", to be yourself reaches a crescendo  leading at times to rebellious second adolescence.

Quotes by Lao Tzu

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” 

“Those who know do not speak. Those who speak do not know.” 

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” 

“Time is a created thing. To say 'I don't have time,' is like saying, 'I don't want to.”

“Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.” 

“He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough.”


“Love is of all the passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart, and the senses.” 

“When goodness is lost there is morality.” 

“in the pursuit of knowledge: 
everyday something is added.
in the pursuit of enlightenment:
everyday something is dropped.” 

“Shape clay into a vessel;

It is the space within that makes it useful.

Cut doors and windows for a room;

It is the holes which make it useful.

Therefore benefit comes from what is there;

Usefulness from what is not there.” 

“Chanting is no more holy than listening to the murmur of a stream, counting prayer beads no more scared than simply breathing, religious robed no more spiritual than work clothes.” 

Quotes by Carl Sagan

“Every one of us is, in the cosmic perspective, precious. If a human disagrees with you, let him live. In a hundred billion galaxies, you will not find another.” 

“One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for 1,000 years. To read is to voyage through time.” 

“If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.” 

“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.” 

“The nuclear arms race is like two sworn enemies standing waist deep in gasoline, one with three matches, the other with five.” 

“We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think it is forever.” 

“You're an interesting species. An interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other.” 

“The cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff. We are a way for the universe to know itself.” 

“We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology.” 

Raising Boys

Raising boys comes with a price. Fortunately or unfortunately their idea of  clean house differs from mine to such an extent that it makes me wonder if we are talking about the same thing.  Although I love my kids to death, there are somethings that I wish they understood. Here is a list of the "I wish they understood"...

1. Dishes go into the sink not on counter at least till we manage to add a conveyor belt from kitchen counter to sink.
2. Garbage goes into garbage bins - not under the bed. No, there is no chute on the floor to suck it right into the bin.
3. Wrappers behind the couch, half eaten apple under it - it seems you guys seem to be mistaken as to where we live.
4. Hogging on the comfy chair, when an adult has no place to sit,  is not cool. Ignoring my subtle hints to get off the chair is definitely a recipe for trouble.
5. Lecturing parents on environmental responsibilities and yet taking half an hour shower is definitely not cool.
6. Dirty clothes go in the laundry basket, shoes on shoe rack and jackets on hangers - how can you forget/ignore simple instructions like these?
7. Aim well when using the toilet - and just to be clear your target is the toilet bowl.
8. Secret entries into the house are meant to be secret not shared with friends and getting them to climb into the house is an  absolute no no
9.Tantrums get you nowhere. Period. No where.
10. However good the food, someone has to do the dishes. However bad the food, someone has to still cook it.

One day maybe when I look I will miss all the mess, and all the unnecessary stress, but for now I do wish that all they do is follow the simple instructions and make life a little easier.
Maybe it is the easy going upbringing or just the fact that they are  boys, i

Frozen words

“A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended.” 
― Ian McEwan, Atonement

Do we ever say what we really want to say ? Why is it so hard for us to express our love, our anguish and other emotions? Is it because these are the very feelings that make us vulnerable to attacks. Instead of saying I love you, you end up saying take care and be good. Instead of saying that yes  I am hurting, we generally say  I am fine .

What is it about emotions common, normal and human, that we are forced to pretend to appear untouched by it? Meaningless words, worthless sorry, and superficial thank yous rule our conversation. Are we stopped by our ego or is it just our innate sense of survival knowing that it is easier to destroy the human spirit once we reveal our weaknesses?

Most of us find  it very hard to express ourselves spontaneously. Emotions,volcanic and ready to explode are tamed by the defensive mind into frigid missiles. Words never seem to justify the feelings, they either aggravate our anger or subdue our love.

I find it very puzzling, because as a reasonable person, in control of my life, there should be no reason to fear for expression of emotions. Yet somewhere deep in my subconscious I know that the more my heart is visible , the more it will be trampled upon. Our sense of self preservation prevents us from revealing our deepest fears, our intense love and often our brewing anger. I do wonder how it would be to live fearlessly, to live spontaneously and be a free bird...lighter and more secure and soaring high .

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Rubbing my eyes, trying to get back into the world of reality I sit down with a cup of tea in hand. With the school off for the summer, my house resembles more like a hostel with no rules. I scan the living room, realizing how the inanimate things have a story to tell of the day that went by. There are the Playstation controllers just inviting someone to  trip over them, glasses - on side tables, next to the couch, half a packet of chips, laptops, a couple of wrappers of band-aid, and of course empty bottles of juice tells an untold story about the evening spent among friends. The band-aid wrappers made me wonder what happened at night - but I had to let go of worry - the boys can manage well now .

The  mess, the tell-tale marks of teens having a fun-filled evening reminded me of the signs of my aging body , the burn scars reminding me of the happy meals. the laugh lines of happy times, and each gray hair has a story of its own .  I am fascinated by stories and nothing tells a story more than old objects - antiques, old houses. Each object imbibing  traces of the previous owners, subtly embedding every emotion, every drama in their life.  Every inanimate object, every room, every nook and corner coming to life with history, talking to you, if you care to listen. Some showing signs of care, some sheer neglect and some well-used. But talk they all do.

As my couch grows older, with rips, with sunken pillows, stains maybe, each a tell-tale mark of presence of life. Every corner of my house screams of get a repair, get an update, refresh, yet a part of me feels close to the fingerprints on the wall , the rising marks on the wall indicating the growing heights of kids, every broken door a story of kids out of control, every creaking chair of times well spent.

One day, the house will need an update, one day make my body will get a refreshing change, one day maybe .. but for now I am happy to just relive the happy memories, happy to see the inanimate objects breathing and living and my face proclaiming loud and clear of life well-lived.

Quotes by Scott Fitzgerald

“It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living.” 

“Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life.” 

“Things are sweeter when they're lost. I know--because once I wanted something and got it. It was the only thing I ever wanted badly, Dot, and when I got it it turned to dust in my hand.” 

“That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”

“There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.” 

“At eighteen our convictions are hills from which we look; at forty-five they are caves in which we hide.” 

“You know, you’re a little complicated after all.” 
“Oh no,” she assured him hastily. “No, I’m not really - I’m just a - I’m just a whole lot of different simple people.” 

“Grown up, and that is a terribly hard thing to do. It is much easier to skip it and go from one childhood to another.” 

Either you think--or else others have to think for you and take power from you, pervert and discipline your natural tastes, civilize and sterilize you.

It is in the thirties that we want friends. In the forties we know they won't save us any more than love did.

Preview

Life is full of options - options sometimes with very obvious consequences and at other times when you look back, you wonder what if ..... Those are the decisions toughest to take - two paths each seemingly leading to happiness, each fulfilling our desires but with a different price to pay.

Nothing in life is free, the moment we add something , we are deleting something else from our lives. The price we pay for our decisions depends on how much worth we place on it. The price includes loss of potential opportunities, the time we invest and of course the possibility that the other option would have enhanced our life more. The action we take , the choices we make, all add up, all multiply to make us what we are.

It takes a courageous person to stand by the decisions taken, and a wise person to recognize that there are very few right or wrong decisions per se. We do take decisions according to the best available resources, the best of our knowledge, but  wouldn't it be wonderful if life was designed to give us at least a day's preview about what life would have been if we had chosen differently? You know a fast trailer about the consequences of our decisions, good or bad, but at least that way we would be able to live  many different lives in this one lifetime. 

Different options, different lives . If every drunk driver could have a peek into the future, if every youth could maybe visualize what his choice would result in, if every young couple could have a preview of what their life together would entail, maybe we would all be a little wiser. 

Known Strangers

Ever been lost in a crowd of known strangers? I have.  And  nothing feels more isolating, than just standing there alone, trying to hurry up the time so that you could just maybe, be by yourself. Social anxiety, feeling misfit in large gatherings all in many ways handicap you. Nothing gives me more pleasure than being in the company of my loved ones, sharing thoughts and laughter , and nothing is more dreadful than making inconsequential conversations with known strangers.

In a room full of people, there were just two or three of us, unable to circulate and make small talk. Sitting in a corner, there I was, fretting about the future, when I might have to hold a wedding party for my son. I knew it was trouble, when I just had to tell my son, that he had my blessings to elope if ever planned to get married. I definitely wasn't inclined to invite 500 people to a private wedding ceremony.

I am not sure if it is the crowd, if it is saying socially right things, or just that I am spending time with people, making shallow interactions, whatever it is, social gatherings scare me.  Being socially awkward is no fun, trying to fit into, to follow the etiquettes, the pressure to flit around and make impression (?) just seem to be a lot of work for me. Avoiding talking to people, making elaborate excuses to skip socializing, is a  flaw that I am not proud of but changing myself would be staying untrue to my basic nature.

Maybe the effort to present myself in a certain way takes too much of effort, or  maybe I feel inadequate to deal with superficial and at times intrusive queries, or maybe it just feels like a waste of time to invest in people who are just a shell of themselves. The only shield that I carry with me all the time is my smile - no need for words, no need to interact, just a smile and you are ready to sail through the nameless faces, till it is time to go home and heave a sigh of relief.

Variation On The Word Sleep - Margaret Atwood

Variation On The Word Sleep

I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and as you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary. 

Margaret Atwood

Ordinary Life - by Judith Viorst

I've had my share of necessary losses,
Of dreams I know no longer can come true.
I'm done now with the whys and the becauses.
It's time to make things good, not just make do.
It's time to stop complaining and pursue
The pleasures of an ordinary life.

I used to rail against my compromises.
I yearned for the wild music, the swift race.
But happiness arrived in new disguises:
Sun lighting a child's hair. A friend's embrace.
Slow dancing in a safe and quiet place.
The pleasures of an ordinary life.

I'll have no trumpets, triumphs, trails of glory.
It seems the woman I've turned out to be
Is not the heroine of some grand story.
But I have learned to find the poetry
In what my hands can touch, my eyes can see.
The pleasures of an ordinary life.

Young fantasies of magic and of mystery
Are over. But they really can't compete
With all we've built together: A long history.
Connections that help render us complete.
Ties that hold and heal us. And the sweet,
Sweet pleasures of an ordinary life. 

Judith Viorst

Some thoughts for the day

Smile and embrace the day today passionately and see how the day responds back to your affection. Spread some warmth and see the coldness in others hearts literally melt away. Stop and smell some flowers, feel the softness of wet grass under your bare feet, and let the wind blow away your hair .

Laugh, laugh till it hurts, laugh till tears roll down  your cheeks. Laugh loud, chuckle till you can no longer do so, laugh so hard that even the saddest person in the room, has no option but to smile and join in .

There is no sound as pure as laughter expressing joy, and proclaiming loud and clear that life is beautiful. 

Connect with people you love, we all need a reminder that we are in someone's thoughts. A simple hello, a genuine concern and life seems to fall back on track.

Give your time, time to people who would appreciate it. Time is the most expensive give of all and make sure that people value it.

Soak in all the experiences you can, in the day - give your best and forget about the rest. 

And above all, be honest - don't pretend to be happy when you are sad. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Honestly, honesty to yourself is what counts in the end. See the mirror and if the reflection you see is the person you would want your best friend to be, you are on the right track. 

Human Dignity

Human Dignity

Can there be a feeling worse than loss of dignity? There is something about pity, something patronizing, that makes us all want to put on our brave masks and face the world. I had often wondered why it is so difficult to open up about our wounds, our problems even to our closest of friends, till I  realized that I was afraid of being pitied. 

Nothing erodes human spirit more than loss of dignity. Our sophisticated society has now evolved from  ridiculing  the physically challenged, financially challenged, emotionally distraught,to something worse, we end up politely  pitying  them and strippng them of their self-respect. Take away dignity and you end up devoid of  human spirit.

Helping others with compassion, listening with compassion and ensuring that the dignity of the person is intact is as important as feeding the hungry or caring for the sick. Belittling someone with words or actions doesn't have to always be in bitter words or insults. Treat all the people you meet with same respect, doesn't matter who they are, because in my eyes the moment you destroy a human spirit, the moment you pity them and put them down, you have already killed the human in the being

There are times even with the best intentions, we might be unsure as how do treat the person right. Compassion and empathy are our guides at times like that. 

My dream Vacation

My dream vacation would be to a place where there were no electronics, no clocks and no calendars.A place either by the ocean or in the woods in the mountains. A place where you keep track of time only by the changing shapes of moon. Where there are no weekdays, no weekends and absolutely no appointments. A place where there are no commitments, no responsibilities, no keeping up appearances and no bills. No keeping track of time because you have all the time to do nothing .

Imagine, you eat when you are hungry, take your time to enjoy every morsel, because you have nowhere to go.Imagine  you sleep when  you are tired, or just when you want to - no one to stop you. A life free of cares, free of commitments, just living your life following your basic instincts. No plans, no future, past hazy and where it should be - in the past. Imagine, just sitting on the beach or maybe a deck in the mountains, waiting for the sun to say goodbye. Admiring the hues of red melting into the dark shades of blues and waiting for the  moon to rise.

Imagine lying down out in the open sky, no clue if it is time to sleep or not, just counting the stars, guessing the constellations and admiring the falling stars, till sleep slowly creeps in . Cool breeze singing a lullaby, maybe a rocking hammock all culminating in a sleep full of dreams or maybe not.

Imagine being woken up by the touch of first rays of sun, stirring you up gently, and the only music you hear are the sound of water  and  singing birds in the wood. You create your own composition, your own music. Imagine, not worrying about grocery, cleaning, laundry and money. A life free of cares, a life completely in sync with nature.

Health over shame

There are times when you inexplicably feel sad. It might not last for long, maybe a day or two, but the heaviness in the heart can really pull you down and drown you., I am not sure if  it is more prevalent in women than men or it is individualist, but what I am sure is  that you cannot snap out of it just like that. Call it mood swings, call it chemical imbalance, whatever, but at times, even when you consciously try to cheer up, something doesn't feel right .

Mental health is an issue we shirk to talk about, generally assuming that we are in control of our head. It takes an educated and open mind to empathize with issues of the head. In general, society is more likely to empathize with a personal with physical disability than with someone with a mental issue, maybe to a certain extent as mental illness is not so obvious and is so personal.

We talk about our physical pain, we are open about our physical illness, but generally issues of the mind are kept off the table. There is still a certain shame, a certain assumption of weakness associated it with, along with  misconception  and stereotypes. 

Just one day of feeling low, and I realized how difficult it is for someone to just snap out of it. You can read all about positive thinking, you can rationalize all about why you need to be happy, but there are times when you need help. Again, just like physical health, being conscious about your mental state of mind, right from mental exhaustion, to being stressed out, being aware of the symptoms early on, helps us in finding a solution. 

It is time that society became open about discussing mental health. Fact also remains, that depression and other mental issues are also very difficult for your loved ones to handle, maybe because it is intangible. Maybe if we start understanding our minds better, if we start educating our kids about taking care of our mental health as much as we teach them about healthy body, the next generation will be better prepared to deal with the issues of the head.