Women and Guilt

Guilt is the relentlessly cruel emotion that follows women and casts its shadow on whatever we do. Feelings of remorse are impressive when you are a criminal, but we women tend to go on a guilt trip almost as if it was part of definition of being a woman. I always assumed that it was an emotion more related to being born and raised in India – the cultural issue. Yet, the more I live and talk to women of diverse ethnic groups, the more I realize it is emotion that unifies women all over the world. I am still trying to figure out if it is in our genetic makeup or is it a learnt trait?



Here are some of things that I have observed that women feel guilty about .



1. Eating a chocolate bar: Okay, not all women feel that way, but, many of my women customers are so apologetic about eating a bar of chocolate, that it’s not funny. When did food become something that we have to be guilty about? I am sure enjoying a bar of chocolate without guilt would make it more enjoyable than fretting about the calories. And God forbid if you happen to gain a pound over the weekend.





2. Working: Being a working mother, I am constantly ridden by guilt, especially if I am spending my time away from my children. Every child is different - some demand more time and attention from you, while others are happy to be by themselves. As a mother, it is very easy for me to fall in the trap of being the perfect parent – healthy food, activities, providing all the frills (right toys, right books) and if you happen to fail in any one of this, you beat yourself up – at least I do. Right balance is different for different families and we need to accept that.



3. Not working: Expectations about a woman working and bringing the dough is high. There have been years when I haven’t worked and did I feel guilty about it! Of course, the feeling was still there when I started working, except now I felt guilty about being away from my children.



4. Being selfish: There are times, when I want to do things just to please myself, not for family or  for friends. It‘s very hard to get rid of the feeling of guilt for being selfish. I know its okay, but it’s a feeling that lingers around you.



5. Exercise: I feel so guilty about not exercising that I end up eating more chocolate to relieve myself of the stress that always is tagging along with guilt.  Yet there are times, you have to let go of this feeling that pops up your





All I know is that there has to be a way to manage this voice which pulls us down all the time. Eat your chocolate, work if you want to, don’t if you don’t want to; its time we took over this negative emotion and put it in its place and let our own opinion matter more than what others thing is right or wrong!