Human beings are strange, governed by desires, unlimited desires. We are always wanting to improve upon our situation or ourselves. It doesn't matter how good you are doing in life, there is always this nudge that tells us -If only ..... it would be better. I have to admit I have the tendency to always look ahead, to plan, to improve, my kids, my house , my career or just myself.
Which is all great except that it is a never ending project.
I am not sure about others, but all my life I have been searching or waiting for something to happen. It's not that I was unhappy but just that the wait for that last piece of jigsaw to complete the puzzle of my life. In my young adulthood, it was the search for a right partner and we all know search and waiting go hand in hand. Later in life, when I look back, it was searching for a job , or a better job, a house, or a better place to live, or may be just looking for a great deal on car or furniture.
Searching and waiting can not only be stressful, but also make us forget that life is perfect the way it is. Waiting for circumstances to change, to get "better", implies living in the future. I never realized how much of my life had been spent in trying to improve on my circumstances. Trying to improve home, to improve my health, to improve finances every thing adding to increase stress.
Right now, I am in a happy position - I am happy just being, just breathing. Feeling content, believing that life is perfect the way it is, brings in a calm, a peace. You stop looking and start living.
It would be foolish of me to expect this feeling of contentment to last forever, as cirumstances will change for sure, and the ugly monster will spew its venom of desires and expectations again, but hopefully I will be better prepared to face it.
Whenever the voices in my head taunt me if only ......all I am learning to do is stop the thinking process. Yes the voices are still there, the walls need paint, the yard needs maintenance and only if that is done..... I certainly hope this attitude is permanent and I live by the adage " will cross the bridge when I come to it".
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