Motherhood in modern times

15 years ago, when I had my first born, I really didn't know what I was getting into. Motherhood for me was J&J baby powder commercial, a happy cooing baby and an elated, relaxed mother. Small fingers, loving smiles and unconditional love. Nobody ever told me that I was getting into a bond, a bond which would change my priorities for ever. A bond, a responsibility which I know is going to last long after childhood and youth is done.
I had no warning that my heart would be vulnerable to every pain that my children felt. Priorities would change and the overwhelming thought that I was responsible for another living being would be scarier on some nights, when the wailing cries of the baby didn't stop. I was under the impression that once, the child grows up, becomes independent my job would be done. But over the years I have realised that my kids hearts will always be connected to mine. Every pain they feel, I will feel more, every joy of theirs will bring me more happiness, every failure, every success - yes I was into a relationship where all their emotions reflected magnified 100 times into my heart.

My children will grow up, become independent, yet now that I am wiser, I know that my job as a mother will never be done. I know it because I see my mother who is still my rock and support, who though miles away is always there for me.Motherhood is complicated though and often frustrating, involving childhood tantrums and teenage drama, although I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yet, not all of us are meant to be nurturers.Motherhood  evokes a an image of kindness and why not - after all what can be a bigger miracle than giving life ?  Growing up in India, a woman's status is elevated the moment she becomes  a mother. Being a mother is supposed to be the ultimate goal.
In my teens and youth I have been presumptious in assuming that my mother had no other identity nothing than being a mother. She had us kids, what else did she need - wasn't she supposed to be complete? And because she was a mother her life was supposed to revolve around her kids. Nothing wrong with it, except that that I do understand just donning on the hat of motherhood, doesn't mean giving up my identity as an individual. I am more than just a mother,daughter, sister and wife. Merging my identity with my role is unfair not only for me but also my kids. If I am nothing without them, what will my life be once they  have their own lives and my role would be relegated to on-call basis?  I am a flawed human being, an individual who has an existence even if all the said roles were to be non-existent.
A woman is a nurturer for sure, that is how nature made her- same as other female species of the animal kingdom. Yet I do believe that a healthy mother child relation demands that a woman have an identity of her own too. A modern woman is not only a nurturer, but a provider too and until and unless the modern man takes on the responsibility of being a nurturer, parenting and  raising kids will be full of challenges.