Tell me something about yourself.

 There is something unsettling about the question "Tell me something about yourself" - a question I dread to answer.  You get these questions when you are getting interviewed, or when you meet someone new.It always frazzles me up. How do I tell, that I am still in the process of discovering and would rather have somebody else tell me who I am. How do you define your existence? How do you label your life? Am I a mother, wife , a woman......or does my job or  interest define me? Or do my perceived qualities or characteristics make me who I am? Or is it my nationality or color of my skin ?

Maybe it is the sum of all these aspects that make me who I am or maybe not. But I know in my heart, I am more than all these embellishments. My essence is buried deep in the expectations, responsibilities or living. Failures and successes, disappointments and achievements, heartaches and fulfilled relations have all buried my soul. Ironically the one thing I am sure of, is the ambiguity of my existence. I don't want to be defined. I don't want to be labelled. To just be, without any tags, without any expectations, to live and breathe in the life.

The need to not to prove anything, to not improve, to not please and not to be boxed in, intensifies with age.  The wisdom that this is my journey only when I know who I am makes the process all the precarious.  Traveling without acknowledging the core of my existence I am not actually experiencing the journey. Being honest to yourself takes a lot of courage and patience. I know  I am not an intellectual , my thinking is limited, I am not smart  nor beautiful - I am not even a good person - at least sometimes I am not. Maybe I am like water maybe, flexible, shapeless and colorless, blending in, sometimes flowing, sometimes floating as clouds. Or maybe I am just a speck of dust in the ray of light - insignificant and it really doesn't matter to discover myself.

I am not my education, nor  my achievements,nor my failures or my likes or dislikes.    I don't feel the need to expand my knowledge, to feel more emotions nor to be better in certain ways. I want to be undefined, to be just me - with no judgmental eyes following me, no expectations, no bonds to tie me down.

To be beyond approval or disapproval, to maybe just bring a smile with some kind words, to not to try - to just be like the nature - be my own authentic self. It makes me wonder, how do people manage to live their life in different personalities, with all the masks, with all the lies and pretensions? It is hard enough  to find your way out of the maze when you say what you mean and mean what you say.