Some quotes from "The Road less Traveled "

Here are some quotes by M.Scott Peck - the writer of "The Road Less Traveled", a must read book. I read it first 20 years ago and still go back to  it time and again...

Good discipline requires time. When we have no time to give our children, or no time that we are willing to give, we don't even observe them closely enough to become aware of when their need for our disciplinary assistance is expressed subtley. 

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. 

“Love is the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth... Love is as love does. Love is an act of will -- namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.” 

“We cannot solve life's problems except by solving them.” 

“Love is the free exercise of choice. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.” 

“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.” 

Smile it's Mark Twain

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor: he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on with their old measurements and expect me to fit them.

Decision making in 40's

There has been a change in my attitude towards life and the decisions I have been making. Being in 40's makes you realize that life is indeed short and the urgency to live life to the max is highlighted. Experiencing life and its bumps and highs, changes our mindset towards decision making. The mid-life crisis is more of a self-realization that we are at intermission and. time really does fly with the awareness becoming more profound as we get closer to our final destination. Our perception towards what is good, what is safe changes too. Here are some factors that have been lately affecting my decision making process.

1. If I were to die today, would this matter?
2. What's the worst that can happen?
3. If somebody has problem with me, it' s his/her problem, so why should I worry?
4. Mistakes happen, we all err, accept it and deal with it. Who is perfect here ?
5. Not all decisions are in my control, going with the flow and accepting the higher power makes life easier.
6. If you don't ask , the answer is always no . So ask and reach out to people you care about.
7. Is my decision/action hurting anyone ?
8. How would I feel if I was on the receiving end of the decision?
9. Would I regret not doing it 10 years from now?
10. Showing compassion towards myself is as important as showing it to others. Just do it , don't worry about the consequences. If you are wrong , don't worry people are there to show you your faults – you focus on your strengths.

And of course in the end, it all ends. So I might be wrong, err, maybe commit blunders, in the end nothing matters except for whether I appreciated and lived my life to the full capacity and if I was able to bring joy to people around me.

Relationships and Boundaries

In our everyday life we have so many relations – friends, colleagues, neighbors, spouses, kids and so on and forth. Each has its own limitations, each comes with its own sets of rules and own expectations. For any relation to grow into something meaningful you have to invest is your time and emotions. Yet for it to thrive and last, it is equally important to be clear about the boundaries right from the beginning. In our enthusiasm we tend to often give more than we can and forget to draw the line and destroy something that would be beautiful into bitterness .

Not every relationship is definable yet it doesn't matter what the name of the relationship is, mother-son, husband -wife, friends, acquaintance the essentials remain the same. You bond, develop expectations, and then set boundaries. The sooner we know what our expectations are and what we are bringing in, the longer it lasts. Being in a relationship is easier than sustaining it, it doesn't matter what sort it is.

I personally find it very hard to draw the boundaries, the unsaid rules that hold the relationship together. Sometimes, you tend to give so much that you have no other option but to quit or get disappointed. Just like everything else in the world, we need both togetherness and space. We learn from our mistakes, from our experiences, that the most important thing in life is for both to be clear what is it we are bringing to table. Growing up in a country where the very concept of privacy just doesn't exist, the concept of drawing a line is a recently learned trait which I am still trying to perfect. The problem with defining the rules, is that it is very hard to go back on it once you have shattered it.

For instance, volunteering to teach English,I have to be very aware what my role is and how much I can give. It is so easy to forget that I signed up only to teach her and getting emotionally drawn into her personal life will leave me burned out. I also know once the unsaid rule is broken, the reversal to previous status is highly impossible.

Dealing with anxiety

You know you are in trouble when you find yourself on a search engine looking for a name for chronic worrying and  are relieved that it is in fact recognized as a disorder and has an official name- GAD or Generalized Anxiety Disorder. And then of course if you are a chronic worrier or prone to anxiety you start to worry whether you indeed do have it and if so ......

You get the point. I am almost positive  that I don't  have GAD, but yes there are days when my brain doesn't listen to logic, when it goes off on a free run, directionless or sometimes just in circles around one point. A worrier can worry about anything right from whether you locked the doors, or switched off the oven, or if the kids are safe. And if all is fine, you start worrying about friends and maybe climate change too.

Worrying has no end and  a pro worrier will scourge through the garbage to find something to worry about. Anxiety, stress and worry all go hand in hand and most often than not create a visible havoc in your body
Why do we worry? I loved the research said that it has something to do with our genetic makeup, but I also feel that it is something learned. Lack of faith resulting in fear and fear in anxiety . I know it is very common for medical practitioners to prescribe medication for anxiety (Ativan is as common as Advil and I am so tempted to let the chemicals take over) or then there is self medication like alcohol or smoking.

I am convinced that as people become more isolated in society, the next generation is going to experience higher stress levels. I know there is no way that I can be stress-free, I am too high -strung for that, but I am also aware that I am in dire need to inoculate tools to manage stress into my life. I have always been the one to avoid situations where I would have to experience stress, but it does come with a price. Price of missing out on many opportunities in life.

Learning to relax in body and mind is the antidote to stress. Here were some of the friendly tips which I intend to try .

1. Don't take your work home with you. You will make mistakes, you are human. But when you leave work, make it a point to leave that part of your brain there. Let it be.

2 . Find something that relaxes you - I love reading, but guess what reading heavy stuff does nothing to relax me. Maybe comic books would work.

3. A roadside notice proclaimed "Laugh louder"- yes louder and more often. So no more sappy love stories or crime crappers, only comedies.
4. Instrumental music -was an accidental discovery for me, I tend to appreciate lyrics more than music and guess what understanding lyrics again uses the part of brain you want to relax.
5. Deep breathing, tapping and chanting are other remedies that have proven to be relaxing.
6. Walking , running and exercising  are other advises - am too lazy so have them on the bottom of the list.

And lastly like my kids tell me, let there be peace in your heart. If the heart is well , brain will follow soon.

Connections......

Ever wondered why we connect to some people instantly? Connection or forming a bond, even if it is temporary is a blessing and I have been very fortunate to be surrounded or at least touched by people who will always mean something to me.

Bonding with someone has no barriers – age, sex or cultural backgrounds don't matter. It is a matter of heart or maybe at a deeper level your soul recognizing someone from your past. I like to think logically and it can get very frustrating when I can't find any reasonable answers as to why I want a person to be a part of my life or why or no obvious reason I am unable to open up to someone. And of course

ironically the only logic I could come up with was connections from your previous birth.

I do know for certain though that all those who have come into my life and will come are there for a reason. Each indomitable spirit has added a new dimension to my personality. Every one of them has taught me how live a fuller life, by guiding me to the path of being a better version of myself. One thing is common in all the relationships is that you have to open up your heart and be ready to accept them in your life. Be ready to give, give till you are able to create a space withing yourself for receiving.

Connections can last for your life span, for minutes or maybe for days; But sure enough when your soul recognizes another soul, the experience will last forever. 

Spring...

The year's at the spring

And day's at the morn;

Morning's at seven;

The hillside's dew-pearled;

The lark's on the wing;

The snail's on the thorn;

God's in His heaven -

All's right with the world!

~Robert Browning

Spring a season of renewed hope, is an affirmation of the fact that life is beautiful. I love spring; the colors, the birds, the melting snow, the slow rebirth of life. I walk down the streets, observing the first signs of buds, waiting them to mature each day, trying to break open; every day the excitement of not knowing if it will be today that the veil will lift and the cherry blossom will shine in its full glory.  Spring is the culmination of faith – faith that the cold and dark winter would not last forever, faith that although you cannot see the seeds, the frozen ground would spring new life.

Then again spring has more meaning only when you experience the winter. You have to experience the darkness, to appreciate the light. Colors have meaning only when you have been deprived of it for months. Spring is nature’s way of saying thank you for hanging in there during winter. And what a dramatic way to say so –explosion of colors, and fragrances, transforming the dead to life, nothing defines the word miracle as aptly as spring.

Spring reminds me that time is fleeting, to embrace all that comes into my life; to be joyful and enjoy this beautiful gift called life. To feel life flowing through my veins as if for the first, to just breathe in the fresh air, soak in the glimpses of sun and rejoice in this nascent stage of life.