Stepping out

What do we want in life ? We all want happiness , we all want to live our life to the fullest.Two contradictory desires. Happiness demands being content and being grateful, but to live life to the fullest , you need to be greedy , you need to be unsatisfied and stretch yourself out of your comfort zone. Being  joyful on the other hand is different.

Whenever we step out of our comfort zone and believe it is really hard, especially for someone like me, who would rather have life knock the doorstep, than actively seek it out.I settle in and will avoid change at any cost, because keeping my equilibrium is more important actively seeking adventure and life. I am afraid to make mistakes, afraid to be proven wrong, and of appearing ridiculous.

I have realized quite late in the life that fear of failure has prevented me seeking life out of my comfort zone. Comfort - the known, the rut , the proven and the safe and cozy place that we all want to live in . I have to learn to make mistakes, jump higher than I think is possible and be prepared to fall and fail. I have to step out of my small world  and conquer the irrational fear of failure, because life is larger than me.

One percent communication

I write - I love to reach out and connect and I treasure all the connections that I have made in my life so far. Yet even with a reasonably good power over words, at times I am lost. I frantically search for words to reach out, and have failed miserably at times to convey the sincerity or set  the right tone of conversation. How  do we maintain long distance relationships with our friends in this one cent communication age,where we are literally using only one percent of the tools available to relay our message?

One percent communication is a blessing for an introvert like me - no eye contact, no formal niceties, just hammer the nail straight to point. I like the disguise of hiding behind black and white words, after all written words don't express the quiver in your voice or the sadness in your eyes. There is a comfort in having relationships where you can hide in your shell undetected behind all the emotions. 

In spite of all the favorable points - I find it disconcerting  when I find myself trying to analyze and decipher messages that I receive. A harmless message can be distorted, after all  we are using just one percent of the tools in communication.  It is easier for me to hide behind the words, but at the same time harder to judge the  sincerity of a message. 

Is it sent in good humor or a sarcasm? Is it just casual words typed while you were doing some other chore like driving or talking or cooking? Or is it sincere and emotional? There is no way to gauge the depth of the message, no way to see the expressions or hear the undertones in the voice - the rise, the fall, the whispers, the subtle giveaways that reassure us of the genuine purpose of the message. 

Communication is tough - even when we are utilizing all the tools of communication. We give our 100% when we are in an intimate relationship - making love - we use our bodies, our eyes and at times use words to relay how we feel exactly. Physical contact - hugs, a handshake, a kiss are less likely to miscommunicate than words.Verbal words, with eye contact and body language are again more expressive - and wholesome,but in this world where even our messages are generic - words are typed and not handwritten, how do we detect love? How do we ensure the sincerity?

One percent communication offers an excellent way to keep in touch in this life, where most of connecting takes place in between tasks . Yet we need to bring back warmth of spoken words, the firm handshakes and the eye contacts back into our lives to ensure we don't lose valuable friendships  that misunderstandings caused by the quality of communication has created.

The challenges of parenting

Raising kids is challenging enough, raising good kids who will not go on self-destruct mode, needs more refined parenting skills, but parents who have raised high achieving kids have aced their scorecard for sure or that is what I believed. But is it really so? 

There is so much literature on how to raise your kids well - although I am still unsure what is "well". I haven't read a lot on parenting styles - but observing friends and people around me has been a revelation for me. I am a pretty laid back person - or that is what I think I am.(my family and friends opinions might differ - in fact I know it differs). This better underachieve than fail trait, has served me well, but at times I feel that my own lack of ambition has trickled down to my kids, which I try and overcompensate in my own weird way.

The issue I face as a parent is - how much do I push my kids? I want them to reach their full potential, but at the same time, I want them to live life true to themselves.. There are times when all you want to do is just give them a hug and make sure nothing or no one hurts them, yet at the same time, I realize that they need to be vaccinated (yes I believe in vaccination !) against the ills of life.

I feel awful pushing my son into the big bad world, watching him transition from the world is is my oyster, to yes this life and this is how you make a living. I honestly don't know if there is ever a right balance between mothering and smothering your kids with love, which is so easy , and being the disciplinary teacher who is ensuring that they have all the skills needed to survive in this "life is not fair" real world.

Is my prime duty to just smother them with love,  or is it to make them ready to face the inevitable heartbreaks and failures that we all face? I am not sure - and never will be. Or is it just to make sure that they are secure that they are loved unconditionally? Parents are riddled with guilt - we know we could all do better, even after we have given our best. I guess that is what it is in the end we are just there to guide -with our limited knowledge and the do the best we can with what we have.

Our children give us joy, as a baby, as toddler and youth - every stage is an experience in itself. But I really believe, that the real joy, the moment of pride is when they  know how to choose between right and wrong, when they  are able to rise and dust themselves up after a fall and move along without feeling broken, and when they know life is all about treating others with kindness.

Cookie Cutter

Layers and layers of masks - and somewhere, lost deep beneath is our self - our essence , which has been manipulated, been mutilated and in camouflaged since we were old enough to be told to behave in a certain way.Some of us are old souls, we are ready to plunge deep within to find our true self, others are just discovering life - naive and enthusiastic.

Society encourages uniformity - there is a comfort in fitting in, in following the norms of human life. I have been interacting with an array of teenagers and paradoxically  although I should feel older in the company of youth, I was thrilled to be amidst new thoughts, new viewpoints of life and the world in general. We evolve through our youth. New radical thinking, and questioning is the basis for all change in society. Acceptance only stagnates and slowly kills us.

Questioning, doubting, thinking and defying the tried and tested is necessary if the human race wants to evolve. The world needs more rebellion and independent thinkers. More people willing to strike their own path - regardless of whether they will "succeed" in terms of real world.  I was raised to question, and I encourage my kids to think and form their opinion. I bring my experience to the table  and they bring their optimism.

Yet, when I talk to the youngsters today, I find that they are pragmatic, more willing to succumb to the pressures of society and its need to survive. We lack free thinkers, people who are okay with not being politically right, people who are willing to risk sounding like idiots and probably being booed. 

The exposure to unlimited resources - shallow and fast - at the tips of your fingers, has made us very susceptible to basing our opinions on what is more media savvy. I find our opinions are manipulated by what is accessible on media.

We need detoxification from time to time from all the media-pollutants, to be able to clarify our own personal needs. Discover our essence, to think - to think for ourselves, and not unconsciously plagiarizing..

We are all different. We need to think different, We need the next generation to think and not just recycle.

Quotes on Youth

“Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”
― Franz Kafka

“The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.” 
― Friedrich Nietzsche

“When you're young, you think everything you do is disposable. You move from now to now, crumpling time up in your hands, tossing it away. You're your own speeding car. You think you can get rid of things, and people too—leave them behind. You don't yet know about the habit they have, of coming back.

Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been.”
― Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin

The young, free to act on their initiative, can lead their elders in the direction of the unknown... The children, the young, must ask the questions that we would never think to ask, but enough trust must be re-established so that the elders will be permitted to work with them on the answers.”
― Margaret Mead

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