Lessons in life

1. Nothing in life is free. Every choice, every path we take, we pay a price for it.
2. People are scared to show their fears . Self preservation at times drives us to lie not only to others but also to ourselves.
3.Nothing stays forever - change is perpetual and when we accept it, we learn to enjoy the ride.
4. We are all equipped with a self-destruct button. Use it fearlessly to reinvent yourself. Change demands adaptation.
5. Consider every day to  be your last - meditate on your mortality - makes it easier to set your priorities.
6. We see others as we are- so next time look deep in before you find faults in others.
7. Happiness is a choice - we choose and although at times we might let outside factors ruffle our feathers, only we are responsible for our happiness
8. You can choose to stay safe and contended or choose to live life. Living demands courage and resilience, staying alive is easier.
9.Take risks - calculated risks - risks in love, in your career. Be bold. Step out of the comfort zone. Be prepared to rise after a fall.
10. You will be disappointed,, betrayed, heartbroken, or feel simply let down . Cry, be angry and let it go. If  you can keep your heart kind and soft as you grow older, you are a winner.

In transition.

There is something fascinating about transience. Sitting on my deck watching the blue sky being overpowered by the darkness, I discover freedom in surrendering. Being a rebel by nature, I like to question order in life. I don't want to  be boxed in, to give up on my right to change mind, and to question all that is supposed to be right.  The problem is, this results in conflict - in thoughts, in my own quest to forcibly change my perception of living. In short, my mind is a constant battlefield, yes even in my dreams. 

Yet a walk in the woods, watching the sun set, or just listening to the birds converse happily, seem like a lullaby to the tired mind. The realization that my existence is temporary and uncertain, puts things in the right perspective. Watch the grass grow, even when you have people walking over it, watch the claws of trees hanging on tight to life, or just how the dead can transform into  new life and you find motivation to move forward. 

Yet the most profound is how there is this balance of resistance and letting go. If the trees didn't resist every storm, there would be none standing, or if the rocks didn't resist the flowing water, there would be no music to play. But when there is the need to give in, they just do so without question. I am in constant resistance, as like  most of us living in the modern life isolated by other living elements in our day to day life. We are taught to be warriors, to fight, to never give up, never give in - which is all great but can be tiring. We need a break - a break from our beliefs, from our opinions, from our expectations. We need to take a sojourn from time to time - not physically but also mentally. 

I need to go into the woods, need to watch the stars shyly show themselves up - safe in the shadows of darkness, need to feel the breeze, to smell the flowers, to hear the birds, the water flow, to just reaffirm my belief that I don't control everything . To reassure that change is fine, and no change is also fine, to just breathe and be me - no work in progress, no improved me - just me.

Opt to Live

“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.” - Sylvia Plath

For days now I have been trying to find time and words to vent out my emotions, unsuccessfully. Time and again we are faced with the realities of life and its final destination. Life  is merciless, or to be more precise, it is indifferent to all our queries of its apparent injustice. I got  initiated  years ago to the unpredictability of life, yet memories fade and we slip into our comfort zone. 

Whenever we are faced with the question of our mortality, we tend to reevaluate our priorities. All the what ifs, all the I want to, gain prominence. People you take for granted, dreams in the backburner, your own growth as a person , everything starts to emerge from the shadows. There is a thing about this modern life. We live mindlessly. In the name of being busy, we just fast forward our life. Being busy is not an achievement, it is just skipping on building moments that can be memorable. 

I can't say for others, but for me, weekdays merge into one block of hazy memory of nothing. I love what I do, yet there is always this thought niggling at the back of my mind if I am doing the best of what I can with this life? If I am being true to myself and if I am missing out on living?  Life is limitless and full of possibilities and I want the choice to choose the possibilities. I want to have the courage step out, to explore, to stretch the limits to where I feel uncomfortable.  When you are a natural optimist, it is easier to believe in all that you want, but for a pessimist/realist, you are grounded by your experiences and that limits you to try and fly into lands of unknown. 

Peeling off our layers of prenotions set by our experience requires contemplation which in turn requires our minds to be still. We keep ourselves busy, because it is the easiest way to live , and because either we are too  lazy to live any other way or maybe because it is a scary experience and we might not like what we see. All of us at some time faced the relentless restlessness, the splinter in our soul that just keeps nagging us  and which we learn to live with. Yet when we stop to feel it, we realize that it has been embedded too deep. This restless feeling, this lack of belonging, is washed away by our day to day living, just occasionally leaving a stain behind as a reminder, which we choose to ignore. 

I would be lying if I don't think about options - options in career, in lifestyle (living on an island sounds great or maybe a cabin in the woods or maybe classy downtown), yet dreaming the improbable is what makes us human and real. 

I truly believe that to be a better human being, to live life to the fullest, to experience life like only we can do, we need to know ourselves. Time and again , we need to unload the junk mail in our head and heal the bruises to our hearts.  Rushing through life is not living. I cannot experience all I want, I cannot be all I want, but there is a liberation when you are aware of your desire 

Sweating the small stuff

All our living consists of moments. Moments of happiness, sadness, but most of it, moments of mundane actions and living. Isn't our life mostly composed of day to day living?  Living life for most of us is built of small stuff.  Going to work, paying bills, chores and the list goes on. Our happiness are small - a beautiful sunset. a beautiful dress, or maybe just your child's laughter or a hug.  Our worries are also the small stuff  - mostly dealing with day to day living like work, money and our family. In the process of  everyday life, we tend to forget the bigger picture - that this too shall pass.  At times, after a hard day at work, you wonder, where is your life going. How much do we actually need to live a comfortable life? There are those, who are driven by their ambition, by their passion and those who are still finding themselves. People who find meaning and satisfaction in work are  fortunate. They have a direction in life. And there are others who are searching perpetually for the source of happiness.

I find myself searching for purpose of living.  I find myself looking inward to make sense of our senseless lives - our squabbles, our insecurities and our obsession with succeeding.The intense need  to reach . somewhere and to be somebody. Our fears and insecurities drive us, rather than love and passion.

I am  a restless soul in many ways,always looking for adventures. I am learning to love the day to day living. It is a long process for a  certified  novice. Adventures are fine - spontaneous living  is great, yet to really live in the moment, to enjoy life, we need to be happy where we are right now. It is not easy. I find my mind drifting from the present, dreaming about travels or dwelling in the past. Yet my soul is looking moments  where I can truthfully say right now I am where I am supposed to be... nothing less and nothing more. No complains, no desires, just simple acceptance. Those moments are not as frequent as they should be.

There are days when all these seemingly small stuff like earning a living and constantly learning overwhelm me. The urge to quit and crawl back into my cave is stronger some days, yet I know that overcoming the day to day challenges  are make me stronger although the fear that it may break me seems too  real at times. So here accepting that time is not just slipping by Knowing when to quit for the right reasons is the key to living. We need to appreciate the small stuff, learn to love the ordinary life to live to the fullest and be at peace, knowing we have all that we need right here, right now.

Pretentiously wiser

I am a big proponent of thinking- yet ironically all the thinking has made me realize the futility of thinking. Now, if you get the gist.... My defining moments in life have  come sporadically in hiccups.Painful and unstoppable. Every time, we feel life is  under control, we are reminded of our mortality and puniness. As a disclaimerI reserve every right to change my opinion, my attitude as I grow pretentiously wiser.  

1. Overthinking kills : Thinking is great - and I love to have discussions about life and politics and religions - but seriously all the serious talk is not good for you in the long run. A stimulating conversation is supposed to just do that - make you feel rejuvenated, yet when you are having those conversations with yourself - you get tired. Talking to yourself - playing out all the what if scenarios are exhausting, to say the least. 

2: Sensitivity is overrated : We are tiny beings - fragile and delicate.  Few hurtful words or a rude silence is all it takes for us to be broken. Our hearts, our egos are both alive and easily broken. Live like a butterfly - yes you will give joy, live like a roach and you will survive . Look around us, only creatures with thick skins have a higher survivability. A loving heart  is great, but it comes with a price.

3.Life gives a shit: Seriously, all the talk about universe and life listening to you is bullshit. Life is not receptive, it is a passive spectator. We are the active participants - dance to your own tune, because in the end - only you can feel the beats in the music. 

4. You are on your own : No matter who is with you on this journey, in the end, it is just you. There are no guarantees, no promises - people change, circumstances change, life happens. The sooner you learn to be happy with yourself, the better your life will be. 

5.Don't judge ; If there is one mantra that I have learnt is and has stayed with me, it is, don't judge. Every person has a story and believe me, I get to hear them quite often. Yes, there are many that leave me awestruck at human tenacity, and some that just make me say aloud at times " what were you thinking?".Live and let live - you don't judge me, I don't judge is the mantra that I might end up keeping forever - maybe.

6 Laugh it away: You can either cry your heart out and play the victim or just laugh your problems away. I find the second is more appealing to the people and also to your health. Everything is funny, I mean almost everything, you just need the eyes to see it . When life is spinning out of control, you just laugh - 

Saints and Sinners

There is a sinner and then there is a saint. While most of us are sinners to a certain extent, in fact all of us, why are we so judgemental and moralistic about other people's behaviors? Who decides what is right and what is wrong, especially when there is just a fine line - a wavering fine line that divides them? Why are we so obsessed with labeling people - good, bad, beautiful and ugly?

There is one thing that differentiates us from other species on this planet;We have insatiable desires. Our desire to be happy, secure, better than others, better than ourselves, seek to cause an unrest in our hearts. We are constantly looking for ways to improve in the future, often comparing our lives with what it was in the past. Without our quest for change, for movement, we would still be living in the cave. All that make us unhappy, all the struggles, all the upheavals are what makes us stronger and better.

We have evolved over the years  and it would be interesting to see how our moral compass evolves with time. Few voices of dissent, the tiny voices that most people want to shut down, are the winds of change. Look at our moral canvass, feel the strokes of change, every stroke a force that tried to overcome popular views of that era. There was a time when polygamy was legal, when homosexuality, abortion and euthanasia were illegal.  We are a better society not only because of all the innovators, all the people who are not satisfied with how things are, but also because of the thinkers, who question how the society works. Those courageous yet  feeble voices that look at the present structure of society with a different perspective. People who look beyond what was decided as right by society,  the rebels, the rule breakers.

The  punks, the misfits are as essential to the society as the scientists, if not more. They push the envelope, they stretch the boundaries and redefine the society we live in. They question all that seem unnecessary, all that seem unjust. We are creatures of habits, trained to follow the rules, after all we are policed to follow them. Rule breakers are punished, and although I fully consent that the laws of the land are meant to be followed, I am also of the opinion that they need to be questioned time and again.  Voices of dissent need to be heard, and a society that is deaf or tries to silence those voices will never evolve. I may not agree with what the dissenters say - it may be against my sensibilities, but freedom of free thought, free speech are always to be valued.  We are very rigid in our judgements - often forgetting that all the qualities that we admire as virtues,are treading on the fine line and the same qualities when they cross the line can become a menace.Kindness and non-judgemental attitude served with courage to follow them through are the only virtues. Rest all are man-made. After all the boundaries were created by humans and as we evolve, the society needs to change too.

Kind words

I have written about words earlier. But just like love, the art of communication is so complex and mysterious that any attempt to capture its essence generally fail.Words have the power to pierce through your heart. They are alive and can transform your There are words that break you into pieces or give you the wings to conquer the world. The words that hurt the most are the ones uttered by your loved ones. They stay captured in your heart, echoing through the years and battering your heart with a renewed energy. They have the power to well your eyes with tears, they have the power to make you smile and at times even laugh all alone. They can comfort you  or make you feel all alone in the world depending on whether our minds colour it either with love or with suspicion. They have the power to mutate into something quite different than what it was intended to be.

All of us go through phases in our lifetime, when we feel weak and seek reassurance either from the power above or from our loved ones. A wise friend of mine once said, we talk to God, because he doesn't reply back. It is true. Most of the time, we just need someone to hear us out, to let us express our fears. We don't necessarily seek a solution to our problems, and definitely not judgement. All we need is reassurance that everything will be alright.  We seek hope, we seek unwavering  support and sometimes kind words are just enough

There was a time, kids grew up reading fairy tales. I know I read hundreds of Mills and Boons  and Barbara Cartlands. The words in those books definitely skewed my perception of romance. But at the same time, they were words of finding goodness, finding hope even if it was the shallowest love possible.Youth should be brimming with  hopeless optimism. Children should grow up believing that life is full of possibilities. Read to them books that let them dream, dream of worlds that are possible only in their imagination. Let the words mould their minds in believing life is good. People are good. Let time and experience reveal the truth whatever it may be. Spread the word of hope, of goodness when you talk to them. We need more fairy tales, we need more beautiful endings.

Words are powerful. Tell someone they are beautiful, tell them they are loved. No one was ever offended at being felt wanted and desired. Tell your kids they are smart, capable. Leave the harsh words for the others - for they will be hearing it often in adulthood.
 Ensure that the words we tell ourselves are kind too. It is very easy to distort our perceptions of ourselves. We become what we believe.Reassure your loved ones that they can depend on you, when the  time comes. Use words kindly and it may heal a heal heart.