In transition.

There is something fascinating about transience. Sitting on my deck watching the blue sky being overpowered by the darkness, I discover freedom in surrendering. Being a rebel by nature, I like to question order in life. I don't want to  be boxed in, to give up on my right to change mind, and to question all that is supposed to be right.  The problem is, this results in conflict - in thoughts, in my own quest to forcibly change my perception of living. In short, my mind is a constant battlefield, yes even in my dreams. 

Yet a walk in the woods, watching the sun set, or just listening to the birds converse happily, seem like a lullaby to the tired mind. The realization that my existence is temporary and uncertain, puts things in the right perspective. Watch the grass grow, even when you have people walking over it, watch the claws of trees hanging on tight to life, or just how the dead can transform into  new life and you find motivation to move forward. 

Yet the most profound is how there is this balance of resistance and letting go. If the trees didn't resist every storm, there would be none standing, or if the rocks didn't resist the flowing water, there would be no music to play. But when there is the need to give in, they just do so without question. I am in constant resistance, as like  most of us living in the modern life isolated by other living elements in our day to day life. We are taught to be warriors, to fight, to never give up, never give in - which is all great but can be tiring. We need a break - a break from our beliefs, from our opinions, from our expectations. We need to take a sojourn from time to time - not physically but also mentally. 

I need to go into the woods, need to watch the stars shyly show themselves up - safe in the shadows of darkness, need to feel the breeze, to smell the flowers, to hear the birds, the water flow, to just reaffirm my belief that I don't control everything . To reassure that change is fine, and no change is also fine, to just breathe and be me - no work in progress, no improved me - just me.