Insecurity and fear

Why is it that the more we have, the more we fear? The basis for all our fears in life is insecurity. Nothing in life is guaranteed, and the fear of loss stems up from the very source of wisdom, which wants us to believe that we are in control of our lives. Life cannot be planned, life cannot be predicted, yet when we look at how we live and have lived, it is all a series of thoughtful and seemingly wise decisions taken without the consideration that change is inevitable.

Security , the warm fuzzy feeling of being cocooned in all that is good, all that you want from life. The feeling of knowing you have enough, that you are loved for what you are - without any agenda for improvements. Yet our inner voice, the wise voice knows, that only guarantee in life is change and that is when the conflict between what we have and our fear of losing it gives rise to insecurity and fear. We try everything within our means to keep the current comfy situation the way it is. Desperately clinging to some wild belief that we can control the change, we amass wealth, greedily hoarding for the rainy day, never sure that we have enough. We try  drastic measures to look young, resorting at times to mutilating our body, unable to accept that although our souls may live forever, our physical body is decaying every minute, eager to be one with the dust. 

We hang on to people we love, drowning them at times with our fears and insecurities. Every negative action or reaction is based on our fear of insecurity and loss. Maybe this is what differentiates us from the other creatures in nature, our sense of entitlement, our belief that the world revolves around us and our refusal to admit the only truth that we are just travelers passing by this beautiful planet.

If we take a deep breath and think, really think, the gist of life, the reason for living becomes clear. We are in a journey together , whether we admit it or not , like it or not, it is the same destination . We have a choice, to take each day, each breath and appreciate the beauty around us. We have the choice to either love our life or to change it with action. Whatever we do, the fact remains, that ultimately all we can gather are memories, memories created by us, created with love. Create memories, breathe in the beauty around you. Look up from the books, look around and smile, not because we have perfect life, smile because you realize that life happened to you ...

Coming alive

There are two paths to follow in life , times when you just have to let life write its story to you and you go with the flow. Then there are times, when you have to take a stand for yourself to just maybe feel that, yes you are alive and empowered. Choosing the right path at the right time is the key to living. Knowing when to just let go and when to take charge.

I have always believed in going with the flow, because fighting against it took up lot of my energy and at times led to disappointments. But I have realised that taking the reins of life in my hands sometimes even if it leads to utter failure gave me more satisfaction . 

Taking action is empowering ourselves.Passivity breeds dependency and  helplessness.We ourselves are responsible for filling in the cracks in our personalities that prevent us from feeling complete. Nobody, absolutely nobody can make us feel complete just  as nobody can make us feel incomplete. Two people don't complete each other , rather two complete people complement each other. Every time we look for the puzzle piece outside of ourselves, we fail. 

Yet we  are social animals and  try as much as we might, we are always looking for  approval from outside sources. Our self-esteem, our very perception about who we are , is dependent to a certain extent to other people's opinions about us. Freedom comes from not disassociating ourselves from other people's reactions, but by refusing to be defined by them.

The journey to be a complete version of myself, where I am comfortable in my own company, in my own skin is a long and maybe arduous one. I might be successful or maybe not, but the first step to loving myself has been discovering that living a life in the reflection of other people's expectation is living a life of lie. No reflections, no judgements, just plain breathing and living and celebrating our very existence is what life is about. 

The anxiety demon

Ever had an anxiety attack? It is like living through a nightmare , all the scenarios of things that can go wrong , all happening at one place and same time. Fear takes over reasoning, and you are transported from the present moment into a future from hell, You feel paralyzed by the out of control non stop chattering in your head, pushing you into a deeper hole of helplessness. Like a drowning man, you struggle to keep afloat, gasping for a breath, wishing the hush the voices in your head that sometimes spirals you out of control.

Insecurity and fear of change are the worst enemy. Fear erodes your self confidence and insecurity is like the shackles that imprisons you and is a major impediment in Living life. Fear is the product of insecurity. Life is unpredictable, and change is mandatory.  The problem is change is unpredictable. Although consciously we are all aware of the fluid nature of our existence, yet we live in a state of denial.

I find the more comfortable I am in a situation, the more resistant I am for change. The more I hold on to what I have, the more I am insecure. Just like you need to eat healthy consistently, exercise regularly to maintain your physical health, you also need to contemplate on the impermanence of life everyday. Living in the moment requires all your attention. It is a practice , a regular meditati and ongoing work in progress.

There are some people who are strong enough to live a fulfilled life without faith, but I find it hard to survive just by logical thoughts about the reason we are existing. There is no reason to believe that the facts are truth. Believing in a power larger than us, empowers us to dream big. Believing  in miracles, rises us above our belief that we are small and insignificant .

Of New Years and Resolutions

Time for the old to fade away and to prepare for the birth of New year. Every year's beginning promises us new adventures, new dreams and before long we are committed to do things differently or should I say better than we did the year before. I always end up making resolutions, have even ended up making a resolution of making no resolutions one year. How far I stick  to it, is anyone's guess as the resolutions seem to repeat itself every year.

But this year I have a set of resolutions that I hope to be my mantra for living. 2014 is the year to change attitude, to treat myself right and to  rise above myself. 

In 2014, I promise to 

1. Focus on myself and people who love me.

2. I promise to listen to only what I want to listen. Yes I am going to be Ms.Always Right this year. No more explaining, no more justifying my actions to anyone.

3. Forgive easily. I want to travel emotionally lighter. No more other people's baggages, no more living lives that are not mine. 

4. Laugh more , dream big and and rediscover faith.

5. Let gratitude guide me to leading a more content life. 

6. Be kinder to my kids, and remind myself everyday that it is indeed their life - I can love them, but not prevent them from making mistakes.

7.Be more easygoing and just let things take of themselves. 

8. Meditate on the impermanence of everything in life everyday, just to appreciate what I have, and know that tomorrow is another day.

9. Keep friends close to my heart. 

10.Lastly , but not in the least, I promise to love life, and go against my basic nature and be more spontaneous -the only way to live life. 

Love, life and happiness

No matter how bad your current situation is there is always something that is beautiful in it. Fact remains bad, good are all the terms that we give to our situations. Life is ever changing, we are ever changing, nothing remains the same. That is the truth, the ultimate truth. We are constantly resisting change, yet the key to living life is to flow like the water, find ways between the crevices, to just keep flowing. 

Searching for happiness, love or peace invites more strife in our lives. Every reality , every fiction, every pain and every joy is deep rooted in our minds. The key is to open up our minds and not only accept our transient nature in this universe but to embrace it with joy. Happiness is now and here, peace is accepting the situation and just having faith. And all this is possible only when we realise that love is the key to living. 

Love is so hard to define. It is not possessing someone's soul, nor somebody's body. It is not being with each other 24/7. Love is all that is good, love is embracing life, being joyful , being thankful. Without love in our hearts we are nothing. Love defines our very existence. 

Love begins with loving ourselves, not in the narcissistic way, but being genuinely thankful for this opportunity to experience life, for our very existence. Loving ourselves ensures that we feel we are blessed, that we lack nothing in our lives. Until and unless we learn to love ourselves and our lives, we will never ever be able to love others. You can only give what you have. Fill yourself with so much of love that it spills over to whoever you meet and whatever you touch. Be so at peace with yourself that only kindness and genuine concern radiate from your whole being. 

Loving oneself is not as easy as it sounds. Most of us are unkind to ourselves, we don't forgive ourselves and our failibbles are easily. Yet the key to living a happy life lies in loving ourselves and although the learning process can be treacherous, it is the only way to really LIVE life.So love your life, and love yourself, for no one else holds the key to your happiness. 

Redefining Success

“A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.”
― Bob Dylan

For long,our perception of success has been defined by what society terms as "high achievers". Success has been regularly been labeled with materialistic gains, accolades and of course our belief that the person has achieved a seemingly difficult task. Confident men and women, living a life of extravagance, flaunting their wealth and achievements as a symbolic mean of leading a life that is successful.

I am all for excellence, I am all for achieving high goals, without which human life would not have evolved for better.  Yet recently when someone's 15 year old committed suicide, because of failing grades, it broke my heart. 

Success is not just reaching your goal, but how well you cope with downfalls, and setbacks too. Each of us have some impediments that are blocking our way to lead a happy and fulfilled life. Success  for me is recognizing those blockages  and working our way either by removing them or working around it. 

We need to teach kids not only to value  excellence, but also the art for living life to the fullest. Learning to deal with setbacks, failures, is part of leading a successful life. It is not what happens to you that defines your character, but how you react to it.  Having grown up in an environment where success was etched out in very specific terms,  where your whole identity was defined in numbers , marks,or money, I still struggle to label my  life as successful.

Life is beautiful, life itself is an opportunity. A successful life is one that has learnt the joy of giving,loving  and thanking.Smile in the face of  life, laugh with it, feel the pain of fellow beings, share your passion and above all be true to yourself. A heart that can hope in despair situations, eyes that can see the silver lining in the clouds, and the  mind that is not ready to give up dreaming constitutes a successful life.

Add colours to your life, teach the kids that life is more than numbers, that success and failures are relative. Gift them the  key to living a complete life.





 

Contradictions in life

We are full of contradictions. We are the only species with the ability to communicate, yet we are still isolated in our own bubbles. We are intelligent enough to explore the space and celestial bodies, yet we struggle to find solutions in relationships. We are wise enough to know that life is short and unpredictable, yet we live our lives working as if money is going to secure our life on this planet for ever. 

Our emotions are conflicting, our thoughts too, a bundle of haves and have nots, a constant battle of rights and wrongs seem to rule our lives. Why is it that seemingly simple relationships, take a toll on our bodies and minds? Why are interactions with each other at different levels so complex ?

Human mind is not only intelligent, it is a jumble of emotions. Ever changing whirlpool of feelings, staggered into depths that can scare the bravest of us. In our quest to conquer the world, to understand and grasp the meaning of life, we forget to look deep into our hearts. Learning to be honest with ourselves takes practice and courage, because truth can be ugly and not so easy to handle.

Our mettle is tested with each challenge, and how we respond to it. Do we wallow in self-pity or do we accept responsibility? Do we count our blessings or do we just look for lost opportunities? Do we build our strengths or do we focus on our weaknesses? Failures break us, and over the time we have the opportunity to rebuild it with more awareness about our inner resources. Every closure forces us to reinvent and rebuild ourselves.

Ultimately, life is a just a series of incidents, go with the flow, let every event reveal the depths of your strength and widen your horizon.Life is beautiful, and the only way to enjoy it is embrace it with open arms and open hearts. Yet one of the hardest thing for a human being to do is to be open. Life is simple, organized to a certain extent , with natural laws and guidelines guiding all species to a certain extent.