Battling teens

A confession - this is a rant, which I am sure all other parents or guardians of teens will bear with me as for others, this is the story of sweet angels turning into attitude monsters. I guess you reap what you sow - and being a temperamental teenager myself, I should have been prepared for the karmic and cosmic justice. But, every parent has this belief that they can handle better than others- at least I was sure about it - till now.

So how do you  deal with teens?  How does a parent respond to all  "why's ?, all the "oh I didn't hear you ?"or  Why do I have to clean my room and the classic Why do I make my bed, when the sheets are going to be messed up again at night ? Why can't I have a sleepover? You get the point. It  takes every bit of self-restraint - every single ounce of patience (which I don't have a lot), every mantra to resist retorts, every muscle control to stop the hands from spanking, every bit of my energy to just hang in and let the storm pass. Honestly, although I love challenges, dealing with the concotion of hormonal imbalance and attitude tempts me at time to take a sojourn for a couple of years and join in when the Mr. Hyde has turned back to Dr. Jekyll.

The mood-swings, the sheer laziness, the sloppiness  all adds to inflame my nerves and to soar my blood to new temperature. I am reminded everyday that all the emotional outbursts, all the dramatic and exaggerated slights are a side effect of puberty. You see the teacher has prepared the kids what to expect, but unfortunately the school forgot to arm the parents with tools to deal with it. Yes, the kids these days are well-armed with excuses to deal with the behavior - after all it is not their fault, it's the chemical imbalance that would definitely have gotten me spanked in my time. Having demanded full-excuse for my behaviour while PMSing I am in no position to refute that argument .


Parenting is challenging at every age. But by the time they are 12 , you are ready to sit back and reap the rewards of a fully functioning independent individual. And then  puberty happens and sweet child turns into this unrecognizable creature who you wish had the option to disown. The kid who would do all the chores with unquestioning loyalty and work ethics, now takes a week to empty the dishwasher. "why do I have to do all the work"? is what you hear more often than not.  This constant battle to find a balance between disciplining (?)  and loving (?) has made me wearier than a war-veteran. I am beaten up, yes I admit defeat.  I do wonder if the attitude will become a habit after the hormones are settled down, or the if chemical effect is going to be permanent. I shudder to think of any of these probabilities.

 I have started praying more often for serenity, have started chanting "this too shall pass ", and am able to empathize and respect all the parents of teenagers previous and current. And while I am waiting for the storm to pass, I am faced with two obvious cures to settle my nerves - take up drinking or meditation. I am still debating - although the inclination towards the first option seems to be more likely.

Schooling and Learning.

The purpose of good schooling is to train children to be fully equipped to deal with the world as an adult – adults with characters and knowledge that will lead the society to grow and prosper. If that isn’t the purpose I don’t know why we spend years learning about subjects that don’t matter in day to day living. You learn history – but what about lessons from history? Geography – my favorite but are you instilling in them a love for mother earth? Science is great if it increases your curiosity to learn more and dispel myths. As for Mathematics and language, they are the tools that lay the foundation for your life after school. Lots to learn and add to it the array of electives you get to choose from, school life can be perplexing. Yet I dare to say at the expense of my kids getting mad at me, these are topics that should be made mandatory in schools.

Ø      Ethics: Teaching a teen what constitutes right or wrong, will help them in making ethically right decisions in future. Good work ethics will lead us to develop a generation of honest and socially conscious adult with a realization that interest of society and the world is higher than personal growth.?  Instilling in children the awareness of working towards a larger goal is more important than just teaching them how great Napoleon Bonaparte was.

Ø      Stress Management: Honestly nothing will be more useful than learning how to deal with stress when you go out in the world. Stress cannot be avoided, but yes we all can find means to deal with it and you are never too young to learn that.

Ø      Financial Management: In today’s time, teaching teens the importance of not only making money but managing it wisely is very important. Not to say that all kids will be handling their finances wisely as adults, but at least they would have a better understanding of how to make their money work for them.

Ø      Etiquette:This wouldn’t have made it to the list, if the disregard for any form of politeness wasn’t so obvious in the youth or adults. Showing consideration towards others is what it is all about, and what better age and place than schools to teach them.

Ø      Compassion: I sincerely believe nurturing a fine heart is as important as training your mind. Happiness is impossible without having compassion or empathy for others. No religious sermons, no spirituality, just plain old compassion and good heart.