Anam Cara

“Where are the people?” resumed the little prince at last. “It’s a little lonely in the desert…” “It is lonely when you’re among people, too,” said the snake.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Recently an article came up on my Facebook feed about a Gaelic term "Aman Cara"  or Soul friend.  The whole concept of  having a connection with someone where your souls recognize each other was very fascinating to me. The relationship isn't defined as romantic or platonic - just  where you can reveal your authentic self - no judgments fearlessly.I have had some such connections, some that have lasted over the years, and some that were short-lived. Soul friend - an endearing term, a term that alleviates your loneliness, makes you feel thankful to be alive. I remember being enchanted by the novel"Brida" by Paulo Coehlo where he talks about soul mates - pieces of one soul that meet and recognize each other.  

 There is this innate desire within us - an urgent need as important as breathing, and it is the need to communicate. When I say communicate, I mean to be understood fully by at least one soul. We can love and be loved, we can be surrounded by people, smile and joke, yet if there is no honest dialogue, where your thoughts, fears and just your essence is being shared, you end up being lonely. The more individualistic you are, the more radical your thoughts are, the weirder you are, the lonelier you will be. We were born to share our emotions, our thoughts and hope that someday your true self will be revealed. Someone will actually know you 

We have all been through that phase in life, where all you wanted was a human contact, a verbal , non-verbal or just a simple physical gesture of hug. It is said that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. Yet genuine connection requires honesty and being honest means trusting someone to see your vulnerability. And trusting someone doesn't come easy to some of us. I fear growing old, fear being lonely. There I said it  loud. The words that most of us ponder over, especially as you grow older.

Why is it so important for us to have a dialogue? Why do we need to be heard? And what makes some people more prone to loneliness than others? Years ago, people talking about mental health was a taboo. Now it is common to discuss about depression and anxiety and the medications that help to cure them. Yet we are still hesitant to talk about being lonely. In this time starved society, where busyness is considered a virtue, no one has the time or patience to actually listen.  Time is of premium and patience is something that in this generation of instant gratification is not valued. There is the obvious solitude and loneliness in the older generation - they can be without human contact for days and as we live longer, dealing with isolation among the senior population is something that we will need to address.  And hence as ridiculous as Minister of Loneliness sounds, UK is taking the right step in addressing how to address this epidemic that is rampant in most developed countries.

Not all of us are lucky to recognize our aman cara, but we can all try be kind and lend an ear to that lonely soul who is trying to reach out so that his or her thoughts could be heard. And to summarise it all, I  quote Jodi Picoult,  "if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”