Digitally introvert

 In today's digital world where most of our relationships are digital - where our profiles on social media define who we are, where impersonal texts and comments define your interest in other people's life, I feel totally inept socially. Not that I don't like social media,  I love to hide behind it, just play the audience but because the effort to keep up the appearances is overwhelming.

Introverts find it hard to make small talks -personally or digitally or at least I do. I love having deep discussions, a hearty laugh and sharing viewpoints - the only problem is, it is only with  a select few. There are times when we do come across as rude or just plain unfriendly, but it is just that the effort to know and invite someone new into our lives is so massive that it just doesn't seem worth it. 

Selfies are definitely not for us , nor are discussing private life. I took down my birth date from my profile just because the effort to reply to all the wishes seemed to be too painful. Attending marriages, functions where small talks would be involved is a big no-no.I am always looking for an excuse to slip through, to just escape the crowd of meaningless and superfluous talks. 

The hard-work required to maintain the socially acceptable norms of being friendly can take a toll on us. Just exchanging pleasantries can be exhausting, depleting us of all the energy we need to keep going at it again next day. It is not that we don't love people, we do - but the need for space , the need to just be with our thoughts to recharge our batteries is higher. Also people who know us are not taken aback by the apparent rudeness or even if they are they choose to ignore it. 

Digital world has brought into my life people who I know but not actually know. The opportunity to connect is there, but the price to connect is too high at times. I try but fail dismally to communicate electronically - the instant chatting, the clutter of messages, the sheer number of people and the constant chatter scares me. I am just not able to keep up with it - multitasking is definitely not one of my traits.

When I look back, I realize that I always was like that, just that over the years you learn to pretend to survive. I am always unsure about how to react to compliments - unsure about responding to apparent successes and failures  especially on a platform that has an audience big enough to fill a performing theater.

I am slowly retreading - even though at times the imaginary cave I hide in can be lonely , I still prefer to stay there and visit the outside world once in a while to see if all is well.