Known Strangers

Ever been lost in a crowd of known strangers? I have.  And  nothing feels more isolating, than just standing there alone, trying to hurry up the time so that you could just maybe, be by yourself. Social anxiety, feeling misfit in large gatherings all in many ways handicap you. Nothing gives me more pleasure than being in the company of my loved ones, sharing thoughts and laughter , and nothing is more dreadful than making inconsequential conversations with known strangers.

In a room full of people, there were just two or three of us, unable to circulate and make small talk. Sitting in a corner, there I was, fretting about the future, when I might have to hold a wedding party for my son. I knew it was trouble, when I just had to tell my son, that he had my blessings to elope if ever planned to get married. I definitely wasn't inclined to invite 500 people to a private wedding ceremony.

I am not sure if it is the crowd, if it is saying socially right things, or just that I am spending time with people, making shallow interactions, whatever it is, social gatherings scare me.  Being socially awkward is no fun, trying to fit into, to follow the etiquettes, the pressure to flit around and make impression (?) just seem to be a lot of work for me. Avoiding talking to people, making elaborate excuses to skip socializing, is a  flaw that I am not proud of but changing myself would be staying untrue to my basic nature.

Maybe the effort to present myself in a certain way takes too much of effort, or  maybe I feel inadequate to deal with superficial and at times intrusive queries, or maybe it just feels like a waste of time to invest in people who are just a shell of themselves. The only shield that I carry with me all the time is my smile - no need for words, no need to interact, just a smile and you are ready to sail through the nameless faces, till it is time to go home and heave a sigh of relief.

Variation On The Word Sleep - Margaret Atwood

Variation On The Word Sleep

I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and as you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary. 

Margaret Atwood

Ordinary Life - by Judith Viorst

I've had my share of necessary losses,
Of dreams I know no longer can come true.
I'm done now with the whys and the becauses.
It's time to make things good, not just make do.
It's time to stop complaining and pursue
The pleasures of an ordinary life.

I used to rail against my compromises.
I yearned for the wild music, the swift race.
But happiness arrived in new disguises:
Sun lighting a child's hair. A friend's embrace.
Slow dancing in a safe and quiet place.
The pleasures of an ordinary life.

I'll have no trumpets, triumphs, trails of glory.
It seems the woman I've turned out to be
Is not the heroine of some grand story.
But I have learned to find the poetry
In what my hands can touch, my eyes can see.
The pleasures of an ordinary life.

Young fantasies of magic and of mystery
Are over. But they really can't compete
With all we've built together: A long history.
Connections that help render us complete.
Ties that hold and heal us. And the sweet,
Sweet pleasures of an ordinary life. 

Judith Viorst

Some thoughts for the day

Smile and embrace the day today passionately and see how the day responds back to your affection. Spread some warmth and see the coldness in others hearts literally melt away. Stop and smell some flowers, feel the softness of wet grass under your bare feet, and let the wind blow away your hair .

Laugh, laugh till it hurts, laugh till tears roll down  your cheeks. Laugh loud, chuckle till you can no longer do so, laugh so hard that even the saddest person in the room, has no option but to smile and join in .

There is no sound as pure as laughter expressing joy, and proclaiming loud and clear that life is beautiful. 

Connect with people you love, we all need a reminder that we are in someone's thoughts. A simple hello, a genuine concern and life seems to fall back on track.

Give your time, time to people who would appreciate it. Time is the most expensive give of all and make sure that people value it.

Soak in all the experiences you can, in the day - give your best and forget about the rest. 

And above all, be honest - don't pretend to be happy when you are sad. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Honestly, honesty to yourself is what counts in the end. See the mirror and if the reflection you see is the person you would want your best friend to be, you are on the right track. 

Human Dignity

Human Dignity

Can there be a feeling worse than loss of dignity? There is something about pity, something patronizing, that makes us all want to put on our brave masks and face the world. I had often wondered why it is so difficult to open up about our wounds, our problems even to our closest of friends, till I  realized that I was afraid of being pitied. 

Nothing erodes human spirit more than loss of dignity. Our sophisticated society has now evolved from  ridiculing  the physically challenged, financially challenged, emotionally distraught,to something worse, we end up politely  pitying  them and strippng them of their self-respect. Take away dignity and you end up devoid of  human spirit.

Helping others with compassion, listening with compassion and ensuring that the dignity of the person is intact is as important as feeding the hungry or caring for the sick. Belittling someone with words or actions doesn't have to always be in bitter words or insults. Treat all the people you meet with same respect, doesn't matter who they are, because in my eyes the moment you destroy a human spirit, the moment you pity them and put them down, you have already killed the human in the being

There are times even with the best intentions, we might be unsure as how do treat the person right. Compassion and empathy are our guides at times like that. 

My dream Vacation

My dream vacation would be to a place where there were no electronics, no clocks and no calendars.A place either by the ocean or in the woods in the mountains. A place where you keep track of time only by the changing shapes of moon. Where there are no weekdays, no weekends and absolutely no appointments. A place where there are no commitments, no responsibilities, no keeping up appearances and no bills. No keeping track of time because you have all the time to do nothing .

Imagine, you eat when you are hungry, take your time to enjoy every morsel, because you have nowhere to go.Imagine  you sleep when  you are tired, or just when you want to - no one to stop you. A life free of cares, free of commitments, just living your life following your basic instincts. No plans, no future, past hazy and where it should be - in the past. Imagine, just sitting on the beach or maybe a deck in the mountains, waiting for the sun to say goodbye. Admiring the hues of red melting into the dark shades of blues and waiting for the  moon to rise.

Imagine lying down out in the open sky, no clue if it is time to sleep or not, just counting the stars, guessing the constellations and admiring the falling stars, till sleep slowly creeps in . Cool breeze singing a lullaby, maybe a rocking hammock all culminating in a sleep full of dreams or maybe not.

Imagine being woken up by the touch of first rays of sun, stirring you up gently, and the only music you hear are the sound of water  and  singing birds in the wood. You create your own composition, your own music. Imagine, not worrying about grocery, cleaning, laundry and money. A life free of cares, a life completely in sync with nature.

Health over shame

There are times when you inexplicably feel sad. It might not last for long, maybe a day or two, but the heaviness in the heart can really pull you down and drown you., I am not sure if  it is more prevalent in women than men or it is individualist, but what I am sure is  that you cannot snap out of it just like that. Call it mood swings, call it chemical imbalance, whatever, but at times, even when you consciously try to cheer up, something doesn't feel right .

Mental health is an issue we shirk to talk about, generally assuming that we are in control of our head. It takes an educated and open mind to empathize with issues of the head. In general, society is more likely to empathize with a personal with physical disability than with someone with a mental issue, maybe to a certain extent as mental illness is not so obvious and is so personal.

We talk about our physical pain, we are open about our physical illness, but generally issues of the mind are kept off the table. There is still a certain shame, a certain assumption of weakness associated it with, along with  misconception  and stereotypes. 

Just one day of feeling low, and I realized how difficult it is for someone to just snap out of it. You can read all about positive thinking, you can rationalize all about why you need to be happy, but there are times when you need help. Again, just like physical health, being conscious about your mental state of mind, right from mental exhaustion, to being stressed out, being aware of the symptoms early on, helps us in finding a solution. 

It is time that society became open about discussing mental health. Fact also remains, that depression and other mental issues are also very difficult for your loved ones to handle, maybe because it is intangible. Maybe if we start understanding our minds better, if we start educating our kids about taking care of our mental health as much as we teach them about healthy body, the next generation will be better prepared to deal with the issues of the head.